Shitposter Extrodinaire

Starters based off the infamous fan fiction, My Immortal.

“Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?”

“I put up my middle finger at them.”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!?”

“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?”

“I hath telekinesis." 

“I thought you didn’t have a scar anymore!”

“What’s wrong honey?”

“Okay you can go now, see ya cunt.”

“Bye bitch.”

“Look motherfucker.”

“____, I see dark times are near.”

“I fucking tortured them.”

“You fucking poser.”

“I bet you’ve never heard of Good Charlotte.”

“Oh my goth!”

They’ll have to:

Rate on a scale of 1-10 how much they don’t want to answer that question.

These memes are for those who like a little sexual fun on Sunday. Feel free to edit pronouns as needed.

“Get on your knees and beg.”

“Tell me how you want me to fuck you.”

“I want you now, please… don’t make me beg anymore.”

“How badly do you want me?”

“Please don’t stop, I’ll do anything you want.”

“Keep quiet unless you want everyone to hear you.”

“You don’t want to get caught, do you?”

“Does the idea of being caught like this excite you? It does, doesn’t it?”

“Let me taste you.”

“Do you want me to show you how bad I want you?”

“How rough do you want it?”

“Where do you want me to cum?”

“I want to see your face  as you come undone.”

“I’m going to tie you to the headboard and fuck you senseless.”

Locations:

Closet: My muse grabs yours by the shirt/jacket/pants and drags them into the closet.

Wall: My muse pins yours against the wall.

Table: My muse fucks/teases yours over the table.

Couch: My muse fucks yours on the couch.

Shower: My muse fucks yours in the shower.

Floor: Our muses don’t make it to a bed.

Vehicle: Our muses have sex in a vehicle.

Outside: Our muses have sex somewhere outside/in public.

*add +reverse to make your muse the one that does it to mine.*

Symbols:

LIGHT & SOFT :

👁  -  for  your  muse  to  reveal  to  my  muse  that  they  know  they  are  a  vampire. ❤️ -  for  your  muse  to  confess  they  still  love  them  despite  them  being  a  vampire. 💔 -  for  your  muse  to  no  longer  want  to  be  with  my  muse  because  they  are  a  vampire. 🐇 -  for  my  muse  to  reveal  to  your  muse  that  they  do  not  feed  off  humans  and/or  human  blood. 💋 -  our  muses  share  a  kiss,   until  your  muse  realizes  sharp  teeth  grazing  against  their  lips  and  pulls  away. 🤚🏼 -  your  muse  tries  to  calm  my  muse  down  from  the  sight  of  blood. 🚪 -  for  your  muse  to  decline  my  muses  invite.  ❓ -  for  your  muse  to  ask  my  muse  to  turn  them  into  a  vampire.

VIOLENT & GORE :

⚰️ -  for  your  muse  to  open  a  coffin,   discovering  my  muse  inside. 🔪 -  for  your  muse  to  try  and  stake  my  muse. 🩸  -  for  my  muse  to  drink  blood  from  your  muses  neck.   (  could  be  as  an  attack  or  willingly,   can  specify  ) 🧛‍♀️  -  for  your  muse  to  confront  my  muse  about  them  being  a  vampire,   threatening  to  expose  them. 👣 -  for  your  muse  to  follow  a  blood  trail  that  leads  to  my  muses  discovery. ⛓ -  for  your  muse  to  capture  my  muse,   locking  them  up  in  chains. ❗️ -  for  your  muse  to  awake,   my  muse  revealing  they  have  turned  them  into  a  vampire.

HUMAN VS. VAMPIRE :

🙅🏾 -  for  your  muse  to  run  away  screaming  at  the  sight  of  my  muse  revealing  they’re  a  vampire. 🤛🏻  -  for  your  muse  to  punch  mine,  realizing  they  hurt  themselves  more  than  my  muse. 👍🏼 -  for  my  muse  to  help  your  muse  during  their  change  into  a  vampire. 🔪  -   for  your  muse  to  stab  my  muse  and  get  away. 🔱 -  for  your  muse  to  help  my  muse  escape  from  an  army  of  angry   men  with  pitchforks. 🗡 -  for  your  muse  to  find  my  muse  has  been  staked  through  the  heart. 🥶 -  for  your  muse  to  notice  and  then  ask  my  muse  why  they  are  so  cold  to  touch.

VAMPIRE VS. VAMPIRE :

The cerulean female didn’t bother answering the text, Pulling open the door with a toothy grin. Her hair was longer, and messier for sure, and she was in loose, harem pants and a float tank top, in the appearance of a summer of love era style. The bags under her eyes were dark, a result of the lack of sleep for the past few months, trying to isolate and process exactly what she wanted to do with this never ending existence.

So far she had no luck.

She takes a hand through her hair to pull it out of her face, “Hey there, pony boy. Long time no see, come on in.” The weather surrounding the small forrest home was lightly rainy, with grey skies and cool temperatures, and the green-house like ceilings reflected the gloomy light across the studio cabin. Except it wasn’t a studio anymore, she had built several wings into the small home, several of which weren’t quite finished, cans of paint and tools and drywall everywhere, most of the furniture pushed off to the side for working

“Sorry about the mess, I’ve been a little manic lately, seems like I’m hitting a slow patch.”

Equius smiles to her when the door opens, nodding before taking a few steps in. They sit in one of the few pieces of furniture that isn’t too far out of the way, removing their shoes. Giving a whistle, “You certainly have been busy. I dread to think all of this is what you call a slow patch.” Glancing around, it’s hard not to get a little nosy. 

“I couldn’t put you to work the moment you got here, how rude is that. You’re more than welcome to help at some point but not now. Can I make you some tea or anything? Figure since the place is a little cold it could be a nice insulator. Have a few things of this construction project I’m doing to show you that ARE done.”

Closing their eyes, the heir takes a deep breath, and thinks of the location the two had last met. Earth. Woods. Cabin. Star and firelight. A rush of inky blackness pools from their feet, and consumes them. Fading into nothingless, and reappearing by the cabin. A little dizzy, they make their way to the door and knock respectfully. 

Also sending a message in the mean time. 

[D –> Nix, I’ve arrived // D –> May I come in]

So far she had no luck.

She takes a hand through her hair to pull it out of her face, “Hey there, pony boy. Long time no see, come on in.” The weather surrounding the small forrest home was lightly rainy, with grey skies and cool temperatures, and the green-house like ceilings reflected the gloomy light across the studio cabin. Except it wasn’t a studio anymore, she had built several wings into the small home, several of which weren’t quite finished, cans of paint and tools and drywall everywhere, most of the furniture pushed off to the side for working

The devil is a bit too busy

Death's a bit too much

They call on me, by name you see, for my special touch

To the gentlemen I'm Miss Fortune

To the ladies I'm Sir Prize

Call me by any name

I'm the fly in your soup

I'm the pebble in your shoe

I'm the pea beneath your bed

I'm the bump on every head

I'm the peel on which you slip

I'm a pin in every hip

I'm the thorn in your side, makes you wriggle and writhe

It's so easy when you're evil

The devil tips his hat to me

I do it all because I'm evil

I do it all for free

This is the life, you see

Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need

I'll be waiting 'round the corner

It's a game, I'm glad I'm in it

There's one born every minute

I pledge my allegiance to all things dark

I promise on my damned soul to do as I am told

Not only does his job but does it happily

I'm the fear that keeps you wake

I'm the shadows on the wall

I'm the monsters they become

I'm the nightmare in your skull

I'm the dagger in your back

I'm the quivering of your heart

It gets so lonely being evil

What I'd do to see a smile

No one loves you when you're evil

I'm lying through my teeth