bames nonds having a stronk

She is taking me to the QUARIUM

TO SEE DWIGHT

We are. The quarium

I bet I'd be more motivated to do my job if I had a beautiful prince telling me I'm doing good and promising to lay me into bed later

Wearing a shirt that says “i heart when media is good but contains flaws so that i can exercise my creative ability to understand what i dislike about something i like”

I love the beatles but not as much as I love eating cardboard with mayonnaise on top !

its funny when "dogs like squeaky toys because it reminds them of hunting and killing prey" gets shared as this "creepy" thing when human toys are really the same. we made soft swords so we could pretend to fight to the death without actually gutting each other

the utter ecstasy of “is that lavENDER?” is what sells it for me

a level of appreciation for charcuterie the likes of which has never been seen before

I make what I call blueberry mush: 1/4th sugar, 1/4th breadcrumbs, 1/2 crushed blueberries. Every year when there's blueberries out there I go feral for them. Yesterday I had no breadcrumbs left to mix to my delicious blueberry hoard of the day, so I ground up a goddamn old dried up bread loaf end with a stone mortar and pestle for the crumbs. Proper 1800s type of shit. A friend of mine called this "caveman wife material activities."

not even like using a blender???

Don't own one, don't need one. I fucking love my mortar and pestle.

Can you instruct your cottage to walk over to the berries for you?

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad