Like a porn bot but sexier

I don't know why it is so funny to me, i'm sorry

he has SO MUCH AUDACITY for NO REASON

(Probably above “can’t cook for shit” but below “is a human black hole of nothingness that sucks the life out of everything it touches”, i’m gonna guess. Make your bets everyone! Make your bets on what will finally cause Yagami Bigamy’s divorce(s).)

Oh come on, do I even need to do this one???

@lightyagamipm

Well, of course it's Christmas too! 🎄🎄🎄 I've got loads of things to do! I'm going to see my sister to spend some time with her, open some gifts from fans, and then I've got a Christmas/birthday party tonight I'm performing at! It's a super exciting day!

Listening to my heart!

His lawyer has gotten rid of Misa Amane - so anyone who might be worried about her, please don't be. She's being legally dealt with and won't bother us anymore.

Feel free to add to these

Not to mention the fact that you just responded you holier-than-thou cunt either stick to your words or don't say anything at all save us all the bleeding ears.

he has SO MUCH AUDACITY for NO REASON

(Probably above “can’t cook for shit” but below “is a human black hole of nothingness that sucks the life out of everything it touches”, i’m gonna guess. Make your bets everyone! Make your bets on what will finally cause Yagami Bigamy’s divorce(s).)

Oh come on, do I even need to do this one???

@llawlietqc

Currently crying. My toaster still won't fuck me. Day 3 of being without mdma and L has yet to text me back.

If anyone is the knockoff it's Frasier, you believe I'm the knockoff of this pseudopsychologist clown who runs a radio show because he can't succeed enough to get a real job? Where's his degree, if he really earned one, hm, I don't see it anywhere. He can't even analyse his own relationships, which are constantly failing by the way, to figure out why exactly he's so disliked and how he'll never really find genuine connections with that thick wall of artifice he's put up in place of a personality. Don't insult me like this again, unlike Frasier I know the machinations of the human mind, what makes you tick, what exactly to do and say in order to break you like the pathetic creature you are, I can make you regret existence.

I have seen every single episode of Frasier multiple times from early adolescence and had my sexual awakening to that scene where Niles gets frosted like a cake. I will never admit to this because I am a sensitive boy and I WILL cry if you put my psychoanalytic competencies in doubt ever again.

Yes, it will have to be at 10:00am as I am busy before that. So great to see that you've got a Tumblr, Naomi. And my new juicing cleanse is working wonders, thank goodness. XOXO

One day I will kill you, Naomi. It'll look like an accident, maybe you'll get your scarf trapped in the garbage disposal and suffocate, or maybe you'll have one prozac too many with your 4th margarita of the afternoon. Either way no one will know. It'll be a textbook suburban tragedy. And I will be so sad, Naomi, I will have bought the biggest wreath in the room and in the middle of service I'll be so wracked with sobs that I'll be forced to leave the room. I'll shake the hand of whoever your husband is at the time and make such a pitiful tableau that HE will be the one comforting ME. And inside I'll just laugh. And laugh and laugh and laugh until my pilates-toned stomach hurts, Naomi. If you don't kill me first then i'll get you, Naomi, that is a promise.

His lawyer has gotten rid of Misa Amane - so anyone who might be worried about her, please don't be. She's being legally dealt with and won't bother us anymore.

Sometimes I look into the mirror and wonder what my life would be like if I had just taken up Brad's offer to move with him to Europe. We would be poor, him a struggling photographer, me perhaps a writer, like I always wanted to be. I look out the window and I remember what it was like to be young, before I'd made any mistakes, before I had my son, the thing I love most in this world and the shackle that keeps me in this prison, and before I'd hit that woman with my car. I still remember the flash of blond hair on the windshield, and then the rush of adrenaline as I pressed on the accelerator instead of stopping to look. I think, horribly, that it was the last time I felt truly alive. No one can know, this is just one more secret that ties me to this place. Maybe one day the whole ugly truth will finally be out and both of us will be free. This is what a marriage is. A suffocating web of secrets.

Both my brain and meat are enormous thanks for your attention gentlemen.

This is the sort of disrespectful query I expect during Prime Minister's Questions. Like I told the MPs then and I'll tell you now, it's none of your business until it is your business and it's not and never will be your business so goodbye.

It is so, so, regrettably small. Thumbelina took a look at it and scoffed

I feel it's my duty to post a selfie to brighten lives today. My name is Light for a reason. Please ignore the lubricant on the counter. It's not what you think it is.

I am an attention whore the likes of which has rarely been seen in despots of my kind. When I turn Japan into a totalitarian dictatorship the propaganda posters will feature pictures of my ass at various angles