Ivar Aasens ånd heimsøker Tumblr kvilelaust

fuck like a green onion

hey guys im making french toast sticks in the oven. I’m gonna take a quick nap wake me up in 5 minutes so i can flip them over

Randy its been five minutes flip your sticks

snnnnzzzzz

the worst part of christmas is that santa’s elves are only called that because they’re gnomes, which are a dwarven culture known for their use of the phrygian cap and their republican rejection of monarchy, and dwarves, also referred to as svartálfar, are a species of elvenid within the elf-clade. but nobody talks about this, because elf cladistics aren’t generally relevant to christmas stories and children can hardly be expected to grasp the nuances of extrahominid taxonomy anyways.

the second worst part of christmas is the strong as fuck ice mummy

punches you but my hand is coated in ibuprofen dust so it immediately cancels out and doesnt hurt

slår deg men handa mi er dekka med ibux-støv så det går opp i eitt og det gjer ikkje vondt

Being a writer is wild because one minute you’re convinced you’re a genius and the next you’re googling ‘synonyms for walk’ like you’ve never used language before.

Det er vilt å vera forfattar, for det eine minuttet er du overtydd om at du er eit geni og det neste googlar du "synonym for å gå" som om du aldri har nytta språk før.

men and women are literally the same but unfortunately everyone's crazy so we are forced to pretend they're different in some ways.

Wilbur Cockfart was so embarrassed by his name that he lobbied for and won the right to chance ones name legally. He became the first to do so in America, and is now named Jason Cockfart.

this girl was showing all the signs of being a secret mermaid so i pushed her into the pool and she turned into a forty foot long mosasaurus which is tbh way cooler

not really sure how to get her out though

for those of you asking why i pushed her into the pool in the first place: i work for a duplicitous small town aquarium and i'm trying to kidnap mermaids to jump through hoops and shit to entertain tourists and make money. fucking obviously. now that i know she's actually a mosasaurus though i Have fallen in pure-hearted love with her

aw what the hell change my leitmotif to a minor key im not driving

inviting a girl over to cut symbols into you and she keeps agonizing over what to use. alchemical is too fake, catholic is boring, etc. eventually you propose a pentagram just to get something moving and she says that'd be "poser gnostic shit" and walks out

legend tells of a mysterious being called “nuance” that allows multiple things to be true at the same time. some say you can still hear its voice whispering in the trees

I like this time of year. it's warm enough that I don't need a coat, but it's still cold enough that bread doesn't get moldy immediately, and there's not one million mosquitoes on my dick

The sooner you start, the sooner you'll be done with it and the sooner you can stop thinking about it. Go on, up you get, it won't be as bad as you think.

You won't want to do it later either. You might as well just do it now. Even if you don't finish it all, anything you manage to get done now is something you don't have to do later (when you still won't want to do it)

yes friends let us blaze the marijuana! four hundred and twenty haha

(wrinkled and dying from laying eggs) tbhhhh dubstep was better in 2009 (lays another egg) there has honestoy not been another producer like Benga (stress from that last egg makes me go blind) my eggs , where are my eggs