traaaaash

Merlin (m). He's old, prickly, sometimes mean... but less so to you than others, which is gratifying. His study is your sanctuary, his wit your sparring partner. You suspect your tutor is hiding a great many things from you, so pursuing him could be a bad idea. But perhaps you cannot resist an attempt to wiggle your way into his affections.

Sir Kay (m). King Arthur's foster-brother and seneschal of his lands. A behemoth of a man; tall, wide, thickly muscled. He's a brute, but he's carried a torch for you ever since you met him. Whether or not you entertain his affections is of course up to you, but the decision might be easier if only he stopped being so cruel to some of the aspiring knights who should be his protégés.

Sir Gawain (m). The bastard brother to King Lot, who's your sister Morgause's husband... small world. He is Sir Kay's best friend, though the two could not be more different. Fair Gawain is charitable, popular with the men at arms and so charming that he's widely known as the Maidens' Knight. Not that he is without his shortcomings; you would know, given he has somehow become a dear protector and confidant. Perhaps you still want him.

Sir Galahad (m/f*). An upstart knight from a backwards province, he should be fated to obscurity, but possesses strange talents and seems to carry a touch of the divine. Sir Lancelot brought him to court, so impressed was he with the young lad. Maybe you knew him long before he was presented to the Round Table, though. Maybe you've seen him in your dreams. If only Galahad, put off by your witchcraft, didn't hate you to the point of obsession...

Guenevere (f), the golden Queen of Camelot. Your brother's wife. She's the most beautiful woman in Albion, and the most talkative, and perhaps, paradoxically, the loneliest. She desperately wishes for your approval, but with the way she acts sometimes, it's hard not to wonder what else she might be wishing for.

Ninianne (f). The Lady of the Lake, ancient and most powerful fairy in all of Albion. She is the mother of Sir Lancelot, has tested your brother's might and appears to share a complicated history with Merlin. She's a mystery and seems to know much more about you than you can be entirely comfortable with.

Friends and family:

Ywain (m). The son you had by the husband you hated. Ultimately, your relationship with the child is up to you, but as he matures, one thing becomes certain: Ywain is nothing like his father. He's his own beast, strange and emotional, diligent and good.

King Arthur (m). Your half-brother who is five years younger than you. He found you, rescued you and now loves you as though you'd known each other your whole lives. He dotes on your son, aiming to provide you both with the best possible life and asking for naught but fealty in return. He's a sanguine, adventurous and chivalrous young man who was pushed in the role of regent extremely early in life, but is bearing up under the expectations.

Blanchefleur de Beaurepaire (f). Your best friend and penpal with whom you entertain a teasing mentorship. When first you meet, she's but a young girl, but already whip-smart, sharp-tongued and too persuasive by half. Over the course of your acquaintance, she has grown into the epitomy of grace and confidence. She still looks up to you.

Sir Perceval (m). The youngest man to ever be knighted at the court of Camelot and easily the weirdest. He's his own brand of innocent; blunt, cheerful and with the attention span of the average housefly. He is Ywain's favorite playmate.

Queen Morgause of Orkney (f). Your eldest sister. You haven't seen her since she married King Lot. You know that she's had two sons by him, but that's about it. Something about her is different, not at all as you remember... but then again, it's been such a long time.

Queen Elaine of Garlot (f). Your middle sister. Much like Morgause, you lost sight of her after her own marriage to King Nentres. She's passionate, wistful and a hopeless romantic. She seems hopeful that your sisterly relationship can be rekindled.

Setting: this is not a precise retelling of any particular Arthurian cycle and lots of liberties were taken with the characters. Albion is a highly fictionalized version of/inspired by 12th-13th century England and Brittany.

*literally.

dividers by @/pixopix; artwork is a commission by the wonderful @/theoasiswinds and the blog's header image is an illustration by Mary MacGregor from her 1907 book "Stories of King Arthur's Knights".

Merikh:

He can hear you telling Desma about the next target as he stands in the hallway. He isn't avoiding you and he certainly isn't eavesdropping. It isn't eavesdropping if he already knows what you're talking about and instructed you to talk about it. This is supervising from a distance. He hasn't seen you since the other day and his mind wanders back to the mark on your neck. He wonders if it's faded by now, or if whoever put it there had the gall to replace it with a fresh one. He roughly grips his hair and stifles a sigh. No matter how firmly he tells himself he doesn't care, he can feel a nauseating mix of disappointment and curiosity eating away at him. Who was it? Was it Desma? The two of you do seem close. Unconsciously he walks closer to the entry way, listening to the conversation between you both. Ready to intervene if the chat veers towards sweet nothings instead of the task at hand. "Ah, it's still sore!" he hears you huff and Desma laugh in response and his feet are moving before he knows it. "This is exactly what we don't have time for! Consider it finished!" he blows through the room like a storm and both you and Desma look at him like he's lost his mind. He spots the still dark mark on your neck and it only adds to his tirade. "And let this be the last time I see this foolishness!" You blink at him before saying slowly, "No more...bug bites?" "Yes! No more—" he shouts before registering what you're saying causing him to trail off and clear his throat. "Ahem, yes. No more bug bites. I will have bed netting brought for both of you. Nothing can be accomplished if you both are not healthy." he quickly turns around, hiding the growing smirk on his face. Bug bites.

Desma:

When she asked you if it was serious, she didn't know what she expected to hear. Of course she hoped to hear that it wasn't serious, that it was just a result of wine and boredom, but you didn't say that. Instead you let out a grunt of irritation. "It's getting serious! This is probably the third night in a row that this has happened!" You point at the mark, your voice laden with exasperation before rubbing it gingerly. "Ah, it's still sore!" she sees you wince and let's out a laugh that sound hollow, even to her ears. "Maybe you should find someone else." She doesn't bother to stop herself. She always feels like she's waiting for the right moment to tell you, or the right time to admit the truth, but it's been so long. And now you're with someone. Someone that exasperates and disappoints you. She knows that she wouldn't, if you would only just pick her. So she says it again. "Find someone else." she looks in your eyes and expects to see a spark of realization, but instead you look at her blankly. "Desma I don't want any bugs to bite me. I'm not trying to find a different one to do it!" She stares at you for a moment before wrapping you in a tight hug. She practically cackles into your ear. "So you're just going to laugh at my suffering?" you say, and she just laughs even harder onto your shoulder. Wiping a tear from her eye she recovers and grins at you. "Don't worry, I have a bed net in my room."

Laverna:

She's pounding the herbs a bit harder than was necessary but she couldn't reach whoever was leaving kisses all over you, so the herbs would have to stand in. You enter, rubbing your neck and she stiffens. "Laverna, do you have anymore of that ointment?" She stops pounding the herbs and slowly turns toward you, swallowing the bitterness that has been building ever since she gave you ointment for the kiss mark the other day, a rigid but poised smile on her face. "I can make some more. Why? More bruises." she squints her eyes slightly, still smiling, even though she feels like throwing something. "Thank you," you say sheepishly, still rubbing at your neck, before adding, "Just when the other one started to fade, I got another one." So not only do you have someone in your bed that isn't her, they also clearly don't care about your reputation. If you liked to be kissed that hard, with that much vigor, she could oblige you, but she would do it in places reserved for only your eyes. And hers of course. "Laverna? Laverna!" you calling out to her jolts her away from her daydream and drops her back into the dismal reality where she is giving you medicine for love bites. "Sorry, must be the heat." she says dryly. "What were you saying?" "I was just saying that I think the bug must be hiding somewhere in my room. I mean, several nights it's bitten me, so it must be hiding out." She feels her eyes widen along with her smile and she can't hide her glee. "You were bitten by a bug. A bug bit you. That, " she points at the mark on your neck that looks less like a kiss mark the more she looks at it. "That is a bug bite." "Yes it is." you furrow your brow at her, "Are you sure you're alright? Should I get you some water?" You look slightly concerned to her and she wishes she could explain to you just how alright she was. "No need!" She lets out a high and clear laugh, grinning at you. "Let's get you some ointment!"

Sutek:

He sits on the ledge, waiting for the nobleman's arrival and trying to enjoy the breeze, but all he can think of is the skin of your neck and someone else's lips. He shudders slightly, the chill of the night the thoughts creeping in about who you would be spending a night like this with. Certainly not him. He let's out a sigh and shifts his weight on the ledge, trying to get comfortable. "Been here awhile?" He startles at the sound of your voice and almost falls of looking in your direction. "Over here." you call out to him, sounding tired. He turns and sees you a couple of ledges over to his right. "Why are you here?" "Sightseeing." you say blandly. He feels like hurling himself off the building to escape his own stupidity. He already knows the answer. Why else would either of you would be sitting on ledges in Upper Cusmo. "You shouldn't be here." he tells you in a low voice and he knows you're only at ease because of the distance between you. You act like you don't hear him, instead looking down at the houses below the two of you. As you look down he sees the mark on your neck again and grits his teeth. He's so fixated on it that when you bring your hand up to it, he almost loses his balance on the ledge again. You suck in a quick breath through your teeth before quickly turning to him. He stiffens, bewildered as your eyes rove over him. "How are you not covered in these?" you ask still rubbing the mark and suddenly the nobleman's arrival is the furthest thing from his mind. Because here you are, asking him why he isn't covered in kiss marks. His mind slows to a grinding halt. Do you want to cover him in kiss marks? "I guess the bugs would be too afraid to bite you." Bug bites? Before he can process what you said a distant bang goes rings out and you quickly jump down from the ledge to follow it. And he jumps down to follow you, fueled by his assignment, but also the satisfaction that he is the one you're spending your night with.

Sarai:

She sees your eyes dart to where she's sitting and she can't help but scoff. She knows you're probably wondering why she didn't permit you to meet with her, the other day. Good. If she has to wonder who you're letting into your bed, then you can wonder why she doesn't want to see you. Aretas signals that you and Merikh may approach the throne and she sizes him up from her place behind the beaded partition. Could Merikh be the one responsible for those marks? You both do always appear to be together, and it wouldn't make him the first young lord to become involved with his subordinates. Knowing that no one can clearly make her out from where she's sitting she allows herself the luxury of a scowl. She couldn't spare an ounce of thought to who you shared your bed with, she really couldn't. But you really presented yourself before her in that state! She moves the beads slightly, just to see if the mark had faded, only to see that if anything, it looks like it stands out even more! "That must hurt." She calls out, startling you, Merikh, and Aretas. She lets herself be concealed by the partition again and repeats herself. "Your neck. That's a very angry looking mark. It must hurt." She can hear how patronizing she sounds, but she can't help but bait you. "Thank you for your concern, Queen Mother, but don't worry! My new bed net should keep the rest of the bugs at bay." She almost throws her fan at you. Bug bites? All of this over bug bites? "See a healer while you're here. We'd hate for there to be an infection." You thank her, but the rest of the conversation fades from her attention, and she let's out a chuckle under her breath. Just a bug bite.

Nari:

You're in the palace today, and so is she, but as long as she stays out of the main halls, she should be able to avoid running into you. "There you are Nari!" She stands still, part of her thinking that if she could just stand still enough, she would blend into the walls and you'd look elsewhere. "Nari, it's me!" Alright, so you definitely see her. Turning toward you slowly, she gives you a grimace that she hopes can pass for a smile. "Good morning—or evening? What time is it?" she let's out a nervous laugh and when you return it with a genuine one she can't stop her treacherous heart from quickening. "Unfortunately, it is morning." your laugh is lighthearted, but she can see a trace of light fatigue weighing down your features. You rub your neck and she sees the angry looking mark. "Hurts..."

"What?" you say, and she realizes that she's spoken without thinking.

"I—I mean, that spot looks like it hurts!"

"Oh this. The bugs ruined my sleep and still bit me, but I'll pick up some salve and a bed net after I'm down here.

You yawn and she can't help but smile.

Looking at your bug bite affectionately, thankful that there was no mystery lover, she says softly, "I'm glad."

"So you're on the bug's side?" you laugh and she flushes.

"No, no! I'm on your side, always yours!"

Aretas:

"My King?" "Yes?" he says breathlessly. You look at him, as if waiting for him to say more. When he doesn't you lean forward and say again.

"My King." "Yes." you rub your eyes with a sigh and he braces for your response. His heart beats in his chest and he's sure that this will change your relationship from now on, but he couldn't keep quiet with you wearing someone else's affection on your neck.

"My King, are you referring to my bug bite?"

He blinks, and slowly points at your neck.

"A bug bite?" the words come out stilted, like he's never said them together before.

"Yes my King, a bug bite. What do you mean by people waiting for me?"

"The bugs! The bugs must be waiting! To bite you! You must taste good, so—so the bugs in the palace probably want a taste too!" he laughs frantically as he tries to stitch his almost confession into a terrible bug bite joke.

You laugh awkwardly with him and he can feel himself sweating through his robes.

He regains a modicum of his composure and looks at you seriously.

"What I mean to say is that you are cared about. I will send you a well made bed net." he eyes shine with words unsaid and he hesitantly takes your hand. "I would hate to see you ill, regardless of the cause."

Heka:

He can feel you as soon as you enter the room, you mere presence shattering any of his concentration. Instead of chants and mantras, images of the inflamed mark on your neck rush to the forefront of his mind, and the unfortunately familiar ache of envy settles in his chest.

"What brings you here?" he says and cringes at how cold he sounds.

"Heka, does the temple sell incense?"

"It's a temple. They don't sell anything. They accept honorable contributions." he snorts and shakes his head, his eyes still closed to continue the farce of meditating.

"How much of an honorable donation does someone have to make to get some of the incense that repels bugs. My neck can't make it through another night with them."

At that his eyes open.

"Your neck?" he says, trying to hide his eagerness.

"Look what they did to me!" you gesture at your neck and he smiles.

Climbing down from the platform he was trying to meditate on, he takes your hand with a relieved smile.

I think you already have your answer without even realizing it. This is something that takes years to build. It won't happen overnight. For me, it definitely didn't. So the first piece of advice I'd give you is… don't give up.

I first started writing IFs in 2020 during the pandemic. I was stuck at work because everything was slow, and I needed something to keep my brain occupied. Back then, I was really into Choices, the mobile game app, and someone there told me about The Wayhaven Chronicles.

I started reading Wayhaven and thought, "Okay… this is such a cool concept. I bet I could do my own." So I looked into Hosted Games, joined the forum, and started coding and writing my very first game, The Burning Sun.

My grammar, my sentence structure, my understanding of the English language… all of it was bad. 😭 But I kept going because I had a story I wanted to tell, and I just wanted it out there.

Then there was a Halloween writing competition on the forum, and believe it or not, my little story, The Keeper of Midnight, which later became The Midnight Saga, actually won. So I decided to turn it into a full game and release it with Hosted Games.

And let me tell you… everything that could go wrong went wrong. lol.

The grammar was bad, the sentence structure was bad, and there was not a single contraction in that story. The first few reviews genuinely crushed me for weeks. I was in a really bad mental space and seriously considered giving up.

The one thing that stayed consistent was the smut. However egregious it was, people seemed to enjoy it. So after a few months, I decided to keep going instead of quitting.

Someone suggested I open a Patreon, and at first I thought, "There is no way people are going to pay for my bad writing." But eventually I did open one, and let me tell you… it did not go well at first. I made $59 for the entire year of 2021.

Honestly, even that felt like a blessing because who were these people giving me money??? 😭 I'm pretty sure some of them are still around today.

But all of that taught me that other authors huge beginnings wasn't going to be my beginning.

Money-wise, it also depends on your situation and your goals. My partner still works, so I have someone to fall back on if Patreon doesn't work out. Patreon income can be incredibly unpredictable, so don't put all your eggs in one basket, especially if you need a stable income to pay bills.

I also made a ton of mistakes early on. I didn't know what to post, how often to post, or how to market myself. I even got into a bit of controversy on Tumblr in early 2021 and got blacklisted by a bunch of authors, which definitely hurt my visibility. (No, I will not elaborate. 😄) Just know that Tumblr today and Tumblr back then, especially in the IF community, are VERY different places.

The actual advice:

Growing a Patreon takes a lot of work, and consistency is probably the biggest thing. Keep posting updates. Keep posting snippets. Open a Tumblr blog. Most of my Patreons come from Tumblr.

Write a story YOU want to read. That's what's going to keep you motivated when writing gets exhausting, because IF writing absolutely can be exhausting.

Start small if you need to. Get something out there. I genuinely think having a published game helped me because people read it and wanted more, so they went out of their way to find me afterward.

When it comes to criticism, take what helps and discard what's hateful or useless. Nowadays I've learned to tune out bad reviews unless they actually offer constructive feedback that can help me improve. But I still cry at someone saying that my games are TUBI Originals. 😭

And don't get discouraged if nobody reads your work at first. Believe me, I've been there. Proof is… you guys only really see me now, but I've been around since 2020. 😭

So keep doing you. Keep writing. Also, join writing groups. There are some AMAZING authors out there who aren't active on Tumblr or social media but give incredible advice through Discord communities.

And seriously, get beta testers. The amount of times my beta testers have pointed out grammar mistakes or awkward phrasing I completely missed is honestly astounding, and I love them for it because it genuinely helped me improve.

Also explore self-publishing. By that, I mean publishing games yourself instead of only going through Hosted Games so you can keep a bigger portion of the revenue. I'm personally doing both. I don't think I have the audience yet to go fully solo, and Hosted Games already has a built-in audience. Publishing with them helps more people discover my work, and then when I self-publish projects, I already have more eyes on them.

And finally… explore genres.

I started with fantasy and horror, then eventually switched into more slice-of-life stories, and people seemed to resonate with those more. So don't be afraid to experiment and figure out where your voice shines the brightest.