loveiswater:
Calling him an idiot is putting it rather delicately. Kieran knows he deserves worse than that, much worse, but he also knows Andie well enough by now to know that this is as bad as it’ll get. She’s too kind to give him what he really deserves, and it makes him faintly wonder if any of this – their relationship – could ever be considered healthy. He doubts it. Therapists would probably waste no time in tossing words around like emotional abuse, and although Kieran’s never been the type to side with shrinks – he’d spent his whole life actively trying to rebel against them, if anything, not wanting to ever actually agree with anything they said to him – they might have a point. It seems unfair that he can continuously hurt Andie, refuse to put in as much effort into their relationship as she does, refuse to give as much love as she gives him – Kieran’s still aware that the only time he’d told her he loved her was when they thought she might have murdered someone, which not only proves how dramatic he is ( as if that even needs proving though, really ) but also proves that he doesn’t say it nearly enough – and get away with it. It’s hardly fair, and Kieran makes a note to work on it in the future. Even if it’s baby steps, tiny little acts of kindness and love, at least it’ll be progress.
One of these baby steps is not refusing to hug Andie when she asks, and instead picking himself up off the living room floor and instantly making his way over to the sofa. He bends down and gives her as good of a hug as he can manage when he’s a) still uneasy about physical contact and b) when there’s two cats on her lap. They make it incredibly difficult to hug her, and Kieran is certain they’re perfectly aware of that, but just don’t care either way. He settles down next to Andie on the sofa after his attempt at a hug and crosses his legs, frowning a little as he thinks back over some of the things she’d said.
❛ I can’t believe your neighbour tried to set you up with someone. ❜ Of all the things Andie had said, that was, by far, the least important thing. It was utterly trivial when compared to everything else – to I love you’s and statements that were so sweet Kieran still can’t quite believe they were even real, let alone directed at him, of all people – but he still latches onto it anyway, somehow affronted and amused by the idea at the same time. ❛ You should still go, though, just for a laugh. Plus, it means you’d get free dinner. ❜ He’s trying to joke about it, to let amusement outweigh insult, though he can’t help but look for assurance. ❛ He’s not better than me, though, this guy, is he ?? I mean, even if he is, you should probably still say he isn’t. My poor, fragile ego won’t survive otherwise. ❜
He smells the same. There’s a part of her that expects him to smell like the sea or like a different person instead all she gets is a whiff of peppermint and the edge of rain. She hugs him as best she can, her slender arms wrapping around his waist for a few moments before she let’s him go. He isn’t one for physical contact and she gets it-- she has her days when the only person she can stand is maggie-- and his hand on her back when she shoots up-- half awake from a nightmare.
she laughs at him-- she can’t help it. The expression on his face amuses her and there’s a part of her--the art that has her laughing with her head tipped back against the sofa-- that’s intrigued by the hint of jealousy in his voice. “She thought I needed a nice boy for a change. Okay? He’s a doctor-- in her eyes I couldn’t do much better. I tried to tell her that I wasn’t exactly up for grabs but--” She looks at him with an expression worryingly similar to one he makes at times-- normally before all hell broke loose. “I should go. But if I do-- I’ll take you with me. She might pass out.” She sets the kittens down on the floor-- lets them tumble around together. They are happy and that is obvious-- she is happy too. Somewhere within all her feelings there is an undeniable happiness about seeing him again.
“There is nothing fragile about your ego-- and I’m not even sure what you mean by better than you. I mean he’s attractive-- intelligent. He brought me flowers once? But he doesn’t make me laugh. He doesn’t understand that I think cupcakes can be breakfast food and there’s this small matter of him not being the only person who manages to surprise me. Like properly surprise me.” She wrinkles her nose slightly-- remembering the man in question. “He tried to kiss me. Once.” She shakes her head slightly before nudging sprinkles gently with her feet. She coos at the small animal before looking at Kieran. “Do you... we could make dinner. Together. If you...wanted.” It’s a strange suggestion-- considering she can’t recall ever seeing him cook anything but the sight of him covered in flour is something that could amuse her. She just wants to feel normal--wants to spend a minute with him before the world realizes he is back-- before he starts working again and she gets caught up in school. She wants one night of him-- and then she will try and pick up her own pieces. She dropped them all when he left and she didn’t realize how much she wanted them back. She wants to feel like herself again.
