⭐️about me ⭐️
- she/her - guitarist/vocalist/producer/artist - grungy femme - film enthusiast - wlw - dumbass
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Not today Justin

Product Placement
RMH

pixel skylines
cherry valley forever
Jules of Nature
$LAYYYTER
styofa doing anything
art blog(derogatory)
ojovivo

blake kathryn

@theartofmadeline
Xuebing Du

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
Acquired Stardust
Game of Thrones Daily
occasionally subtle

seen from Russia

seen from Malaysia

seen from Italy

seen from Italy

seen from Malaysia
seen from United Kingdom

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Malaysia

seen from Norway
seen from United States

seen from Canada
seen from Malaysia
seen from Italy

seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
@totalpyjamacat
⭐️about me ⭐️
- she/her - guitarist/vocalist/producer/artist - grungy femme - film enthusiast - wlw - dumbass

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Got tagged by @bug-gribble for a describe-me-in-gifs game 🤙
1. My mindset
2. Personality
3. Style
4. If I were a cartoon
5. If I were a movie
6. If I were a superhero/antivillain
7. If I were an animal
8. If I were a monster
9. How I look
10. If I were a singer
This was a ton of fun, thanks for the tag, Emil!
@nataliescatorccioapologist @lovinglylivid @c-riptide @wolfstarwitch70
nancy downs
— orange juice, noah kahan for @bandydear

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When you get this, list 5 of your favorite songs, then publish. Send this ask to 10 of your favorite mutuals 💜
Hmmmm I gotta think this one through! These are a few of my faves in no particular order:
- Petals - Hole
- Waltz #1 - Elliott Smith
- Nude - Radiohead
- Coyote, Little Brother - Mitski
- King Of Nails - Sparklehorse
Jeez I don’t even know how I could condense all of my favourite songs into a shortlist like this, it’s barely a sliver lol
Thanks crim for the fun prompt 🤘
@nataliescatorccioapologist
@bug-gribble
@c-riptide
@straporccio
@wolfstarwitch70
@natsguitar
How do people watch Shauna clutch her dead baby to her chest, look straight at us, the audience, with tears streaming down her face, and plead directly to us, “Can’t you hear him crying? Why can’t you hear him crying?” and still reduce her in Season 3 to an evil, unfeeling villain instead of someone clearly drowning in the paranoia, grief, and severe trauma that stem from this moment? This scene in particular literally begs us to understand Shauna, and to understand that everything that follows. Season 3 Shauna is not devoid of humanity, what she goes through is so deeply human.
cw: discussions of slutshaming, sexual assault, classism and racism
i've been thinking about how tai's and jackie's slutshaming of nat give insight into the complex influence of classism on their personal relationships and what this reveals about the social hierachy between the yellowjackets.
something i think that's interesting about nat's gender presentation and her approach toward the other girls is that it is a bit "not like other girls," but i don't know if i agree that it's "not like other girls" in an intentionally diminishing way.
one thing about being raised poor is that it, like the myriad of other ways you can be subjugated/oppressed, is something that -takes- your gender too, especially in terms of femininity. if you go to school smelling like smoke because your dad hotboxed you in the car, your footing in the gender box that society prefers (clean, put-together, in some ways innocent) is impacted. if your clothes are ripped and stained and you don't have many of them, this can become a struggle too. you're not like other girls because you literally are not like other girls, and it's even possible that you're experiencing the punishment not just from shitty boys but also your girl peers-- it's just how it goes.
and so in the case of nat, it kind of makes sense to me? if you're already outside the box of "girl" in the way that the world would prefer, it becomes a protective strategy to simply lean into that distance. (more on this in a sec.)
as an example, i do think it's interesting that taissa's go-to for nat when they were arguing over allie was, "you smell like a wino. get your shit together." the term wino is pretty often associated with homelessness or being drunk in the streets, so the comment isn't just a nod toward what might be going on with nat drinking-wise but also a pretty charged statement in relation to her class status. this sort of dynamic carries into the adult timeline too, where it's definitely felt through various interactions that shauna and tai look down at nat in different ways. (and don't get me wrong, it's quite complicated, especially in terms of her dynamic with tai and the tumultuous rehab support there.)
all the same, i think this whole class impact on gender thing continues on with respect to nat's sexuality and how this is commented on by other characters too (re: jackie and tai). the reason this feels like another class thing is that "chastity" has its roots in women as material objects with worth rooted in a perceived "purity." chastity is naturally going to be more often surveilled and prioritized in richer families who have the time/energy to keep an eye on their children. meanwhile, poorer families might not have the resources to surveil children in the same way (even if a parent, like nat's dad, clearly wants to control this aspect). so nat's even having had sexual experiences can be a bit of a nod to her class-- the fact that she was able to be in spaces where this was possible, to disappear into those relationships, even at a younger age, can speak to this.
but yeah, when you do look at nat, you see that she primarily has relationships with men. her younger friends, kevyn and rich. her connection with travis. her connection with ben. there's probably a level of internalized misogyny there, but i think it's also interestingly placed at odds with nat's protectiveness over womanhood: when she has her comeback to travis after he makes sexist comments about her having sexual experience; when ben checks out from shauna's delivery and nat rushes to her side to hold her hand and tell her that women have been having babies for since the dawn of time; even when nat takes up the gun after her dad throws her mom to the ground.
what i'm saying here is that nat is actually often moving toward women-- her taking lisa under her wing, her teaching gen to hunt, her making way for lottie in the bath, her reassuring shauna, even her reaching out to work with hannah. when she says marishauna's beef is "dumb girl shit," it does grate because it's a diminishing thing to say about a real dynamic that is causing problems in the group, and not necessarily to defend it, but i do think it comes from a place of conceptualizing behaviors she has maybe been at the end of (gossip, slut-shaming, classist remarks) as "dumb girl shit" to better let them roll off her back.
all that to say, i think nat does have some internalized misogyny stuff going on, but i also think she cares deeply about her teammates and actually does respect them. it's just that she has simultaneously been boxed out of "woman" by the ways classism and purity culture also intersect with her own experience of misogyny. so there's this level of care there met with this distance of "i'm not like you. because you would never let me be."
Shaun Tan, The Vision (2016)

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natalie as daddy meta (part 1)
(happy father's day to this depressed italian!)
okay, okay, okay. silly title aside, something that has really been tugging at me with regard to natalie scatorccio is the concept of fatherhood. ever since season 3 aired, i've been seeing a lot of callbacks to natalie's upbringing and her dad's death. interestingly, much of the discussion has centered around nat's relationship with coach ben & tends to position ben as another father figure to nat (thus making her move to kill him all the more tragic).
and yes, yes, GO OFF. however, i think a more fruitful examination of nat's relationship to fatherhood can be explored by considering nat as never actually being fathered (not even by coach ben). rather, nat is character who, by virtue of her own trauma, naturally seeks to fill in the gaps left by shitty fathers. she's a character who understands deeply a father's capacity for disappointment, for abandonment, and even for violence. and the way she moves through this intuition is to become a type of caregiver, to become a protector, & to essentially adopt the role of father in the wilderness (as far as it will let her).
to this end, i would even argue coach ben is not a father figure to natalie-- she's actually a father figure to him.
(the crowd GASPS.)
okay, okay stay with me.
natalie scatorccio + fuck me eyes by ethel cain
a boy is a gun
or, the nat scatorccio + masculinity essay, featuring guns
warnings for mentions of: physical abuse, sexual assault, suicide, and canon-typical violence
"I think Lottie and Nat have a deep understanding of each other." — Courtney Eaton
natalie scatorccio + sanctified by matt maeson

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On Natalie’s avoidance
Natalie’s lifelong avoidance is the most fascinating and complex aspect of her character. Her instinct to withdraw rather than confront shapes nearly every choice she makes throughout the series and lies at the heart of her entire character arc.
Natalie grew up in a violent household where direct conflict meant danger. Her father’s abuse conditioned her to associate confrontation with pain or humiliation, so she learned to defuse, obey, deflect, or stay silent rather than fight back unless absolutely necessary. She grew up walking on eggshells as a form of survival, tiptoeing around her father to avoid verbal and physical violence. Her attempt to stand up to her father by pointing a gun at him resulted in his death, which she blames herself for and causes her fear of conflict to become even more deeply ingrained and instinctual.
Her avoidance of conflict as a survival mechanism bleeds out into everyday interactions, even when the threat level is low. We’re introduced to this aspect of Natalie as soon as we meet her in the pilot episode. When Tai mocks her by saying she “smells like a wino,” Natalie storms off with a sharp “Fuck this.” On the surface, it seems apathetic or dismissive, but it’s actually a clear act of avoidance. She removes herself from the situation before it can turn into a confrontation. Later, when Tai insults her again at the bonfire, Natalie remains silent, her expression revealing hurt she refuses to voice. And when a fight breaks out among her teammates, she is the only one standing off to the side, watching quietly rather than getting involved. These early moments establish a defining pattern: Natalie’s instinct to withdraw from conflict instead of asserting herself, which leads to disastrous consequences both in the wilderness and post-rescue.
Nat’s avoidance takes on many forms throughout the series.
Nat evades accountability by positioning herself as a bystander in situations of violence that she benefits from, staying on the sidelines rather than engaging or intervening, which allows her to protect herself from the full weight of the guilt while still acting in self-interest. It is particularly evident when she lets Javi drown to save her own life or stands by as the others capture and torture Coach Ben, actions that conflict with her personal morals. While she acknowledges some measure of responsibility, her decision to stay on the sidelines (expressing opposition to these events but never actually intervening) ensures that others, such as Shauna or Lottie, bear the brunt of the guilt and culpability.
She avoids communicating or addressing her emotions directly, instead expressing them through manipulative or indirect means that allow her to avoid the risk of emotional vulnerability. This is shown through her dynamics with Travis and Lottie, in particular. She’s feeling jealous, resentful, and fearful about Travis’s growing connection to Lottie amidst his search for Javi, so she fakes Javi’s death as a way of drawing him closer to her and away from Lottie; instead of communicating her insecurity to Travis directly. And instead of voicing her jealousy of Lottie’s leadership, her fear of the Wilderness, and her unease about the direction Lottie is taking the group in, Natalie channels her feelings into a hunting competition, turning an emotional conflict into a tangible one she can control.
When a conflict is inevitable, Nat often delays it for as long as possible. When Javi returns alive after Nat told Travis he was dead, Natalie immediately leaves the room as Travis and Javi reunite and avoids talking to Travis about her lie for as long as possible, only admitting to it after he calls her out on it. She refuses to properly address the growing conflict between Shauna and Mari (as well as Shauna’s increasing resentment of Nat’s leadership), hoping it will blow over or go away on its own. When Shauna and Mari get into a physical altercation, Nat’s response is to immediately shut it down and lock them away in their separate huts instead of allowing them to actually process the emotions behind it. And Nat continues to keep the secret that she knows Coach Ben is alive, delaying his inevitable discovery by the group for as long as she can.
She freezes in moments of verbal or physical hostility and violence, shown in her standing helplessly on the sidelines as Shauna beats Lottie and in her blatant passivity during Shauna’s authoritarian takeover.
Nat copes primarily through denial and escape. After being rescued, she spirals into substance use and addiction, a desperate attempt to numb herself and avoid processing the unbearable weight of her trauma. Her insistence that Travis did not kill himself, paired with her obsessive search for his supposed killers, reflects how she uses denial to protect herself from confronting her grief, guilt, and sense of betrayal associated with his death. Even her relationship with the Wilderness embodies avoidance, as she appears to secretly believe in its power, but she rejects and ridicules that belief in others, deflecting from the terror and uncertainty that acknowledging that darkness within herself would bring.
Natalie’s avoidance is at the core of her character, which is exactly why her story ends at Lottie’s compound. Her time on the compound forces her to face the full weight of her trauma, anger, guilt, accountability, and the deep-seated fears that have governed her choices for so long. For the first time, with Lottie’s guidance, she begins to process these emotions openly, confronting the memories and patterns she has long avoided, which lays the groundwork for true healing. This journey toward self-confrontation and understanding culminates in her final act: when Misty raises the syringe, Natalie leaps in front of it, taking direct action and refusing to repeat the pattern of standing helplessly on the sidelines. In this moment, she asserts agency over her life and death, embracing confrontation, taking responsibility, and ultimately finding a measure of forgiveness for herself.
Misty learning behaviors from Nat, especially after Nat learns about the transponder, to scare, intimidate, or upset others because it worked well on her…