Tim

i think there’s actually nothing better than being randomly told “I love you” after doing something characteristically stupid. Like what do you mean I’m a lovable person and I just did something silly and you thought “of course you would do that. I love you.”. No better feeling

lately my kids have been playing Baby Knife, which consists of somebody acting as a baby with knife hands chasing people while going "baby knife baby knife" over and over. is this a thing or are they just insane

we have a new teacher this year who has never had kindergarten before & she rounded em all up & told em No Baby Knife and No Zombies and idk how to tell her that 1. all kindergarten recess games boil down to Give Birth And Kill Each Other and 2. the absurd vaguely inappropriate games they make up are usually better than when they try to play an Actual game like soccer

Baby Knife is straightforward. theres a baby knife. baby knife chases you. thats about it. when they try to play Real Sports every single child is playing by a different set of rules unbeknownst to the others and none of them are playing by the Actual rules. everybody is mad at everybody else and running up to tell on their colleagues for cheating every 3 minutes. this doesnt happen when they play Baby Knife

i scare people lots because i walk very softly and they don’t hear me enter rooms so when they turn around i’m just kind of there and their fear fuels me

i think we've done a great job expanding the view of what a child's favorite animal can be. kids these days can say they love axolotls or pangolins or coelecanths and their decision is respected. maybe their parents can even find them a stuffed animal of it if they know where to look. and i think that's beautiful

you contradict yourself because you contain multitudes. i contradict myself because i am wrong.

Every time I see this I go “oh, neat pony” and scroll past while my brain chugs through the caption like the slowest computer on earth and I have to scroll back up to it

I saw the bear and said “oh, cool bear” out loud to myself, I think I may just actually be very stupid

normalize making sounds at eachother. if i can meow at you unprompted ESPECIALLY if you meow back we are best friends. meow mrrow

Happy new year Gotham!!!!!!

OUTTA TOUCH THURSDAY!

The last Out of Touch Thursday of 2021

The last Out of Touch Thursday of 2022!

The Final Out Of Touch Thursday 2023!

THE LAST OUT OF TOUCH THURSDAY OF 2024!

The carton of chicken broth and the carton of iced coffee in the fridge are both the same colors and friends, I very nearly made myself a truly terrible beverage

I love organ emojis. We need more. 🫁🧠🫀 why don’t we have intestines or gallbladder

if i had a dollar for every pixel in this image i’d have 15 cents

if i had a dollar for every ounce of rage i felt in my body after i read this comment i would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you

actually I did the math, they would have $225, not $0.15

sis i’m right here….

if i had a dollar i would buy a can of soda :)

while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?

sorry i only have a dollar

:(

if i had $22,500 i would buy a can of soda and an apply juice

You can buy anything you want with $22500

yeah and they want soda and apply juice

apply juice to what

directly to the forehead

Great post guys

@fish-identifier

We can’t be certain until @fish-identifier calls it

I have been eating instant ramen for the past three days. I think I'm going back to eating cereal every day.

Please get a protein shake or something omg