You’ve probably already heard this, but it bears repeating, so I will remind you again: you cannot look to celebrities as an example of what your body should look like.
These are people who have resources most of us couldn’t even begin to imagine. I’m not just talking about the airbrushing and photoshop that goes into public releases of their image. They have access to multiple minor and major cosmetic surgeries that most of us have never heard of. They’re probably all being pressured to get these surgeries to keep their careers active, too. Personal trainers, easy access to drugs, reckless abuse of prescription medications like Ozempic, personal stylists, clothing tailors, personal shoppers, etc…
And if you’re reading through this list and thinking “a lot of that stuff sounds really unhealthy, no one should be expected to live like that!” you have stumbled upon an excellent sub-point of my post! Many celebrities are crushed under the weight of expectations to constantly maintain a very specific image to keep their careers, at any and all costs, including enough money to feed several small families. It’s very removed from what the average person is experiencing in life, and not in a positive way. But my main point is simply that when you look at images of celebrities and wonder how they seem to stay forever thin, never showing any of the less palatable signs of aging, with perfect hair and perfectly-fitted clothing and perfect lines about how to achieve it all, you do not have to look up to these people and wonder why you can’t do that. The reality is that they have a highly expensive team of people around them at all times making it happen - and most of us do not. And that’s okay. You can be okay with real humanity, which comes with wrinkles and stretch marks and eyebags, changing body shapes, and every mark that real life leaves.
(This goes for high-profile influencers too. To a lesser degree, they have these things, and they’ve made it their job to sell you the image.)
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Everyone is hating and criticising the cover of ‘the middle’ sang by Kelty Greye in Supergirl, I haven’t personally watched the film YET but from the limited spoilers I’ve seen, yes it could be from Ruthye’s perspective. It matches. But also, think about it, maybe just maybe, all these men that are criticing the film aren’t the target audience. We’ve seen this before, with other female superheroes (birds of prey, captain marvel, ect) and even the Barbie movie!!! Where men will watch these films and not relate and then give horrid reviews that it wasn’t about them, even when it wasn’t for them. Personally, from what I’ve seen, the song choice isn’t bad. It’s not a scene to feel tense in, like when Mr Terrific put Lois Lane in a bubble while fighting around her with lighthearted music playing—it’s a similar feel. This time, it’s a moment of realisation that ‘yes, everything is going to be alright’ and it’s sang in a flowy voice, like an out of body experience when the world is crashing around you but you still feel safe. You are confident in your abilities and everything will be alright.
it's time for the action movie industry to do away with tired tropes I don't like and start using tired tropes that cater to me specifically. STOP making the hero choose between saving their love interest and a civilian, START making groups of heros duke it out over which one gets to sacrifice themselves. STOP using love triangles, START using star crossed lovers. STOP casting blonds, START casting brunettes with gay haircuts (gender neutral)
also, fuck off with fridging, make fight scenes fun again, and more heros should be sad and pathetic and spit blood please and thank you ❤️
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hated women-led superhero movies that have complex female characters, two main characters that have a sister-like bond, villains who are powerful men who abuse girls, whilst having commentary on hypocrisy and double standards, they could never make me hate you
Look I don't think Supergirl (2026) is secretly a perfect masterpiece or anything (I personally thought it was like. a 6/10 fun time) but I do think it's wild that Tumblr isn't going crazy for it because this Kara is one coattailed suit away from being a Tumblr sexyman. she is the flawed messy female character people have supposedly been clamouring for. she's the popular archetype of a gruff self-destructive alcoholic middle-aged man begrudgingly having to look after a kid and growing fond of them but genderswapped and also 23. she's allowed to be visibly messy and kind of gross and her hair is constantly all over the place and she literally cries, screams, throws up, and pisses onscreen. she's caustic and mean and puts up an act of carelessness but has a heart of gold. she's heavily traumatised and coping with it terribly. if anything happens to her dog she will kill everyone in this room and then herself. she spends most of the movie in a trench coat and baggy band T-shirt. she gets into bar brawls and breaks a guy's hand. she is Going Through It 24/7 and looks the part. she stabs a guy in the throat. how is everyone else not obsessed with her.
Of course they don’t like Milly Alcock’s Supergirl. She’s a grown ass woman with zero love interests who spends the movie saving her dog, casually dismantling a sex trafficking ring while she’s at it, and preaching the importance of being good, not nice or smiley or cheerful but good. I for one adored the movie and I really hope I’ll get to see more of Alcock’s Supergirl she’s now my favorite iteration of her and I love her so dearly.
Seriously, after I came out of the cinema I couldn't understand why there was so much hatred to it! Supergirl was wonderful and full of action that keeps you hooked to the seat. I Loved watching a messy chaotic flawed woman superhero! It was so liberating!!!!! Milly Alcock effortlessly carried the movie on her shoulders! Brilliant performance! !!!
White supremacist capitalist patriarchy and season 4 of The Bear
I hear folks who are absolutely pissed that it looks like season 4 of The Bear ended with a petulant Carmy who got knocked off his pedestal, running cos now he doesn't know what to do with himself. I hear the anger. I also viscerally raged as I binge watched last night. For me, a lot of this had to do with the idea that this white man who is so used to being excellent, now has to deal with maybe not being excellent. But instead of dealing, it looks like he's vanishing. Like his dad did. Repeating old patterns.
But on a very rough night's sleep worth of reflection, I've come to the conclusion that this is probably a legerdemain. Let me explain.
Carmy is part of a system - white supremacist capitalist patriarchy to be exact. And that system ascribes roles and expectations on everyone that gets subjected to it. Including white folks. I've talked about Carmy's racialisation here but the TLDR of it is that Carmy is part of the Italian-American community that has been assimilated into whiteness over time in America. As a white man he sits at the top of a racial hieriarchy with a history and current reality of horrendous violence and control. He grew up and worked in cultures that valorised a toxic, violent, white masculinity that expected him to perform excellence, dominate and control everything around him as a result.
The rest of us - particularly racialised women (I'm a non-Black, diasporic woman of colour so I can't speak to Syd's specific experience but I think this holds true for all WOC) - we are never expected to dominate. We are often expected to be excellent because of the time and resources invested in us by our parents and communities and because of white supremacist capitalist patriarchy's insistence that mediocrity is a luxury that only white folks get to enjoy without being penalised. This garbage catch-22 is most starkly articulated by Syd during her nightmare in 4x08 Green:
Syd: And then, you're gonna take a perfect little sliver of chive, put that all on top, and it'll be great. And of course, if your dish fails, its no worry at all, no trouble, really. You'll just be a complete waste of space and a failure and a disappointment to anybody who's devoted any time or energy to you.
So how does a white man like Carmy - who was never socialised to be of service in community, who was raised throughout childhood and his career to smoke others, to prove that he could smoke others ("fuck you, watch this") - how does that white man navigate a world where he's no longer the best? Where he's no longer in control?
If that white man was integrated and mature? Well he wouldn't have been trying to dominate in the first place. But for argument's sake and in this context, if this hypothetical white man was those things - integrated and mature - maybe, he might take a step back and let others lead.
But Carmy isn't integrated. He's not there yet. Realistically, he does have to unlearn a lifetime of abuse, socialisation, racialisation and his own dysfunctional coping strategies so that he doesn't keep hurting people. He does have to figure out who he is without all of this bullshit. Honestly, as infuriating as this was to watch...I get it?
The frustration is that we, the viewers, have seen all the characteristics that Carmy identifies in Syd in that fight from 4x10, in him too. In 4x10, Carmy tells Syd:
You are considerate. You...You allow yourself to feel things, right? You allow yourself to care. You are a natural leader and teacher.
Across this show, we have seen Carmy be considerate of others, most significantly of the BIPOC people in his life (bringing all the crew at The Beef over with him to The Bear, giving his chef's knife to Tina, making Sydney The Bear's captain), we have seen him deeply feel (see Carmy's long overdue confrontation of his abuser, Chef David Fields in 3x10), we have seen him care (see Carmy's incessant checking in with Syd throughout this show), and we've seen him lead and teach his team (see Carmy walking the crew through how to make chicken piccata in season 1).
We know that Carmy is good. We know that he's deserving of Syd's love and that she is more than deserving of his. We know that folks can chew gum and walk at the same fucking time and so we - I mean most definitely me - yell at the TV screen (and on this platform lol): WHAT THE FUCK MAN? GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND BE THERE FOR SYDNEY, THE OTHER HALF OF YOUR HEART!!!!
But Carmy, and a lot of other straight, white men (and white women, quite frankly), probably don't know this about themselves. They probably don't know that its not being a soft shitty bitch when you're considerate of others, that you can feel hurt and pain and survive it, that you can care about others and have that be a strength, and that you can lead quietly and consistently without swinging your dick and trying to smoke motherfuckers.
I mean, America. Look at who the majority of white voters - that's white men and white women - elected to lead your country, for fucks sake.
This is white supremacy culture at work. This is the Berzatto's intergenerational, racialised trauma at work. White supremacist capitalist patriarchy facilitates the conditions for white people to not know themselves in their wholeness. To not know who they are in relation to others and the world. In fact, it invites everyone into this condition (via assimilation). So how do you resist it?
Integration time
How will Carmy fix it? How will he integrate?
Carmy will need to learn about himself. In 4x09 Tonnato, Donna tells him that she doesn't know him and he doesn't know her. This is true.
There is work to be done here in terms of understanding his lineage and the history that makes up Carmy's very skin and bones. But he has already begun doing this: Carmy knowing about tonnato because of his culinary training and imparting that cultural knowledge to his Italian-American mother because she's lost that knowledge or never had it to begin with made me tear up because THIS is the work of integration. Of reclaiming your history. Of resisting assimilation. It fucking hit me in the chest, right in my displaced, diasporic heart.
If Carmy was paying attention, he would have also seen Richie doing this throughout season 2. Recall his basement chat with Carmy in 2x01:
Richie: You know, um, I'm trying really hard to be on board with all this new shit, cousin. I'm, uh, I'm reading a lot. I'm trying to learn about who am I to my history.
Likewise, Sydney spent all of season 2 studying and integrating her past trauma into effective leadership for her team. I know for certain that we are going to learn and see more about Sydney's history in season 5 (if the show gets picked up again) and how this has influenced her professionally and personally.
But then what? What will Carmy do after he's undertaken that work?
This is where Luca's plotline is crucial and not just as a vehicle for us to gush over him and Marcus (which, yes, I gushed. I'm still gushing. They're adorable, supportive of one another and an indecently attractive couple).
Recall the conversation between Luca and Tina in 4x08 Green:
Luca: Pressure.
Tina: How do you get rid of it?
Luca: I think you get to a point where you don't want to. Like, at first the pressure sucks, right? Its the pressure that makes you feel shitty at what you do. And actually, thats just the pressure getting in the way. You learn to live with it. And then, next thing you know, you thrive on it. And before you know it, you can't fucking wait to get rocked. Like, you want that pressure, you need that pressure to be able to perform.
Tina: *looks dubious* (me and you both my Queen lmao)
Luca: So, then, the challenge actually becomes, can you live without that pressure?
Tina: Can you?
Luca: I guess not. 'Cause I'm back here working for Carmy again, so...I'm probably not the person to ask, but you let me know if you find out, Chef.
What Luca is describing, a state of not being able to wait to get rocked? That might be fine every now and then for motivation's sake. But what Luca is describing is a state of mind that folks are expected to be in for the duration of their working lives. He's telling Tina how to survive if she wants to remain working in this system. Wanting to get rocked, learning to live with getting rocked sounds the tagline for any ad selling white supremacist capitalist patriarchy to the masses: With our centuries-old system, you too can learn how to tolerate getting fucked, regularly!
Problem is, we are humans, not replicants (shout out to Richie and Phillip K Dick), and we don't take kindly to being fucked every day of our working lives. The Bear knows this too. Recall Mikey answering Tina's question about whether he likes his work, in 3x06 Napkins: "I definitely do not like never not being fucked."
So the question is, once you become accustomed to this way of life, like Carmy has, like Luca was, like many of us are, can you conceive of a different world? A different way of being?
I know Luca tells Tina in the above convo that he isn't there yet but truthfully, he is. Luca comes back to Chicago to "address things and not run away from things" as he tells Marcus in 4x08 Green. Those things involve his family, namely his sister. He's there to address something to do with his roots. In doing so, he says its made him appreciate the city. He, like Richie, is doing the work of learning about who he is to his history.
To give himself the space to do this, he's come to The Bear to work as a stage - one of the lowest level staff in the hierarchy of a restaurant. This is someone who once worked as a sous at Ever - ranked the best restaurant in the world at one point. He's using the skills he has acquired in the course of his pretty decorated career to support others who have not yet had the same opportunities as him.
Luca is at The Bear, doing the quiet, consistent work I've previously talked about: that work that creates the safe space for inspiration, creativity and dreams to thrive. This is the work of being in community. Luca is in community with Marcus, with Tina, with Gary, with Carmy, with Sydney. He is - without ego - supporting and mentoring Tina and Marcus. Luca is resisting (whether consciously or unconsciously) a white supremacist capitalist patriarchal system that would ordinarily demand that he dominate The Bear's kitchen. In doing so, he's being a good culinary ancestor. Next season, should we get it, it will be Carmy's turn: to come back integrated, sure in himself and without ego, to be there to support (in any way she requires it) Sydney.
And by the way, for the record:
In a world where Black women were the single biggest voting block consistently and overwhelmingly using their generations-long-fought right to vote to protect America from itself the zenith of white supremacist capitalist patriarchy - fascism - in 2016, 2020 and 2024, this statement from Carmy:
[A]ny chance of any kind of good in this building, it started when you walked in. And any possibility of it surviving? Its with you.
….is as much about the salvation of The Original Beef of Chicagoland's soul by Sydney, as it is about the United States of America’s by Black women.
we got the fact that sydney lied saying she’d go to the original beef on sundays with her dad when they’re always closed on sundays just to work under carmy (s1 says they are open 7 days a week HOWEVER in s1 episode 8 syd tells marcus that her family rarely ate out and then in season 2 carmy tells claire how much he hates sundays)
the THOUGHT of sydney calming carmy down during a panic attack twice mind you when the thought of claire only made it worse
the iconic table scene in season two
the fact that CARMYS FIRST DISH was the best meal sydney had (looked like a bleeding heart mind you)
burned himself out and put the restaurant in debt because he wanted to get a star FOR SYDNEY not for himself
carmy saying he liked this when it was literally just them in the kitchen in episode one mind you
him literally begging sydney to let him come to the hospital and that phone call in general
both the kid and donna’s crazy ass clocked sydcarmy and they didn’t even watch them interact
carmy literally sounding so sad with that “you didn’t talk to me all service” in episode ten
the fact that sydney knows she can run the bear herself with sugar and richie but she WANTS to work with carmy cried over the fact that he was leaving her
and yet they’re still pushing the claire and carmy narrative when every single action points to carmy and sydney right…right…
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It looks like, in the last shot of Carmy ever, he's gazing at Sydney in front of Richie as she cuts up Evie's birthday cake and narrates the whole thing. That's his family, that's his wife!
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