Made of Star Stuff. And Pie.

Once upon a time in a kingdom far away, there lived a king and queen.

No, that is not quite right. I apologize. I have never written anything like this before.

I made it sound like a fairy tale, and this is not a fairy tale. If I were to call it anything, it would be an autobiography. But even that is not the right word, because this story does not make sense unless I begin before I was born.

It was not a natural conception. My parents, the king and queen, had spent so much time and effort being the very best rulers they could be that for the first two-thirds of their lives, they had forgotten that they did not have an heir to the throne. Despite their best efforts, they could not conceive by natural means.

And so they travelled deep into the black forests surrounding their kingdom, which were known for being filled with dangerous monsters, so they could seek the aid of the most powerful wizard in the land, who lived in a house that was never in the same place twice. He warned them that the nature of magic was often temperamental, and that for everything it gave it must also take away.

The wizard told the king and queen that he could make them a child with just a drop of blood from a pinprick on each of their thumbs, but that the child would be half of a human. It would never feel love or joy or sadness or anger or jealousy or hatred. It would never feel anything at all.

I am told that they were very hesitant at first. They wanted time to make up their minds, but given that there was no guarantee that they could find the wizard’s house the next day, they decided to agree. The wizard pricked their thumbs, cast a spell, and nine months later I was born.

There is not much to say about my early childhood. I studied very hard and became smart. I was trained by the best swordsman in the kingdom and became strong. I kept clean and healthy and became handsome. I did as I was told because I did not feel the desire to do anything else.

Everybody knows the iconic Godzilla. But, let’s explore the other campy Japanese Kaiju (Japanese genre of films and TV featuring giant monsters, or Kaiju can also refer to the monsters, themselves.)

We all enjoy a nice B movie monster in the world of tokusatsu, or “special effect filming” in Japanese. The term is short for a genre of live action films bursting with heavy handed special effects, and a slew of freaky, giant creatures.

Godzilla crossed over into the mainstream media and pop-culture of the Western world, but we missed out on the ones that didn’t. That’s Eiji Tsuburaya, a pioneer of special effects, and a master at making kaiju monsters.

Like Dada, a humanoid alien inspired by the post-WWI European art movement, Dada, that also spread to Japan by the 1920s.

Dada made appearances in the 1960s-70s TV show, Ultraman, with a thirst for world domination and a suit evocative of the art movement’s inspiration from African tribal art. He’s gone thru many face changes over the years. 

At one time, Tsuburaya was making a new monster a week. Let’s look at some of them. Several are really goofy, like Garamon, here, from the series “Ultra Q.” He emerged from a meteorite and emitted a strange clanking noise when he walked. 

Next, is Balloonga, also from “Ultra Q,” that adhered to a rocket on its return from Saturn. It absorbed the rocket’s energy, causing it to crash into the sea, then it absorbed Tokyo’s energy leaving in constant darkness.

Alien Varduck from “Return of Ultraman.” That’s “ice breath” shooting out, b/c he’s also know as “Snow Boy.”

Henpai Sentai, the Molester of the Sea.

I feel so stupid, I never knew that Mothra was Godzilla’s wife. This is getting weird, now.

The Shobijin, two tiny priestesses or fairy twins, that speak for Mothra always fascinated me. Talk about weird. 

Would you believe that the flower blossom monster from the 1970s-80s Japanese TV show “Gosei Sentai Dairanger,”  was the basis for the American  Power Rangers? It fired a round of petals when attacked.

Check out this actor in half a Godzilla costume. It was so heavy, it could only be worn for a few minutes at a time.

They even have an action figure. 

Behind the scenes shots of tokusatsu monster movies show the delightfully miniature sets such suited monsters trampled.

Day 1: “Professor Jones, hate to bother you but there’s an assassin trying to kill me, do you have...yes I see it...*gunshots* just to make sure, is there any paperwork I can file or should I just call the police?”

so please imagine this 20-year-old girl who’s had to practically fight god to convince everyone that, no, she would NOT be happier with a degree in home economics and yes, she DOES want to be an archaeologist. she’s had to deal with male grad students trying to steal her research and constant patronizing questions about whether she can really handle the dirt and insects out in the field. even Indy, who stands up for her when the department leadership tries to pull Some Bullshit, sometimes treats her like a glorified secretary just out of habit

Jones: Are you sure you’re up for this position?

Evie: Dr Jones I assure you that despite being a woman I-

Jones: No no it’s not that, it’s just that there’s a lot of… weird artifacts that come through my door

Evie: Oh, well I actually have some experience with weird

Jones: and sometimes it can get dangerous…

Evie *smiling*: I can handle that as well

(Later in the school year, during a shoot out)

Jones: You weren’t kidding! *gunshots*

Jones: Sure Evie *hands her the bag* 

Evie: *pulls out an old fashion pistol with a large bell* 

Jones: I don’t think that’s going to be enough. 

Evie: Oh it’s not. I’m phoning my husband *fires a flare through the window* 

Jones: I doubt stiff upper lip gent is going to help us right now Evie. 

Evie: I whole heartedly agree Professor Jones.

*A moment later Rick crashes the car through the wall and pulls out a tommy gun. He screams at the top of his lungs as he rushes the bad guys* 

You can get my art on fun stuff like stickers, socks, masks, shirts, even shower curtains!

Okay so everyone’s like BUY STAMPS but if you’re like me, you send maybe 5 letters a year, if that. You’re sitting there going “Okay, I could buy like… a page of stamps, but my last one is still only half-used… I’m more likely to lose it before I use them all up.”

That’s cool, same.

Here’s an alternative option:

Go to the USPS website, as if you’re going to buy some stamps, right? Browse through the fancy new ones until you find one you like… say this one:

Pretty neat, right?

Instead of buying the stamps that will literally take you years to go through, scroll alllllll the way to the bottom.

What’s that? A tote bag with the same design?! Yup! A set of 5 tote bags even, for your friends too. Wouldn’t that be cool to use for trick-or-treating?

You can also type the name of the stamp design you want into the search bar:

A mug! A rubber stamp set!

Different designs have different gifts! There are even gifts for designs they don’t have in individual sheets any more…

Look at the dragons!

There are so many cool things on the USPS’s website. And yeah, some of them also come with stamps (like the kid’s book) but hey, you’re mostly getting the book!

universal: attractions designed to immerse you in our movies