TopnBottom

(Updated 2026-07)

Background

If you've been in the kinky corner of tumblr for a while, you might recognize my username. My old blog was a collection of kinky photos, videos, gifs, and text that I reblogged from a large variety of pages. I kept things organized with a consistent tagging system to keep them all sorted and easy to navigate.

It's been quite a while since I posted. After my previous account was banned I've been hesitant to resume, so I've just been lurking for the past few years. But I think it's time for me to start up again, but with a slightly more personal touch. I'm not about to start posting photos of myself, but I'm going to feel free to do more original writing and add more text to things I reblog.

Me and My Kinks

I'm a straight, male, switch in my mid-thirties. Despite having been in online kink communities since I was 18, I've had very limited kink experiences in real life. Over the years I've played with online subs and dommes on and off and had a lot of fun. In my offline life I have a somewhat vanilla partner. She's aware of my kinks, and is very kindly working on learning about them trying to participate. Luckily she's been very understanding of my desires, and encourages me to talk and play with other people as well.

Most of my kinks fall into the areas of punishment, discipline, and embarrassment. Some of my kinks include:

Spanko (lifelong and my primary kink)

Diapers (forced regression, used as punishment)

Cornertime

Chastity (short-term as a punishment)

Mouthsoaping

Enemas/Suppositories/Soapsticks

Chemical Play (capsaicin cream, icy hot)

Punishment panties

Things that I'm not really into:

Public Play

Degradation

Sissification

Cuckolding

Cutesy AB things (coloring, toys, etc)

I think that's enough of an introduction for now. I'm hoping that writing will help me work through some of my thoughts and feelings, let me understand my particular kinks a little better, and maybe even introduce me to new likeminded friends. My messages are open if you want to introduce yourself.

tl;dr A fan of my old Tumblr page messaged me, and I'm gonna start posting again in the hopes of talking to more people and making new friends. So please feel free to send me a polite message and introduce yourself.

Ok, admittedly I did a pretty bad job last time I "came back," but this time I have a little more motivation to keep up with it.

The other day I got a message on Fetlife from a person whose name I recognized from their popular Tumblr.

"I just want to say that I was so excited to see your name pop up because you were my favorite blog for over a decade and one of my first! Glad to see you are still in the scene despite not being active on tumblr anymore"

My old blog (without the number 2 in the name) had thousands of posts and more followers than I ever imagined. But over the more than 10 years I ran it, I got a total of less than 10 messages from people (yes, really). I'll be honest, it was a little lonely. This Fetlife friend offered their very helpful thoughts:

"Maybe if you also showed a bit of yourself more people would’ve reached out but often times people forget there’s a human behind even the curating blogs. I think your account had quite the influence on my sexuality when I was younger so I have you to thank for probably at least some of this 😂 In a way you influenced the content I ended up making"

This person absolutely brightened my day with these two messages. Even when I knew how many followers would see each of my posts, it was easy to forget that they were real people on the other end enjoying what I was doing, even if I didn't hear from them. So even if you don't take this post as a sign to message me, I'd encourage you to reach out to someone who makes/does something you like and just tell them you enjoy their work.

The anonymous friend also made some very astute observations that I'm gonna try to work on.

The first being that I'm going to try actually posting more often again. When my first blog got banned I was really frustrated (especially because I had only reblogged other people's stuff, never posted my own that could have triggered a ban). It was a pain in the butt (and not the fun kind) to find all the old blogs I was following, and I lost all my posts, drafts, messages, and even a side blog. But I'm gonna risk it all again, cause quite frankly it's worth contributing to this community that means a lot to me.

The other part is that I definitely hid behind the idea that I should be totally anonymous on my old blog. I told myself that I didn't want to be a person writing captions that might distract from the actual content I was reblogging. But truth be told, I was also just scared that someone might somehow figure out my real identity and out me. In retrospect it's pretty dumb that I thought things like: "what if someone notices me using the phrase 'truth be told' on my blog, and then sees that I used the same phrase in a personal email?"

That said, I'm not suddenly going to be posting a ton of photos of myself, or revealing too much about my personal life and identity. But I am going to be a little more open about my kinks, try to add some creative content to things I reblog or even make and post some original things. I also know that the world has plenty of kinky Tumblr pages run by straight cis males (I'm sure that contributed to the lack of messages I got as well). But I think I proved with my last blog that I'm capable of posting stuff that will appeal to lots of people and that I do my best to be kind and respectful in the process.

Something I've learned is that some subs, especially those with anxiety or other mental health issues, can be way harder on themselves than you can ever be.

Let's say they make a dumb mistake while out running errands. Maybe they broke a rule, or maybe they just did something that they know you won't be happy about. They text you about it, clearly stressed and panicking, and you tell them to just come home and we'll figure it out. The dom(me) part of your brain might be thinking "this will be so fun! The second the door closes I'm pulling them by the ear and putting them in the corner!" I highly suggest that you resist that temptation, no matter how exciting it sounds.

Your sub isn't in a mental state for a punishment in that moment. They're experiencing true anxiety, and not in a fun "butterflies in my tummy" kind of way. They might be thinking about how they're a terrible person or how they don't deserve your love. And if you spank them right now you're sending the signal that in order to "earn" your love back, they need to accept a spanking right now, regardless of their mental state. Personally, unless this is something you've talked about a lot and both enthusiastically agreed to, I think that's a really bad idea.

When your sub is beating themselves up harder than your paddle ever could, it's your job to be the safe place for them. First deal with the panic and negative feelings. Give them a hug, talk to them about their feelings, and don't even bring up the idea of punishment. Of course if they mention punishments, assure them that it's the furthest thing from your mind right now. There's no point in making them feel worse while they're in this state. A spanking can always happen later (or even on another day) once you've talked it through, calmed down, and agreed that it's the right course of action. I promise you that those swats will still hurt just as much and will be an excellent lesson. But you won't be mixing it with more complicated emotions or risking them having a full panic attack.

The one instance in which I might say it's ok to spank them right away is if they're the sort of sub who comes in the door and says "I'm feeling terrible about what I did and I need a spanking to help me let go/cry it out/feel better." You should still be very careful that they're not just saying this to appease you or that they think this will make you less upset about what they did. You need to be absolutely sure that this is something they're asking for because they need it for themselves.

The sight of a girl pulling up her panties.

For me this might be the most difficult aspect of being kinky.

First, there's just the difficulty of talking about these things that we keep so hidden and feel embarrassed about. Simply hearing the word "spanking" in casual conversation can make me shiver. Saying it out loud would make me actually blush. And to make matters worse, some of us are turned on by the embarrassment. So even though your brain hates it, your body reacts to it with excitement.

Then there's the fact that you can't discuss most of these topics with anyone. If you need to talk to someone a problem in your vanilla sex life, you can probably go to a close friend you trust. But most people don't have anyone in their life they can turn to and say "lately I've been thinking a lot about how I want to put someone in a diaper and locking plastic pants." It's not a coincidence that one of the most common asks I see on Tumblr and Reddit is "how do I tell my partner?"

Even in the safety of kinky communities there is such a wide variety of attitudes within a kink: adult babies vs diaper lovers vs diaper punishment, wetting vs messing, medical vs printed, pull-ups vs diapers, wearing in public. It can be hard to even find your people, let alone find a person within that group who you relate to and trust. And if you get lucky and do find someone, you still have to tread the fine line between "talking through something with a person who understands you" and "actually we're flirting and this has basically turned into sexting." And both of you have to be on the same page about what you want that conversation to be.

And there's the issue of privacy. If you're a baseball fan visiting every major league stadium, you can post a picture with your face and use your real name and no trouble will ever come of it. Being kinky, some of us are risking losing our jobs, or family finding out, so we have to stay anonymous. But anonymity comes at a price. Try having a Fetlife profile with no picture of your face and you'll quickly discover that most people completely ignore you. Even going to a munch can feel terrifying. "What if a run into a friend as I'm entering the restaurant? They'll ask what I'm doing here, and I can't tell them I'm here for a munch!"

And finally, censorship makes all of this even harder. If someone wants to read this post, they have to make an account, and then go manually turn on the ability to read posts with content labels. And by posting this I risk my account being banned suddenly and without explanation. Facebook and Instagram also want to keep people like us away, because it doesn't look good to have someone getting their mouth soaped next to an ad for fast food. I'm increasingly convinced that if search engines were created today, there would be no option to disable "safe search."

My old blog topnbottom.tumblr.com got terminated again.