DRAIN YOU DEAD!

as many of you might already know, things about me have been circling and spreading around the community. i won’t go into details because there’s definitely no need for that since it’s all already outside the closet, but there’s just one thing i want to say, especially on lieu of some heavy self-evaluation moments i took before deciding to return in this blog and write this public apology:

i am sorry. deeply and wholeheartedly. i am sorry for all the hurt i have caused to people without noticing, because blinded by my own judgement and selfishness i am sorry for the uncomfortable-ness i have brought on @iyred ( which i can’t tag ) and all the other people i have had the chance to interact with in any of my past muses, and all the shitty things i have done, from the forced shipping ( which was really unintentional, but still i own up to that and apologize ) to the code lifting, to the heavily controversial topics and taboos i wanted to explore through my writing and that ended up making some uncomfortable, to the way i ended up sounding manipulative towards others when speaking or proposing plots and ideas. i am sorry for all the hurtful things i have said and all the times i thought i was understanding the education i was receiving from my former friends and rp partners, but i clearly wasn’t and only ended up being terribly offensive when i didn’t want to. i am sorry for everything. every single thing, from head to toe. i do know it was terribly wrong of me to do every single one of such things, and i am here to say that i am owning up to it. i am sorry for doing such terrible things, i am sorry for even thinking such things.

i have already left the roleplay community and quit the hobby of roleplaying months ago, but i am here to reinforce this statement. i am gone and i will stay gone. i will be keeping some of these blogs here for archive purposes ( i admit i cannot bring myself to delete all the stuff i’ve written in these, and of some i lost the mail/pswd ), but with no themes and askbox/submitbox/ims shut down, while others might even be deleted completely. i will never ever set a foot in this site from now on. i will be continue to put all my focus on my own real life objectives, while also atoning every single one of my mistakes, educating myself even better in order to become an actual better person and taking care of my mental health that has been relapsing into depression in the last few months, and whose recovery is what i seek for more than anything. 

my only wish is, after this post, to remain alone with my mistakes, and atone to every single one of them. don’t look for me, don’t talk about me. erase me from your roleplay life, pretend i never existed. it’s really the only thing i have the guts to ask, my last wish.

once again, i am sorry. 

He never asked about the blood, he never asked about anything of the activities ( which were extremely illegal and it didn’t take a degree in law to understand that ) some of his friends were deeply drowning into --his senses screaming already at so many deaths happening just so close from where he was standing, and that was enough of an explanation; that much was enough to allow no words to leave both of them, letting the air becoming heavy under a scent not fazing him in the slightest. 

Silence, sometimes, spoke more than a few words or questions following one another and often ending up with no reply at all.

@numberxix // deep ass starters

« What holds me back is the fact I can kill. » The voice, raspy and a whisper, didn’t falter at all when pronouncing such a heavy set of words, his eyes looking at the girl without letting any spark of worry and fear change the dullness of his irises. But memories were more subtle and loved to churn and twist his stomach, an attempt at depriving him of air he needed to survive. He had done so much, so much in order to be able to live among people who were similar and yet different from him ( and ready to hunt him down if his true identity was discovered, just like they’d hunt a wolf for just existing ) –in order to be able to live a normal life as well. 

Electricity was all over the air, pinching his cheeks and skin through the fabric --almost unpleasant to him, a sensation to be adored for the other instead, which caused Jiseok to roll his eyes in annoyance before the sound of a raging thunder would cover his ears and almost deafen him.

It was something they’d not talk about that often. Mainly because it was Jiseok himself who would shying away from the argument with an excuse or another -but this time, he guessed he couldn’t beat around the bush any longer. Sure, Kronos was declared somehow unable to interfere with any of the Tartarus-bound children, but still there was that trauma imprnted into them that was just so hard to move on from. 

starters: 5 drafts: 4 askbox: 3

                            “ so , just to clarify , you AREN’T going to do it ?     “