half of me is a hopeless romantic and the other half is just hopeless

I got a virus from that screenshot of Limewire

sex ed in the south is so concerning lmfao. my bible teacher taught it and he told us women cant actually orgasm. his evidence was that he’d been with his wife for 30 years and I quote “if the female orgasm was real i would have seen it by now.” miss banks if you’re out there i am so sorry ma’am

An appropriate response

REMEMBER TO DRINK WATER!

Yes!

what if texas just like……. kept going

i have a deep respect for scotland because i was at an ireland vs scotland football match and their chant was “we hate england more than you”

one time at a germany vs scotland game some german fans started the “stand up if you hate england” chant and the whole stadium stood up

WHAT DID WE DO?!

“The English have a reputation for invading lots of different countries and then being really annoyed when those people follow them home” - Tommy Tiernan

Customers who get angry when I read them their total cost are so compelling to me. Take charge of your narrative, Janice. Be the hero of your own story. You are the one who is purchasing $113.67 worth of adult zen coloring books, Janice. It’s not me you hate, Janice. It’s not me.

Life is too short to pretend you’re not into some kinky shit

The absolute fucking madlad