Untitled

Ilya: (drops typical Slavic horror stand-up lore)

Hollanders: (horrified)

Ilya: What?

Yuna: Are you... Are you alright, honey?

Ilya: Yeah?!

Saw someone romanticize u of tears and my first thought was whats next bars on the window waterloo??? but the thought after was wait omg shane with canadian culture so here it is and its mostly ontario centric so do with that information

Ilya loves sour cream tim bits. Hayden thinks he's crazy for liking them. (Jackie likes the birthday cake ones and Hayden likes old fashioned, obviously)

Montreal WAGS wear simons Toronto WAGS wear Aritzia and they have beef with each other over it. Montreal WAGS think Aritzia is overpriced and boring Toronto WAGS think Montreal WAGS are pretentious and old fashioned for wearing simons

Jackie raises money and hosts an Orange Shirt Day yearly charity event

Jackie isnt Quebecois i wanna headcanon she grew up in a vacation town like Muskoka or Blue Mountain but she was french emersion

Because of that Hayden takes her to casual luxury restaurants for date night like Moxie, Jack Astor or Milestones cause he knows his wife thinks they're perfect for special occasions (it's kinda like Cheesecake Factory but less themed)

Shane only eats out with them at Swiss Charlet because he's into that nasty chicken and it fits his weird diet. ofc he gets the salad not fries

llya’s guilty pleasure is Boston Pizza but not for the reasons you think he LOVES the wings. When Shane has modeling shoots my man would walk himself down and order 2 plates then eat them mournfully and after he would go home to drink his acceptable vodka.

Shane can fight but after Rideau street's Mcdonalds racoon incident (which he was a part of you cannot fight me on this) he stopped

He was put into taekwondo by Yuna and thanks to that, the fact he was in public and not Catholic, and the fact he's half white he wasn't called much slurs in elementary/high school

Shane's banned from the new Rideau street Mcd (for his actions during the racoon incident)

Shane was also raised by the immigrant mindset of being white as possible to raise the percentages of living till 20 and that's why he isn't tapped into his Japanese heritage. I wrote a paper on this effect and got an A

Ilya hates the PATH and the montreal version. Shane is weirdly good at navigating both

The Bears are supportive ofc, even though it’s sad to their beloved captain going away. But Ilya is also being intolerably in love with this mysterious partner of his by gushing and talking about his Jane in front of anyone who dares to listen all the time, it’s downright annoying. So it makes Ilya’s leaving easier for the boys.

Cut to a few weeks later, one of the bears sees a pic of Shane online and notices he’s wearing a pair of sunglasses that looks a lot like the one Ilya bought for his Jane(which he spent hours choosing from a sea of glasses that looks exactly the same and makes it everyone’s problem).

Then a few more weeks later, Bear is playing the Metro and another teammate of Ilya notices the watch Shane wears on the postgame interview looks exactly like the one Ilya bought for Jane.

And they keeps noticing, cuff links, a tie Ilya jokes that he’d let Jane tie him up with, even the goddamn phone case! Every time Ilya buys something for Jane, it ends up on Shane.

And what’s the only logical conclusion the Boston boys can draw from this? Jane is cheating on their captain with Shane fucking Hollander!!!!

The nerve! Ofc, the Bears are furious. Their captain is willing to throw away his career for love and this girl is cheating with Ilya’s biggest rival???

Marly thinks they should just tell Ilya and break everything off. Connor wants to teach Hollander a lesson by doing something borderline illegal. St Vicky suggests they should just set Roz up with someone else, someone better. Hammy wants revenge, and revenge spells a three steps plan:

1. find the girl,

2. steal the girl’s pet if she has one, if not they will find something precious to use as leverage to get the girl to come clean

3. Steal Hollander’s precious someone for payback. (They’ve heard rumors that there’s a lily, but they don’t know where to find her, and the second option is obviously hollander’s mom)

Feeling ambitious, the bears decides to do all of these things everyone has suggested.

Ofc chaos ensues. Yuna keeps getting flowers from the bears confessing their love. At one point Shane goes missing for two days and it’s on the news. And Ilya is in deep panic mode because first it feels like his teammates know about his relationship, soon it feels like a hate crime, then everyone is madly in love with his future mother in law so maybe this is a love crime? Marly keeps having this constipation face around him and telling him weird shit like “you can’t trust them” , “next one is always better”, “you’re a great guy, Roz. You know? Hot, rich, funny, and a fucking beast.” And keeps hugging him.

Ilya thinks maybe Marly is in love with him and the rest of his team kidnapped his boyfriend to eliminate the competition.

Saw someone romanticize u of tears and my first thought was whats next bars on the window waterloo??? but the thought after was wait omg shane with canadian culture so here it is and its mostly ontario centric so do with that information

Ilya loves sour cream tim bits. Hayden thinks he's crazy for liking them. (Jackie likes the birthday cake ones and Hayden likes old fashioned, obviously)

Montreal WAGS wear simons Toronto WAGS wear Aritzia and they have beef with each other over it. Montreal WAGS think Aritzia is overpriced and boring Toronto WAGS think Montreal WAGS are pretentious and old fashioned for wearing simons

Jackie raises money and hosts an Orange Shirt Day yearly charity event

Jackie isnt Quebecois i wanna headcanon she grew up in a vacation town like Muskoka or Blue Mountain but she was french emersion

Because of that Hayden takes her to casual luxury restaurants for date night like Moxie, Jack Astor or Milestones cause he knows his wife thinks they're perfect for special occasions (it's kinda like Cheesecake Factory but less themed)

Shane only eats out with them at Swiss Charlet because he's into that nasty chicken and it fits his weird diet. ofc he gets the salad not fries

llya’s guilty pleasure is Boston Pizza but not for the reasons you think he LOVES the wings. When Shane has modeling shoots my man would walk himself down and order 2 plates then eat them mournfully and after he would go home to drink his acceptable vodka.

Shane can fight but after Rideau street's Mcdonalds racoon incident (which he was a part of you cannot fight me on this) he stopped

He was put into taekwondo by Yuna and thanks to that, the fact he was in public and not Catholic, and the fact he's half white he wasn't called much slurs in elementary/high school

Shane's banned from the new Rideau street Mcd (for his actions during the racoon incident)

Shane was also raised by the immigrant mindset of being white as possible to raise the percentages of living till 20 and that's why he isn't tapped into his Japanese heritage. I wrote a paper on this effect and got an A

Ilya hates the PATH and the montreal version. Shane is weirdly good at navigating both