Seems Legit

“What if raccoons figured out the secret to starting fires?” is the scariest hypothetical question my dad has ever posed

that’s the distinction between goblins and raccoons

if I was rich i would absolutely go all out weird. commission books handwritten in a made up language. erect strange black spires in the wood. buy a boat, make it look like a perfect copy of one that was used in an 18th century antarctic expedition, and then let it drift to shore miles away. i want every interaction with me to leave people with a sense of impending cosmic horror.

me, painstakingly arranging a fake alien-like skeleton sitting at a desk in the hidden room behind my bookcase: this is going to be so cool when they find this in 50 years

I was a professional juggler for like five years and all of my friends politely pretend it never happened.

Sometimes I will be holding three or more similarly sized objects and they will all shoot me the kind of warning glances typically reserved for cats who are about to swipe a fresh and crispy fish stick from a small child’s hand.

I gaze wistfully at a basket of apples and they all think, “Don’t you FUCKING dare,” so hard that I take psychic damage.

trying to convince my roommate not to eat tinfoil

Is the cats name tinfoil?

This is how you introduce a fuckin villain in dnd

wallace and gromit american dub

yo gromit this bread slaps

I am average american man I work fifteen hours in hamburger mine to buy one rock and roll disk

this is a kgb spy being questioned by the police in 1985

I do not think you know what that word means, friend. I am a feminist because I stand up for women. Not chickens.

You stand up for human women, I’ll keep standing for all women

ok uh… how is a chicken a woman?

due to personal reasons i will be letting moss grow on me

due to circumstances that i will not elaborate on i shall be getting lost in the moss

for purposes that don’t concern you i intend to decompose