Episode XVI: At a Confessional

we transmitted the entirety of allrecipes.com into the brain of a dog and now he's an okay chef. like the food is passable

like i guess i should've tempered my expectations a bit because 1. he's a dog and 2. allrecipes has some truly vile recipes on it but like. all of it. the whole website. idk i just expected more

Well, are you?. We’re waiting.

There’s a lot to be umami about these days.

Well, are you?. We’re waiting.

There’s a lot to be umami about these days.

i bought the new Lego Tower of Babel set but the instructions stop making sense about halfway through the little booklet thingy.

its so scary making plans with new friends. what if i suggest something stupid and we have a terrible time and they find out im a fraud and not a real human being

FedEx: shits on my box, stomps on my box, kicks it, dumps gasoline on it, throws one of my chickens into the back of the van UPS: whispers at my front door “is anyone home” as quietly as possible before leaving a “we missed you!” note, tries to gaslight me into thinking my address doesn’t exist USPS: sets my package down gently where it’s not visible from the road, knocks on the door and kisses me directly on the mouth

Is this…shipping discourse?

puts my uncomfortably wet hand on your shoulder. see here, gay boy- can i call you gay boy?