twelve

1. The constant feeling of not knowing who "you" are, and the fear of never getting to know who that is

2. The anxiety surrounding losing yourself to another part, switching hosts, etc

3. The guilt wearing down on you because you thought you could handle what happened to you, but you actually couldn't

4. The distress of rapid switching in public

5. Forgetting where you are, forgetting who you live with, forgetting what your masked identity is, forgetting in general

6. Losing friends due to other parts and their actions

7. Constantly having to explain to others that you are not going to hurt them

8. Constantly having to explain to parts that you are not actively being abused

9. Having to face your family after you tell them, if you ever do

10. Never being able to talk about your abuse because it's not "believable" or otherwise unconventional/inconvenient for your audience

11. Dealing with a disorder that is still widely debated in the field of psychology despite mounds of evidence of its existence

12. Spending years just trying to convince a therapist/mental health worker that something is wrong before even being considered for a diagnosis or testing

13. Listening to parts who are suffering internally, and having no way to block their pain out

14. The fear of accidentally recovering memories you are not ready for

15. The terrifying knowledge that a part could end your career, relationships, education, or life and you wouldn't know until it's too late

16. The fear of someone finding out about your system that you don't want to find out

17. The need to control other aspects of your life because you can't control switching (like eating, exercising, etc), so much that it becomes harmful

18. Hating your younger self for not being strong enough

19. Recovering memories that change your view of someone you loved or were close to, and not for the better

20. Having to process that everyone around your younger self could have known about the abuse, and if they knew, they did nothing to stop it