This One Time In A Dungeon...

water walking: the nearest bucket grows legs

summon skeleton: it’s inanimate. just some bones

shock: the spellbook is just full of dirty jokes

detect life: detects bacteria

shadow shape: your shadow takes on an interesting new shape

divine intervention: the nearest bush catches fire

Sometimes you want to start your Campaigns with mid-to-high Characters that have already seen a lot of adventure, this little ‘Previous Adventures’ Table tries to help flesh out and detail what a Character may have done as they ascended in Character Level…

I chased an injured Lich across the Astral Sea into the mouth of an Astral Dreadnought.

I killed a deadly Were-Creature by feeding it bones inlaid with silver.

I won a game of chance against a powerful Genie, and earned a Wish as my winnings.

I single-handedly dismantled a growing Cult that conspired against a beloved figure.

I convinced a powerful Archmage to tutor me for several months, free of charge.

I found and captured a Doppleganger after realising they were terrible at accents.

I killed a Dragon while riding on its back. You can still see the site where it crashed with me still on it!

I solved a Sphinx’s riddle on my first attempt!

I duelled until dawn against a Vampire.

I ventured into a series of tunnels dug by Purple Worms in search of the famed Grand Cult of Lolth.

I won a footrace down the Infinite Staircase.

I performed a great sleight of hand act for a Beholder, who believed me to be the Continent’s most powerful Mage.

I tricked a Hag into a pact that benefited only me.

I defeated a pack of rabid Sahuagin that lived inside the decaying body of an animated Dragon Turtle Corpse.

I stole a great treasure from the jungle temple of a Yuan-Ti tribe.

I persuaded an Angel to let me ride on their chariot pulled by several Unicorns.

I defeated a Troll after its rear-end regenerated where its head should have been.

I once convinced an Ogre to change its loincloth. Once.

I once beat a Hill Giant in an Eating Contest, due to the fact they fell asleep.

Concept: Visually impaired spells. 

For example, colorblind mages cast fireballs with colors only they can see – if they see only yellow and white, then everybody else sees yellow and white fireballs too.

You're a new human parent to a half-elf infant and your baby smiles at you for the first time with a full set of sharp teeth, since elves are born with them. Later, they lose not one but two sets of baby teeth (what the hell??? neither race's children do that!). You're an elf who sees a long-eared person like you from behind and go to greet them, only for them to turn around and hit you with a gaze of those creepy black pupils, as opposed to the solid eye colors of full-blooded elves. You're a small human child and you're just playing with your half-elf neighbor like normal, until they scurry up a tree and you notice their abnormally long and clawed toes--they're descended from arboreal wood elves. You're the half-elf and you're always too aware of how much you move your ears around to express your emotions, because humans get distracted by the motion but elves have trouble reading your intentions if you don't.

Dwarf, sweating: Uuuhhhh… Feliciadam Smithlee?

Dwarf, now acquainted with the idea of respectability politics: That’s offensive.

Human: lol if I didn’t know better I’d think you were raised by dwarves

Dwarf: *just knocks him out cold*

Human: GIRL WHY DID YOU DO THAT

We have a player who is really new to the game, and his character ended up putting on a cursed ring that he couldn’t take off. So he goes to the party cleric for help. Since the ring has made the player act often times like a jerk, the cleric decided to have a little fun with him.

He pulled the following items out of his healer’s kit.

1. A pair of pliers

2. A small wooden stick.

3. Alcohol

4. Bandages

5. A candle

6. A blindfold

And lastly 7. A very sharp knife.

Very slowly and deliberately he went through the process of heating the knife using the candle, then he had his brother hold the new player’s character down firmly, placed the block of wood in his mouth, blindfolded him and gripped his finger with the pliers. Then he proceeded to slowly bring the knife edge down to where it just barely brushed the skin above the ring, very clearly about to cut the finger off... and cast remove curse, as simple as that and slipped the ring off the finger.

Those of us who have played with the cleric’s player for a while knew exactly what was coming and found it hard to keep from ruining the punchline by laughing as he set it up.

Things that fall on you when you walk under them

Things that infect you with spores

Things that impersonate furniture and/or architecture

Things that used to be wizards until they sought forbidden knowledge and were cursed for their hubris

Things with several helpfully colour-coded variants

Things that shoot stuff out of their mouths

Things that swallow you whole and have specific rules for fighting them from inside their stomach

Things that resemble sea creatures but fly through the air

Things that absorb you and then your eyes and mouth appear on the monster and you become part of its evil hive mind

Things that are the opposite of other things

Things with a big gross eyeball that projects a directional antimagic field