Sleepy and full of Salt

like there are chronic illnesses whose symptoms rarely or never cause pain, but manifest as fatigue or seizures or drops in blood sugar or risks of deadly complications. there are chronically ill people whose pain is well managed by medication. people whose illnesses don't hurt but require weekly blood tests and daily medication. people whose illnesses aren't painful but who live in hospitals. people whose illnesses are asymptomatic even if pain is a normal presentation. people who experience pain-free days or months or even lives who still have to deal with their illness every single day like you do.

Even if we take it slow

Even if we only do low-impact activities

Even if we're mindful of our bodies and super duper extra careful

We'll still be recovering for a while.

I told the people at orthopedic urgent care that I can't do physical therapy because my condition doesn't allow for exercise. They gave me a list of things I could do at home. They were exercises. I was frustrated at first, but it made me realize how able bodied people can't conceptualize "no exercise" at all.

Multiple times I told them they probably had covid and needed to see a doctor and they got defensive like "why do you want me to have covid so bad?!" Like what are you on about it's also about your health and wanting you to no longer have it if you do? For several weeks it was a back and forth where they were disgustingly ill and refused to get it checked out. Insisted on NyQuil and essential oils. I told them it's people like them out there killing people like me. And they have an immunocompromised boss and coworker? Their coworker was told by her doctor that she won't likely survive getting vaccinated with how severe her lupus is and it's a fucking miracle their stupidity didn't kill her

Told them they'll end up worse the longer they take to get treated with antivirals. Then when they didn't get better and then I got sick and they were just "wah I'm scared what do I do?" And I again was like "go to the fucking doctor???" And finally their stubborn ass did

I was pissed because I did everything right, I masked and cleaned fucking doorknobs and shit before I used them half the time but all it takes is using the same light switch or breathing the same air. Even worse was that they got another family member sick so staying well was that much harder for me. And the worst part was the audacity they had to blame the one family member that didn't get sick because they take public transit. But unlike them they don't go to gatherings and always wear a mask (2 or even 3 actually) and keeping me and others around them alive is one of the reasons why. The sick family member's explanation was that it was spread to me not by them being sick but via touch or clothing when the family member they scapegoated came home which is highly unlikely with the fact that they masked at all times, wash their hands, distanced a lot and even still mask in the house. I've never met someone more careful about it