bucky barnes was a crazy thing to inflict upon a generation of suicidal 14 year old girls

oh my god. most of life really is about the little things. a good haircut, a nice playlist, trying a new recipe that turns out well, a poem that hits home, a comfortable spot in the sun, spontaneous messages, a pen you enjoy writing with, tea with the right temperature to drink, buying that thing you’ve been eyeing for a while, a warm bed. yeah im so grateful for the small joys

don't get me wrong i love the fact that shane and ilya retcon their relationship to be love at first sight. like good for them!! but when i look at the source material im like .. you were charmed. you were jealous. he had everything you wanted (supportive family and his country behind him, able to be big and brash and move through life with ease) and you wanted to see if you could make him feel good (can you debauch the golden boy, can you be good for the man who's had everyone) but the love didn't come until you started to take apart the things that attracted you to this person in the first place. shane fell in love with the ilya who checked in on him and with the sweetness behind the barbs and with the ilya who couldn't stop kissing him in that stairwell. and ilya fell in love with the shane who thinks buffalo is stupid and can barely get his shoes off before he throws himself at ilya and can't tell his parents he's gay because he's suffocating behind his own image not because he thinks they don't love him but because he wants to honor everything they've done for him. and so it's really nice that ilya goes "i loved you from the first time i saw you" but i, omniscient reader, call bullshit. i think you love that boy now because no version of you could ever not love any version of him. but at the time i think you were mostly just curious and then the love grew despite all odds in the most hostile of circumstances because everything you learned about each other made you want more and more and more. and also probably that's even MORE beautiful. so.

i knowwwwww in my heart ilya would love taking shanes last name and after they have kids referring to their family unit as hollanders. ilya turning around to the backseat like okey hollanders here is plan. we are going to be in and out of costco in thirty minutes. you may choose ONE item each. if we get separated we meet at optometrist. we will get ice creams on way out as long as everyone is cool and nobody tells dad. hollanders on three.