It is unethical to be a standup comedian

never shouldve smoked that shit, now i’m on the july 17th 1995 cover of newsweek

Happy 30th birthday bisexuality

"like a boss" by lonely island was released ten thousand years ago when mammoths still roamed the big wide world. feel old yet?

a thing about me is i basically never notice a wig or other kind of hairpiece in tv/movies. it has to be party city territory for me to even twig it. people will complain about characters' wigs looking bad and i will nod along but there is like a 90% chance i did not notice for a second while watching. i consider this mostly a blessing.

free use? *smirks snartly* so naive. you know nothing in this damned society is really free...

oh shit it’s darkiplier!!!! save me secretary of defense james mattis!