TeamSlytherin

Date of Origin: circa May 9, 2015

FedEx: shits on my box, stomps on my box, kicks it, dumps gasoline on it, throws one of my chickens into the back of the van UPS: whispers at my front door “is anyone home” as quietly as possible before leaving a “we missed you!” note, tries to gaslight me into thinking my address doesn’t exist USPS: sets my package down gently where it’s not visible from the road, knocks on the door and kisses me directly on the mouth

Is this…shipping discourse?

apparently robert pattinson’s trainors have been practically begging him to work out during quarantine and he has decided not to

The teenager at my job is so funny, she jokingly asked how my break was after I came back from the bathroom and after I said "can't a bitch change their pad in peace?" She said "a real nine to fiver would get a hysterectomy." There was no hesitation, no gap between what I said and what she said

[ID: A meme with Bob from The Incredibles. The first image is labeled "Discovering a new species as a:" The first half is labeled "biologist" and shows Bob smiling confidently in full color. The second half is labeled "scuba diver" and is in black and white, putting Bob's now haunted face heavily in shadow. Below that is a stretched and corrupted version of the scared-looking Bob labeled "astronaut." The second image is a shadowed version of the corrupted Bob, shadowing his eyes completely, labeled "surgeon." End ID]

hozier’s music is literally blues-inspired. have you heard the crunchy as hell bass on be? hes never actually been cottagecore bogman he’s just, like, a guy who makes good music