The Yearning Pirate 🏴‍☠️

Here to beg you to share this message in a bottle, and help it make its way around the seas! 🌊🌊🌊

I've always been by myself and enjoyed the freedom that comes with it 

I've also not craved a relationship ever, except for the few times I've been enamoured with someone enough - but even then, if feels more like an inconvenience than a need ("I enjoy your company so much I'm willing to put up with the fear of losing what I perceive as my independence, directly tied to my perceived safety" - is that healthy?)

I don't often feel horny, or have sexual thoughts about people I know or strangers (I've never seen someone on the street and thought "I wish we could have sex!"), or even erotic dreams really - at least not in the traditional sense. 

I had a dream where my beloved died, and that freaked me out. I had one dream about us having maybe some sort of sexual experience, and that freaked me out more, and it felt foreign and weird. I have a lot of dreams about them going to prison or turning into zombies or running away or something, and that I can at least deal with. I've had a lot of dreams where our legs touched or our arms, and we just kinda existed together 

I've not really craved or felt the need for sex with anyone - though I've been curious about sex and kissing and how it would feel to sex and kiss people I'm into. If I would like it, if I would hate it or I'd just be kinda neutral to it. Masturbating is pleasurable, though I mostly do it out of boredom; it would be interesting to try sexual act out, and see if they differ. I also think kink is curious and looks fun, looks like something I would theoretically enjoy if I had the chance to explore it with the right person. Out of curiosity more than out of need, like trying a food because I want to experience it rather than because I'm hungry 

I would be curious to see how it is to be held and kissed in bed, and to cuddle and fall asleep wrapped around eachother. I've never had it, I've never missed it, I don't know if I'd like it or not. Once again, I wish I could try it with someone I'm into, in a safe space with zero expectations that I might or might be into it. Theirs head resting gently on my lap, my hand in their hair, caressing them

I've also never had someone look into my eyes and tell me I'm handsome or beautiful, or look into my soul and tell me they love me - I'm not sure If I would cringe at it and run away, or find out that I was missing it all along. Or if I'd appreciate for what it is and go on with my life.

@gods please take RSD back I don't want it

[ID: A simply drawn comic featuring two characters, a green one on the left and a maroon one on the right. Both hold their phone. The top of the panel says "the joys of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria" in a fancy font.

At the top of the panel, the green one shows a text bubble saying "Wanna hang out tomorrow? 🌱". They look embarrassed but hopeful.

Below, the maroon character has a text bubble replying "sorry, I'm busy, maybe another time? (:". The character has a neutral expression.

The queer experience ✨🏳️‍🌈 (and don't get me started on figuring out my gender, that would take at least the same amount of space and time [I *will* make a comic about that as well, very soon! c:])

[ID: A comic about sexuality. It starts with the bisexual flag that says "as a teen, I realized I was interested in both boys and girls and I thought that meant I was bisexual".

Then, it goes to the pan flag and says "I later noticed that gender didn't matter to me at all - just the individual people I liked; pansexual?".

Then there is a lesbian flat with text "at times I also thought I could not possibly like the opposite gender; was I a lesbian trying to fit in?".

Then there is a straight black and white striped flat that says "at other times I thought I was straight, just pretending to be queer to show off".

Then there is an asexual flag with writing "growing older, I noticed I rarely even have sexual attraction to other people* does that make me ace?" and a small demisexual flag saying "*unless it's good friends I have a deep connection with - demisexual?".

Then there is an aromantic flat that says "I also don't crave romantic relationships like others do*, would that make me aro?" with a smaller demiromantic flag that reads "*unless they are very untraditional and with friends I already have a deep connection with - demiromantic?"

Love to me

feels like

acid reflux.

A spiky

shameful

sickly

ball of bile

I'm

afraid

to let

out.

I've

learned

to keep

it hidden inside.

It burns sometimes.