Luckily, I'm a Botanist

this makes more sense if you assume both are the same body of water but the time between the statements is about 50 million years

you’re right, that’s significantly less weird

*Toto Voice* My bonnie lies over Africa

Also current Jeff Goldblum is hotter than 80s Jeff Goldblum. No point in time traveling to fuck him at his prime; he’s already here in the present.

I don’t remember posting this, but I stand by it.

drink some water you beautiful and capable but dehydrated bitch

showing up late to a meeting with an iced drink is a power move. like with hot drinks the cup is opaque and people cant tell the temperature so they dont know how long ago you got it. maybe its hours old. maybe you just got caught in traffic. who can say. but iced drinks. its clear. they can see the ice. they can see if its still frozen. they look you in the eye and they know you were standing in line fifteen minutes ago and made the conscious, deliberate decision to get a mocha frap instead of being on time. and then you made ANOTHER conscious, deliberate decision to bring it into the meeting with you, informing everyone in attendance that on your list of priorities, each and every one of them ranks firmly below one (1) mocha frappuchino.

This is the greatest post I have ever laid eyes upon.

HONESTLY.