.. val

potentially triggering content. few trigger warnings. tread with caution.

this account is just for my silly little ramblings and/or vents. let me know if you need anything tagged and i’ll try my best.

19. agenderflux. it/ve/odd/irk/he. minors dni. rb for a follow.

my purpose will no longer be to be abused.

my purpose is to teach others to learn.

i do not exist to be punished

i exist to learn and to help others do the same.

if nothing else comes of my life, death, and beyond,

let it be a lesson.

to someone. anyone.

one person who will take that lesson to their grave

and not but whisper it to another soul

would be enough.

i am determined to raise questions.

questions that one thinks of every now and then

that one wouldn't dare ask.

not here. not now.

but death raises more questions than life.

saw so much death

grew up in rented suites in rich neighborhoods

went to private school, but only because it was subsidized and they were the only ones who would take us

my extended family are well off and haven't faced financial difficulties in years

but my immediate family was drowning in debt, and there were questions about whether we would make rent at least 10 months of the year.

while the body's egg donor bought $300 dinners for just herself

and didn't pay for any groceries.

and now i'm out in the 'real world'

struggling to pay for necessities to make rent

i live in the place i do because of the good graces of the very few kind rich people there are.

and somehow

it's all the same.

i'm not being abused daily anymore, but that's about the only difference.

i can't help but feel like this will be the rest of my life

people tell me it won't

but people are wrong

a lot.

their reassurances and comforts mean nothing to me

because they have been so wrong before

they will be wrong again.

maybe not about this