The Strongest Stars Have Hearts Of Kyber

I feel like I see it more on facebook these days, but it is on every social media website that you're getting posts meant to inspire outrage thrown into your feed or dash or whatever. And so many people really are addicted to scrolling and looking at videos and posts that inspire outrage in them and getting more dopamine from expressing their outrage in the comments.

And the outrage takes up time and mental/emotional energy that you could be using in other ways, perhaps more impactful ways.

Don't think this isn't part of the reason "the algorithm" steers you toward stuff that is maddening. While you're sitting there being maddened, you're not resisting and you're not helping.

For example, say you have a work colleague, and you want them to check in with a supplier and make some alterations to an order with a supplier. The reason it's more polite to say "Hey, could you give x supplier a call and get back to me after you've spoken with the supplier?" instead of ordering them "Call the supplier and get back to me after you've called them" is because by asking instead of ordering you are acknowledging your colleague's autonomy and free will, that they are your colleague and not your servant to order around.

Some people might argue "but if someone asks me 'Hey, can you ____?' technically they are just telling me to do something but with useless hollow formality!" which simply isn't true. If someone asks "Hey, can you ___?" you technically have the right to say no, even if it's your job that you are getting paid for, even if there are consequences to you saying no (such as being reprimanded at work or even losing your job), you still technically have the right to say no, and it's only polite and considerate to acknowledge that by asking instead of giving orders.

Of course, things are different in highly urgent situations where someone's life/health/safety are on the line. This is why you probably won't find firefighters or paramedics going "hey, sorry to be a bother but could you hand me that defibrillator?" to their colleagues.

old people are not useless, they’re not a drain on the economy, and theyre not all bigoted windbags. theyre people! people! who have lived their entire fucking lives under capitalism. they deserve to retire peacefully and pursue their interests during the final years of their lives. they deserve to be taken care of. they deserve to go with dignity. 

That text post that's been making the rounds that goes something like "Omg you made it to the same red light as everyone else but faster and more dangerously and recklessly, should we call nascar? Do you want a medal?" summarizes exactly what I'm trying to talk about.

It's like when I have to change buses at one of the bigger and busier bus stops, and the people who get off the same bus as me shove and elbow past me to get off before me, and then shove and elbow past anyone even slightly in their way on the way to the bus they're switching, only to end up on the same bus as all the people they shoved and elbowed with several minutes to spare before it leaves and plenty of open seats left.

I think this unnecessary urgency a lot of people feel in their day to day lives drives a lot of bad behavior. I'm not saying I'm innocent of this, I've felt it too in plenty of situations that didn't call for it, and regrettably was less kind than I should have been as a result. But I try to be aware of it, and always try to ask myself it it's really as urgent as my lizard brain is trying to tell me it is, and even if it was that urgent, does that still justify unkind behavior?

Is shoving or elbowing another person aside going to make the difference between whether or not you make it to the bus before it pulls away? (hint: at least where I live, most of the time that's a no because the drivers usually won't leave if they see people from another bus heading towards their bus). Is shoving and elbowing people aside in a crowded grocery store going to make any noticeable difference in how quickly you get your shopping done?

That fully rewired my brain.

"Actually women should be putting the seat back up when they're done peeing as a courtesy so that I don't have to touch it and put the seat up before I pee"

If you are an angry and aggressive person, you might make other people nervous or scared even, but ultimately people will not genuinely respect you or take you seriously, or see you as a strong or authoritative figure.

Leaders and authority figures who are able to conjure genuine respect from other people (and wield that respect as a form of social power) are rarely overtly angry and aggressive people.

They are calm because they are secure in their power and strength as an individual. Anger is an expression of feeling threatened. Anger evolved with the purpose of protecting us when we are threatened or in danger.

Oh good points all around, and thank you for clarifying that. As someone with a trauma background as well, it took me almost a decade of therapy to stop feeling ashamed or like I was a bad person for ever feeling angry, and to accept that my anger exists to protect me, and specifically as a nudge (or a shove) to assert my boundaries when I need to.

It depends on how it's used and what you do with it. There are definitely people who will lash out when it's not called for or appropriate, and the people who do this would probably benefit from therapy.

I do know several people who I am convinced perpetually act angry and always find something to be angry about because they think it makes them look stronger, tougher, or smarter even to other people. It's hard to explain why I get this feeling. Maybe it's because I can't talk to them about anything without them turning the conversation into an angry rant (which is exhausting as is) but they always have their angry rants with a tone of smug triumph and superiority, and usually end the story with victory over whoever they were ranting about. ("someone made a dumb comment on Facebook, and then I TOTALLY told that person off and put them in their place because I'm not afraid to be an asshole!").