The Reasons I'm Me

im a simple woman i see chris fleming i lose my entire mind

look, my goals, as a lesbian, are to look like chris flemming one day.  i feel like despite being a straight man, all lesbians can look at chris and be like…… yeah, that’s a fucking look.  if he put on a pair of Birkenstocks he’s be a dead ringer for some lesbian named patty who was probably a girl scout as a kid, probably played badminton at some point to impress a girl.  smokes a lot of weed, lives by the beach, has an interest in antiques

They have nine beverages between the two of them

What they have are five beverages and four waters. Water, by definition, cannot be a beverage.

The fuck do you mean water cant be a beverage?

This cat doesn’t look real

This cat should be the main actress of Cats.

Nights with you, mornings with you, everything with you.