Sometimes Breaking The Chain Is The Only Way

"save to onedrive" lol no

"search web results with bing?" oh you wretched little tarpit i cannot overexpress how much that will not be happening

"make microsoft edge your default browser" buddy you're hitting so far out of your league it's insulting. did your drunken comrades cheer you on to walk over here and pester me? to bother me like a horsefly attempting to perturb the majesty of an elephant? i swat you with a flick of my tail. with a FLICK!!!

Microsoft is the drunken asshole who won't take a hint. Apple is the insanely controlling, love-bombing Ex you went through a grueling divorce to extricate yourself from (and they won all your mutual friends in the breakup). And now Google is the toxic partner you thought was The One, but then they enthusiastically got redpilled and have been escalating their manipulative behaviors. You finally break through the gaslighting enough to try to leave, only to find they're so entangled in your life you may need to take out a restraining order just to catch your breath. And meanwhile all your friends and family are talking about how great they are and how lucky you are to have them...

World's first teenage boy to describe a vintage teacup and saucer as "totally epic"