The Princientist

Sometimes it's doing the same boring thing 1000x. In the beginning and when you're setting goals and creating new habits, you can feel the growth in real time. New ways of thinking and feeling unlock easily.

After a while it almost feels stagnant, but that's growth too. At that moment it's about maintenance.

It becomes about not falling into old patterns and responding differently to triggers. No new and exciting realizations.

Once you have a big problem, assume it will happen again in your lifetime.

Debt, miscommunication, grief, depression, anxiety, unemployment, illness, breakup ....

Life is unpredictable and for a myriad of reasons you will face the same issues over and over again.

Be it financial, relationship or work related you should consider a solution that will work for a lifetime and not only for now.

Think of life in the long term by recognizing your own patterns.

If you keep over explaining it's a communication issue with you. If you don't have time, it's a prioritisation issue and management issue with you. If you are underpaid it's your skill issue. If you keep having the same fight with multiple partners it's an behavioral issue with you. If you never have money it's a money management issue with you.

Taking accountability for an issue, even if you feel that you did not cause it, is recognizing that there is a pattern happening and somehow that is related to you.

If you do your part to solve the problem and make sure that there is a plan in place for when it happens again you will be less likely to suffer bad and long consequences. Especially if it is a financial blow.

For habit changes making micro and macro goals works. 90 days plans work. But as soon as you hit that one year mark look back.

What worked? What didn't? Did you pivot or quit? Did you have to stop for any reason and could you have handled it differently? If the issue dragged for a long time could you have benefited from expert and paid help?

1. Calm yourself.

Breathe in 3-5 times. When you breathe in your belly/diafragm expands. It works.

2. Realize your power.

Say: Only I can make decisions for me and know what I need the most.

3. Get in touch with myself.

a) Bring yourself back to the present moment - 3 things you are grateful for today.

b) What are your top goals for this year.

c) Does this decision aligns with what you're about to do?

d) What are the real consequences of not making this decision. The consequences for you, others involved, your finances.

4. Introspect.

Ask yourself: “Why am I making this decision outside of my journey? External factors like opinions? Internal factors like compensating for low self esteem? Emotional factors like getting over a breakup. It can be deep rooted sense of inadequacy. Or even patterns of self-sabotage you dont recognize yet.” List them all.

5. Find alternative options.

If it is outside of your journey, not your problem and does not bring you any benefit. Don't do it. You are already not sure so this is self preservation.

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You can't run from your own patterns that keep bringing you down. You can't run from bad habits and vices.

You can't run from trauma and memories.

Just because you leave a certain space does not mean you're not carrying all your baggage with you.

When people don't understand you, it feels as if you're suffocating very slowly and it's exhausting as well because you keep having to explain yourself. It is a very exhaustive task to translate your soul. 😔

Hearing, listening and understanding are fundamental to happy, healthy relationships.

The biggest disservice my parents did to me in my teens was to make me feel not listened to. I felt like I didn't count, so I didn't even bother to explain anymore. And that created even more misunderstandings because they didn't knew where I was coming from. It affected my social life as well. I wasn't making sure I was being listened to anymore. I felt like I didn't matter because even in my own home my opinion didn't count.

My advice is this:

Talk, and make sure people not only listen but understand you. Take up space and be brave in whatever you have to say. Be calm as you speak, don't cry or scream.

And be more interested in other people too. Don't just stand there and wait to be asked questions, show interest in others, start a conversation, be nice about it.

Do this not only with friends but family as well. Build a friendship at home. You'll find that they were listening all along but they didnt know how to communicate with you.