#personal developmet

Once you have a big problem, assume it will happen again in your lifetime.

Debt, miscommunication, grief, depression, anxiety, unemployment, illness, breakup ....

Life is unpredictable and for a myriad of reasons you will face the same issues over and over again.

Be it financial, relationship or work related you should consider a solution that will work for a lifetime and not only for now.

Think of life in the long term by recognizing your own patterns.

If you keep over explaining it's a communication issue with you. If you don't have time, it's a prioritisation issue and management issue with you. If you are underpaid it's your skill issue. If you keep having the same fight with multiple partners it's an behavioral issue with you. If you never have money it's a money management issue with you.

Taking accountability for an issue, even if you feel that you did not cause it, is recognizing that there is a pattern happening and somehow that is related to you.

If you do your part to solve the problem and make sure that there is a plan in place for when it happens again you will be less likely to suffer bad and long consequences. Especially if it is a financial blow.

For habit changes making micro and macro goals works. 90 days plans work. But as soon as you hit that one year mark look back.

What worked? What didn't? Did you pivot or quit? Did you have to stop for any reason and could you have handled it differently? If the issue dragged for a long time could you have benefited from expert and paid help?

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When people don't understand you, it feels as if you're suffocating very slowly and it's exhausting as well because you keep having to explain yourself. It is a very exhaustive task to translate your soul. 😔

Hearing, listening and understanding are fundamental to happy, healthy relationships.

The biggest disservice my parents did to me in my teens was to make me feel not listened to. I felt like I didn't count, so I didn't even bother to explain anymore. And that created even more misunderstandings because they didn't knew where I was coming from. It affected my social life as well. I wasn't making sure I was being listened to anymore. I felt like I didn't matter because even in my own home my opinion didn't count.

My advice is this:

Talk, and make sure people not only listen but understand you. Take up space and be brave in whatever you have to say. Be calm as you speak, don't cry or scream.

And be more interested in other people too. Don't just stand there and wait to be asked questions, show interest in others, start a conversation, be nice about it.

Do this not only with friends but family as well. Build a friendship at home. You'll find that they were listening all along but they didnt know how to communicate with you.

If you are trying to impress someone from your past or prove to them that they missed out stop.

You don't have to prove you are lovable, worthy.

Being the quiet woman in the room has taught me many lessons, but the main one is about power.

Power does not have to strong and loud, it can be silent and soft, and to be felt only when needed.

The power that silence carries lies mainly in the fact that if you don't say anything people don't know how to treat you. And the power plays begin.

It usually starts with a joke to see if you're the type of person that laughs, or gossip and complaining to try and find something in common.

If you don't respond to that, people will ask you for things just to see if you'll do it. And say outrageous things to see how you'll react. My advice? Stay neutral.

When none of that works that is where you've won the power play. Now no one knows how to act around you. They will always be careful and surprised.

What you say becomes more meaningful because you rarely talk so it must be important. Your laughter means that something was really fun. Your full attention towards a topic makes people feel important.

But the first obstacle to get here is to not give in to the urge to fit in. Instead of talking observe more and see what type of people you're dealing with when they think you're quiet and not a threat.

Some will mistreat you. Others will make sure you feel comfortable. And most will ignore you.

But make no mistake everyone is looking at you do. Even if it seems like they don't, I can tell you from experience my coworkers remember what I was wearing a week ago.

If you pair being quiet with competency and looking good the perception of you becomes very powerful. Even inviting to people who want to know more about you.

Use this perception in your favour.