Love Me, Love My Boyfriends

I wear a ring on my hand every day. It shows that I’m attached to you.  It shows that I am a part of you. It shows that I am in love with you. It shows that I give myself gladly to you. It shows that I am important to you. It shows that I am beyond happy with you. 

But it doesn’t show that there are two of you.

The three of us are connected, an endless swirling spiral that merges and melds like the sands of the ocean. We are not made of the same rock. We are fragments of other things, of other people, of other experiences. But we are together, as family, and we make up the shore.

Most others are pairs. They circle each other like a proton to an electron, pushing and pulling as exact opposites. But as three, we are more intimately together. I am the piece that pulls us all together, fitting in a slot between you and you. I am a linchpin, connecting the pieces that already fit together, but now are as one. I am the glue, the thread, the wiring. 

I am what I am, your wife, your partner, your second lover, though law says I can not - and can never be. 

I know you’ll probably have siblings; brothers and sisters to play with and watch out for and drive you crazy - but you two daddy and papa and I have been dreaming about for longer than we can say. I know for a fact that I’ve been so desperate to have my children since I was 13. Daddy’s probably been dreaming about you for just as long, and Papa has always said that he loves kids. 

In this letter to you, I’ll be talking about some of the problems you’ll probably have to face - and overcome. 

First and foremost? You probably don’t know any other kids who have a mommy and two daddies that aren’t due to their mommy and daddy being divorced or separate. Most kids here in Indiana don’t even know what that is. What it means for Mommy is that you have a mommy who loves you more than anything, who can teach you skills that will help you take care of yourself when you’re older like how to patch a shirt, hem pants, cook for yourself, take care of a pet, and not be afraid of bugs and animals! With Daddy it means that you have a daddy who loves you more than anything, will teach you to be accepting and kind and compassionate, even if you don’t understand something about them - and not to mention, he’ll help me teach you to read and write! And with Papa? Papa is so happy to have you kids! He’ll run around and play with you and keep you safe and warm at night, he’ll blow raspberries on your tummies and I’m willing to bet that we’ve got an extra big bathtub that he’ll get in with you and play with bubbles and boats and duckies and barbies <3 

But what it means to people who aren’t us is that you’re different; that your PARENTS are ESPECIALLY different. We aren’t like them, so while I’m sure most people are friendly and helpful and try their best to be friendly and not ask uncomfortable questions, there are going to be people in our lives that don’t like us just because we’ve got three parents instead of two - and they are going to try and pass along their nastiness to their children. There are kids who are going to be mean to you for no reason other than their parents don’t like us. They’ll probably call you names, say bad things and lies about mommy, daddy, and papa, maybe even try to hurt you somehow. 

But even though they’ll be mean to you because you have three parents? It just means that there are THREE people to hold you and snuggle you and kiss you and wipe off your tears. THREE people to eat a cookie or a little ice cream with you while we watch your favorite show snuggled under a big soft blanket. THREE people to squeeze you tight and reassure you that you are loved possibly more than any other children the universe. 

Another thing is that you might be uncomfortable with the fact that you’re adopted. But listen very carefully: We chose you. More than a DECADE before you were born, Mommy and Daddy and Papa CHOSE you. That makes you more special than you could ever guess. It doesn’t matter who you came from; it matters where you are, and where you are is in a loving home that will never let anything happen to you. You are Annalise and Lilly Josephine, and you are my daughters no matter what anyone might say. You are Dandelion and Alice and Lucky and Simmons and Jayne Tad Coopers’ humans, too! They love you bunches too, and so do all the animal friends we have in the future <3

There’s also the fact that even outside of being polyamorists, Mommy, Daddy, and Papa are part of a community that might give us more grief than there being three of us. I’m talking about the LGBT+ community. 

Papa is Bisexual, which as he likes to say means that he would date and/or be in a relationship with a person whose gender identity is his own, or other. He is a Cisgender man, which means that he is does not experience dysphoria like Daddy and me, and does not want to transition. 

Daddy is Biromantic Demi-Sexual, which means that he would date and fall in love with people whose gender identity is either his own, or other, AND he does not want to be in a physically relationship (which you will be talked to about when you are a little older <:) ) unless he has fallen in love with the person first. He is a Transgender man, which means that he experiences strong dysphoria, and wants to - and probably has gotten closer to doing so by the time you read this - transition.

As for me, Mommy is a Pan/Biromantic Asexual, which means that I can date and fall in love with anyone, their gender and/or gender identity doesn’t matter to me, and when other people look at another person and thinks that the person is very attractive and would like to go out with them, I don’t get that feeling. Don’t get me wrong; Daddy is handsome and Papa is cute. I just don’t imagine myself touching or kissing anyone that I don’t love or even know. Mommy is a little more complicated than Daddy and Papa when it comes to gender identity though; While I usually present myself to be a cisgendered - or ‘cis’ - woman, that is not quite true. I have mild to moderate dysphoria - but what makes me different from Daddy is that I don’t want to transition. I am a very feminine person, and I like being a woman. Currently I don’t know if the dysphoria is actual dysphoria or if it’s dysmorphia due to not finishing puberty and having the body of a 13yr old girl, but hopefully by then I will have taken growth hormones for a while and will have an age appropriate body. For these reasons and a few others, I consider myself to be something called ‘non-binary’, which basically means that I’m not truly a woman OR a man. But to just about everyone else, I call myself cis-gendered because I don’t want to deal with the backlash from calling myself that.

You’ll have to deal with a lot of possible problems, I know. I’m sorry we’re laying this all on your shoulders. But you’re tough kids, and not only are you courageous you’re very brave! You’ll do just fine, and even if anything happens, you’ve got me, Daddy, and Papa to help <3