The Parent Guide

Gross, D. (2014, January 9). Teaching Children Confidence Through Goal Setting. Retrieved November 20, 2014, from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-gail-gross/teaching-children-confide_b_4565356.html

Haskings-Winner, J. (2011). Social science: An Introduction. Toronto, ON: McGraw-Hill Ryerson.

Merit, J. C. (Producer), & Swerhone, S. (Director). Surviving :) the teenage brain [Motion picture]. (2012). Canada: CBC Learning.

Millward, K. (Oct 2014) "LANGUAGE ACQUISITION" Bayview Secondary School.

Haskings-Winner, J. (2011). Social science: An Introduction. Toronto, ON: McGraw-Hill Ryerson.

Lamb, M. (2006, August 1). 20 Tips for Parents from Preschool Teachers. Retrieved November 18, 2014, from http://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/advice/20-tips-for-parents-from-preschool-teachers/

Leal, F. (2012, August 15). Back to school: 5 tips for elementary parents. Retrieved November 18, 2014, from http://www.ocregister.com/articles/parents-368636-school-children.html

Haskings-Winner, J. (2011). Social science: An Introduction. Toronto, ON: McGraw-Hill Ryerson.

For many teens, participating in clubs and extra-curricular activities are a hassle, and they prefer being in the comfort of their own home over staying late at school. For others, it is an action that they very much enjoy. Regardless, participation in these activities is beneficial towards defining their current identity, and who they want to become in the future. Many teenagers are concerned over how they are perceived, and they can become quite confused over their role in their community when they cannot form a clear identity for themselves (Haskings-Winner, 2011). Be supportive of their interests, as long as they are appropriate, as they help shape your teen’s perception of who they are. Many discover their future career path by joining a club that they find passion in. For example, someone who joined Debate Club with a curiosity as to what debate is, could end up pursuing a job pertaining to public speaking after they have had great involvement with the club. Joining clubs that suit your teen's interests opens them up to opportunities to take upon risks that relate to their interests (ex. joining a Poetry club and performing a poem in front of others). Teenagers have an active dopamine system, which is a system of risk, reward, and motivation. They actively pursue actions that help release dopamine, which is the chemical released when experiencing pleasure of thrill (Merit and Swerhone, 2012). So, joining these clubs leads them to opportunities of appropriate risks that your teen will be motivated to take.

Although your child might not have significant amounts of homework at this stage in life, it is beneficial to encourage them to have good study habits at home. Remind them that learning is not constrained to a classroom, and that it extends much further than that(Leal, 2012).  Encourage them to clear out any distractions while they are working, and remind them to keep a clean and tidy workspace. Not only will this keep your child organized, but it also increases your child’s probability of having positive learning experiences. If your child is focused and responsible with their schoolwork, it allows them to be more productive. As a result, this decreases the possibility of your child having unsuccessful learning experiences, which could result in feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem (Haskings-Winner, 2011). Keep in mind that this does not mean that your child must exceed at every subject at school in order to be confident, but it simply means that having good work habits can improve their learning experience by keeping them organized and more on-task. 

At this age, children are eager to learn and take on responsibility. It is during this stage that they begin to learn how to take initiative and be in charge of small tasks. By providing your child with chores, they develop a stronger sense of responsibility, which causes their ability to take initiative to improve as well (Haskings-Winner, 2011). If they are not introduced to responsibility at this age, they could become anxious about initiating tasks in the future, which then leads to guilt about not taking upon said tasks. However, it is important to remember to provide your child with a manageable chore that can make a visible difference in the household (ex. emptying the clothes dryer) and not chores created simply to keep the child occupied (Lamb, 2006). Assigning chores is beneficial towards your child, as many of them still have an egocentric mindset at this so-called "Pre-Operational" stage of development (Haskings-Winner, 2011). It is likely that they have difficulty to differentiate between self and others, so by providing your child with opportunities to help you around the house, they begin to learn that they must start caring for others as well. 

One of the most important things to provide to your preschool child is language acquisition. It’s essential in the sense that in addition to developing regularly, they will be prepared for when they do eventually start school. It can often seem difficult for toddlers, who might not be able to talk, or perhaps just babble a few words at a time, to pick up the ability to speak language. Of course, the process of teaching your child to speak wouldn’t happen overnight. Rather, it’s a process that can take weeks or months, and most likely, never finishes, as your son or daughter can never learn enough words. However, speeding up this process can be achieved through several simple tips. Firstly, make sure your child has regular exposure to the language you want them to learn. Not only will this help them gain familiarity with English, but under some theories, such as Noam Chomsky’s language acquisition, can actually help their innate ability to unlock language and grammar skills (Milward, Oct 2014). Additionally, using operant conditioning, such as that which B.F Skinner suggested, on your child during the process of learning can also provide mass benefits (Milward, Oct 2014). The use of rewards and punishments when teaching children can incentivise them to start associating words with objects, and encourage them to start the process of speaking. For example, if your child tries to say the word milk, giving him or her milk would help connect the word to the concept through the use of reward (Milward, Oct 2014). If you follow these pieces of advice, your child will be grasping the fundamentals of language in no time. 

As your child begins school, it becomes your obligation as a good and successful parent to equip them with the skills needed to prosper in the academic environment. An important part of that is to ensure that they have the drive to succeed in school and work, through the use of motivation. Most of the time, children who are not often the best or most effective students possess extrinsic motivation, which is the desire to complete tasks and be productive because of external factors, such as detention or good grades (Haskings-Winner, 2011). However, extrinsic motivation does not provide a good drive to do things and be productive, because not only is the child unwilling to do the task out of their own free will and desires, but once that threat or reward is gone, the desire to perform is gone. The better way to succeed is through intrinsic motivation, which stems from a personal satisfaction or desire to do well (Haskings-Winner, 2011). This sort of drive is often much more powerful and effective, which can ultimately result in more inspired and productive work. The way that you, as a parent, can foster that attitude is by helping your child set goals once they start school and providing them the means to value and set goals by themselves (Gross, 2014). By allowing them to experience the personal need for satisfaction or success, it becomes far easier for them to be excited about school as opposed to showing up to mitigate a call home. Work with your child to set short term goals for the school year, whether it may be to get an A on the next math test, or the finish the homework before bedtime and let those become the stepping stones for long term goals that your child can ultimately hope to achieve. Only when your child is truly passionate can he or she have meaningful experiences in school. 

Teenagers are one of earth’s most complex creatures and as such, it is important to recognize that parenting them cannot be taught through a guide and is often incredibly arbitrary, now that they’re developing their own ideas and values separate from you. What is however, almost universal among teenagers, is the presence of secondary agents of socialisation (Milward, Oct 24 2014). When they were growing up, you were their primary agents, and no doubt taught them the fundamentals of social behaviour, whether that was learning right from wrong or acceptable gender roles (Milward, Oct 24 2014). Now however, with the increasing amount of time your independent adolescents are spending away from you, family probably isn’t the biggest influence on their lives. Being exposed to peers and education daily, there’s no doubt your child is developing their own thoughts and opinions. They could be contemplating the cultural norms that became far more propagated through the rise of the culture of connectivity and technology, or they could be questioning the values you taught them. As being a teenager is often a volatile and susceptible stage for any individual, you as a parent should be offering guidance and support, as well as help them establish their own autonomy through thoughts and beliefs. It’s incredibly important to realize that this doesn’t always entail simply forcing your beliefs onto your child, as that can often antagonize them. However, what you should be doing is having discussions with them regularly and hearing about the ways they’ve been shaped by their peers, education and media. Guide them to their own independent identity, as often, as teenagers, are ruled by their emotion and prefrontal cortexs, making them not always rational (Milward, Oct 15 2014). By mediating harmful social views you can guide your child to help themselves. 

Parents, this one may be tough, but it’s very important to give your teenager space, and resist any attempts to maintain total control of their lives. Yes, you want them to stay safe, and make good choices, but being too protective may actually result in having consequences. The teenage brain is one that continues to develop, and the focus consists of two main parts: the limbic system, which controls emotions and the prefrontal cortex, which controls logic. Although the limbic system is fine tuned, the prefrontal cortex still needs further development in comparison, and this is why teenagers often make decisions relying heavily on their emotions. It is important for you to understand this, so you know that teenagers cannot control what is biologically happening in their bodies. Furthermore, teenager’s dopamine levels are extremely high, which is why they are sensitive to additions. One of the most prominent results of all this nature is that teenagers tend to take the highest amount of risks. This is a time where there are no set limits or boundaries, and they collect data about how their risks lead to consequences and rewards (Suzuki, 2012). Although you should ensure their safety, do not stop them from taking a few risks here and there. Let them learn on their own, so when they are older they will be able to make appropriate decisions by themselves!

This age group is a critical time for educational progress. Your children is now in the pre-operational and concrete operational stage in Jean Piaget’s stages of cognitive development. This psychologist is highly influential in education, especially with teaching strategies. So the pre-operational stage (2-6 years) is when kids develop language, their use of symbols, memory, and imagination. They exhibit non-logical thinking and portray egocentricity. Try to help you child with their learning because you can never learn enough, and this will help them get an early start. Use tactics like visual aids, easy step by step instructions, and use real life experiences when teaching. The next stage (7-11 years) is when the logic starts to develop, and they become less egocentric. They have the ability to link concrete objects to symbols and are able to use them. (Haskings-Winner, 2011). To help ensure educational progress, make them read in brief periods of times. It’s also a good idea to incorporate concrete examples in abstract concepts to help the transition. So you might be saying to yourself, isn’t the teacher supposed to do this? Yes, they are, but you shouldn’t fully rely on others when it comes to your child’s education because the school might not be sufficient. You have to be involved and present in your child’s educational journey, and you don’t have to force anything; they don’t necessarily have to be ahead of the pack, you just want to make sure you’re doing what you can to push them a little. As we all know, a little push can go a long way.

Kids at this age are extremely sensitive; It’s important to be careful what you do because it can make a lasting impact- be nurturing and present! One of the most important notes is about the effects of infant and caregiver separation. According to Mary Ainsworth, a renowned sociologist, there are three types of attachments. There is secure attachment, which is when the caregiver is emotionally available and consistent when responding to the child’s needs; In her conducted experiment, the infant was happy when the caregiver was there, and upset when the caregiver left. Another one is avoidant attachment, where caregivers are rejecting, resulting in infants who were upset when the caregiver left, but did not care when he/ she came back. Lastly, there is resistant attachment where infants stayed indifferent towards whether or not the caregiver was present or not, which occurs when caregivers are inconsistent with their behavior. By looking at this research, it is a valid recommendation to be nurturing and loving with your child, and stay consistent in your behavior (Haskings-Winner, 2011). This advice also relates to Erik Erickson’s stages of psychosocial development describe what occurs when age related problems are resolved or left unresolved. His first stage is trust vs. mistrust (birth-1 year old), and when needs are met trust is developed and they are able to depend on others, but if they are not met, there is extreme frustration. Another stage is autonomy vs. shame and doubt (2-3 years old), and there is either support that creates autonomy, or there is a loss of trust leading to doubts about independence. Again, this further proves the need to stay and nurture your child, to be supportive and kind, which will lead to comfort, independence, and trust (Haskings-Winner, 2011).