deteriiouiating

you’ll be fine. you made it out of impossible situations before and you will do it again

ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? YOU WILL DO IT AGAIN.

i think taylor swift wishes she was bisexual because she knows it would make her slightly more money. whereas sabrina carpenter wishes she was bisexual so she could have sex with someone who looks exactly like herself. and ariana grande wishes she was bisexual because she did too many designer drugs on the set of wicked and now she has kin memories of being glinda for real

The haters are trying to put a cup over me

The haters are trying to put a cup over me and take me outside

real yearners miss people BEFORE they're gone

whichever ad exec at Geico came up with the phrasing "up to 15% or more" needs some kind of award for concocting one of the most meaningless strings of words in the English language. all it guarantees is that the number is either lower or higher than 15%, inclusive. up to 15%... or more. a bladeless knife with no handle.

There’s a restaurant near here called “Just Tacos… and More” and I go insane every time I drive by and no one understands.

where the hell are my pneumatic tubes this is not the future jules verne promised

i do not want 'email' i want little brass capsules that go "shwump"

To anyone who thinks this would be innefficient: I cannot tell you how much more I would get done if i got to put my finished documents in a shwump pill and feed it to The Tube instead of attaching it to an email.

I hope this pneumatic tube capsule finds you well.

"I'm in my late 20s and I'm scared I've already peaked" just don't peak then, idiot. what do you mean like you're going to just stop trying to think harder and build taller and learn more and get luckier and read deeper and dress better and fuck weirder and run faster and draw crazier and smoke danker and dance bigger and steal better and stun everyone with your cunty charm and zeal because, what, you think those are the rules? get real. get up. you have another 50 years and you're not going to use them??? give them to me.

i'm sort of between graves right now

got one foot in the grave but it could go anywhere. any grave. could be yours. if you want it.