Oxytocin Deficiency?

That moment you realize Facebook wanted to remind you how F*cked you are.

I’m 22 and feel like I’m 64.

Well oddly enough, I dropped 3 Lbs in a matter of days. Since I've taken oxytocin, one week of every month I seem to lose an oddly unprecedented amount of weight-independent of diet and exercise activity. I'm not going to fight it, either. I like where this is going.

Now that I’ve just finished watching Escort, I’m somewhat eager to pop online and pluck out someone to “experiment” with. But I still feel so gross, I still have an awful menopausal figure as a product of all my sickness, despite being so young…

I'm so overwhelmed by the thought that I'll be confronted by hostile dialogue from people who think I choose to suffer and hurt. I cried and drove my feet into the ground like someone in a movie would, left work early to see if I could get an X-ray at urgent care who closed early, and then confided in my mother how miserable I felt. Much good that did 👌🏻 Days like these really null any effect of oxytocin down.

(General health related) Work was pretty miserable. My people relations still need a lot of work. I am generally nice, but I get incredibly (yet hopefully not noticeably) irritated when people expect the things you know you can't do. And when you do it anyway, they get even more upset when it's not exactly what and how they want something. So I've learned to be hasty with my dialogue. I was in so much pain, it was pitiful how I took every chance at sitting down (I.e. Bringing clothes into a fitting room to be folded). My ankles can't stand much more. The side of my face hurt so badly I thought about piercing it with a receipt stapler. I'm not sure why, it just hurt that bad. But that is my b*tching for today. Being sick and having to pull your own weight like this day after day for years (both past and to come) is an awful thing to think about. It makes me angry. Even more so that I'm putting much more work into myself than doctors would ever want to.

12/2/16 Well, today marks two full weeks on Oxytocin. *It feels so different. * Yesterday was my 21st birthday, and like most naive people, I had ceremoniously bought a bottle of cheap hard liquor at an attempt to drink myself into oblivion while face timing my friend. But here is the odd thing: I used to love getting drunk, and what had hit me hard was that It did no more than make me disoriented. I also used to smoke often months ago before I cut myself off, but since I had started replacement, I opted to smoke once more during this past two weeks and found it to do the same thing. There was very minimal to no pleasure in any of it. I had read somewhere at some point that oxytocin was used to curb addiction, however at the time I initially stumbled upon this information, I had dismissed it in the way you learn to take every little study ever done with a grain of salt in regards to how it may help you. It's a rare thing to have your body behave exactly the way you want it to, (even with medical intervention) because of the fickle complicated mess each and every one of our bodies is, but wow. I never thought a nasal spray and negate addictive behavior/feelings so intensely and effectively. Biological chemistry is such an amazing thing. In a way I'm excited to be sick enough to be able to mess with it. Outside of my joints hurting and swelling, this has been a really great few weeks.