I’m 22 and feel like I’m 64.

12/2/16 Well, today marks two full weeks on Oxytocin. *It feels so different. * Yesterday was my 21st birthday, and like most naive people, I had ceremoniously bought a bottle of cheap hard liquor at an attempt to drink myself into oblivion while face timing my friend. But here is the odd thing: I used to love getting drunk, and what had hit me hard was that It did no more than make me disoriented. I also used to smoke often months ago before I cut myself off, but since I had started replacement, I opted to smoke once more during this past two weeks and found it to do the same thing. There was very minimal to no pleasure in any of it. I had read somewhere at some point that oxytocin was used to curb addiction, however at the time I initially stumbled upon this information, I had dismissed it in the way you learn to take every little study ever done with a grain of salt in regards to how it may help you. It's a rare thing to have your body behave exactly the way you want it to, (even with medical intervention) because of the fickle complicated mess each and every one of our bodies is, but wow. I never thought a nasal spray and negate addictive behavior/feelings so intensely and effectively. Biological chemistry is such an amazing thing. In a way I'm excited to be sick enough to be able to mess with it. Outside of my joints hurting and swelling, this has been a really great few weeks.

It's been hard to find dialogue regarding treatment of Oxytocin Deficiencies due to its experimental status and overall rarity. I wanted to create a space to share my narrative regarding my experiences in hopes it may help others out there. Cheers! 11/19 Yesterday I had taken my first dose. It felt, for its initial 20 min, disappointingly minimal. However, after an hour, my whole body began to feel as if I had taken some sort of illicit drug, it felt so good that I initially began to get worried that I may have taken too much. Maybe it was my body's way of telling me I did something right? I can't quite put adequate wording to it, but I often have "static" that runs in my thoughts, and it had been lifted away for the entirety of the evening. Pain was minimal, almost nonexistent. However, now on my second day, it's effects are already waning in comparison to my first night, but there is still quite a bit of contrast in how I felt prior to any treatment at all. I felt like taking people's sweaters and drinking Autumn like drinks in bed. It was such a nice feeling and it's already starting to fade, and some of my pain is returning. I just really hope this isn't the beginning to an inescapable descent to where I was before. I fought hard to have my medical addressed so that I can function and be happy, I still am. This was the "cherry on top" treatment I had high hopes for amongst other things. Although I like the idea of not being miserable, I have no idea what my normal is and that alone complicates what I expect from these things.