My Current Obsessions.

(SSE stands for sign supported English because as a hearing person BSL grammar confuses me. I still need the practice) My favourite thing about knowing some sign language – especially having learned all I know alongside the person I have the most contact with, my mum – is that is scenarios that are too loud or where it’s not socially acceptable to shout, we are still fully able to communicate.…

Regular readers of the blog will have come learn that I basically only blog when I think I have something to say, be that utter drivel of waffling nonsense or something I deem important but either way it’s considered before it’s written. In this case I was relaying an interaction with dad to a friend concerning the outcome of the US presidential election. Usually when I have concerns about…

Usually when I look back at how time has passed I remark on how silly it feels that it’s already whatever time or day or month it is but this time it’s different. A number of life altering events have and have been happening in the last 13 months. Now the ’13 months’ is a specific number because that is the last time The government decided that Mum and I by-proxy were worthy of the help we need…

Today I cried over a cardboard cut out, or lack thereof. Let me explain why. When I was in college, being on buses for 3 hours four days a week meant I had to find ways to entertain myself beyond the music playlists on repeat. Alongside the number of people I met and became “friends” with along that regular bus route were some staples to look for. Now, I’ve most likely mentioned the chicken on…

Sometimes a few things are hard and sometimes everything is so hard to do you don’t even want to get out of bed. Since January was like an entire year on its own and a heap of pretty crappy things happened, I’ve been finding any kind of distraction from my own thoughts as possible. I’ve also recently started taking anti depressants after speaking with a really great doctor about how much…

Going into the the new year always seems to bring up some kind of self reflection, wanted or otherwise and 2024 is no exception. I’ve had thoughts of traumas on my mind a lot lately and how they seep into everything. Every small nook and cranny of your sense of self and in some way contaminate your view of it. I think it’s why it’s hard to see the good in ourselves sometimes. It’s obscured by…

I’ve had in mind for a couple of months now to round out this year with a kind of gathering of events that have happened because goodness has it been a pretty crazy year. It’s almost hard to think of things that happened way back in January and actually I’ve had to do a bit of a check on my socials to see if I posted about anything mad. Yes, that thing actually was this year. The first few…

I read somewhere recently that loving every part of someone is choice. That there are almost always a few things that you might want to change early in relationships. And maybe it’s a thought to be missing traits from a previous relationship. “So and so used to do this thing I wish this new person did that”. Maybe that’s why that thought seems so mad to me. I didn’t choose to love him. That…

This past week has been super busy and fun, I met some people I’ve been waiting to meet for 2 1/2 – 3 years. My people, “my online friends” or at least some of them, gathered from across Europe, engaging in multiple modes of travel and on our last day in each others company are yet to be home after 10 hours travel; to form an epic trip of awkward -I know you but I don’t know you – to full blown…

Spent the first night together at my boyfriends this weekend as someone who can’t even share a bed with the dog because he moves too much and makes noise and it’s annoying. I thought I was going to get fuck all sleep. Thought I’d lie awake trying not to breath too loud or move too much and thinking about trying to relax my body so I can sleep. What happened instead is I crawled into bed with…

My friend Ash reminded me this morning how crazy this year has been and anyone vaguely paying attention knows that I’m one to wax nostalgic and look back on where this year started. While the small everyday things sort of blend into the background, several major events have occurred this year, including but not limited to my best friend becoming a mother. Evie, who is now 7 months old, continues…

I’ve never thought I was pretty. I’ve been trying really hard over the last year to stop hating the parts of my body that I’m supposed to hate because they don’t look like other peoples. I’ve stopped hating my legs or three quarters of them and even getting there with my tummy; parts of which have seen sunshine in my growing crop top collection. And where my face skin has been pretty clear I’m…

Flicking in some winged eyeliner this morning had me waxing nostalgic and I had this strange thought. It’s onto really in the last year so that I’ve stopped having near constant spots. Like my skin – while doing almost nothing differently has seemingly settled into this zone of pretty clear. This does mean that I almost never wear foundation anymore, highlight and blush for colour mascara and…

Any long time readers of the blog – or friends I’ve drafted to listen to my waffling – will know that taking care of my parents the way I have means still living with them at 28. And before it’s never been something that I’ve needed to consider. But. I met someone, for the first time in 10 years, there’s a someone. That thought alone scares me because of what I’m used to, to being alone but this…

My best friend is a wonderful cross between homebody and social butterfly. When in her cozy cocoon she’ll probably not leave the house. She’ll prefer a movie night with snacks – mostly dry roasted peanuts. But when unleashed, usually at music gigs when I’d rather sit down and see nothing – listen and see the lights, she’s a dancer phone out for the memories. But in the process of this she finds…

I wish at this time could say towards good things. Stability and experiences. Excitement? 100% but battles too. To be fought …and won if there’s any amount of luck in my life. I have been a “carer” for 7+ years. Which seems like both a very long time and not so long at all. A lot has changed however. In me, in my family, in the world. Changes that I’ve hated at basically every turn. I had job,…