Shatterthefragments’ The Old Guard . Always Busy 😔

Thank you so much for this lovely ask, Anon. 💗

I really want to do justice to Nicky’s struggles with substance abuse in Extrication, and I hope I do right by you. I know this is a difficult subject for a lot of people, but I hope it speaks to some readers like it spoke to you. This will definitely be something that is explored in a lot more depth later on in the story. People deal with trauma and pain (physical and emotional) in very different ways, and recovery isn’t a straight line.

“I can’t remember loving anyone as hard as Booker and I loved our boy during those years…”

I have been obsessed with the headcanon that Jean-Pierre is Booker’s son with Andy (since he was born after Booker gained his immortality) and the original drawing has been sitting in my WIP folder for almost two years before I decided to redraw it. And I’m so glad I did because I adore how it turned out! Sometimes coming back to a piece really is worth it.

REBLOG IF YOUR ACCOUNT IS A TRANSFEM SAFE SPACE.

Am I the only one hearing it all fade away?

I’ve been haunted by a Sound of Metal AU ever since I found out Matthias was originally attached to the lead before before Riz Ahmed and I desperately needed to get this idea out of my head.

Hello, friend! <3 I desperately want to finish this one, since I started it an embarrassingly long time ago. It is mostly Nicky-centric, takes place in Rome at the beginning of the 16th century, in which Nicky befriends a feisty sparrowhawk that the falconers think is beyond training. Here's the first paragraph:

During a sunny sabbatical, months before Luther would post his theses which would ignite the later entitled Protestant Reformation, Nicolò had by chance acquired an unlikely but unfaltering companion in the form of a choleric winged beast. The fact that he made the acquaintance of the pope at that time was a lesser and entirely incidental affair.

And this, just because:

He was standing amongst a handful of vocalists he had come to know in the past weeks, plucking a single continuous note as he tightened the string and stared in a wide-eyed trance at a nearby spatter of bird feces, wondering how in the hell he managed to find himself in such a situation, when he recognized the soft sound of the pope’s voice as he addressed one of the falconers.

Hi there 🥰 Hanko Spring is about a mental health break that Joe and Nicky take to their flat in Hanko, Finland. Joe has been taking on too much for too long, and Nicky puts his foot down, and whisks him away to take care of him.

Nicky woke as the approximation of Finnish night faded back into dawn. He’d always been a light sleeper, an early riser. Now, he blinked at the hardwood and the pattern on the edge of their rug, trying to forecast the weather without getting out of their warm bed.

Joe’s arm draped over the notch of his waist, his fingers still loosely gripping the pulse in his wrist. The deep pulls of his breath came out in humid puffs against the back of Nicky’s nape. He scooted in closer to that heavy, sleeping weight. The rise and fall of his belly against the dip of his spine, the tickle of his beard— Nicky hummed.

He watched the sun try to shine until the clock ticked from 4:45 to 5:45, and eventually to an acceptable time to get up. Even then, though, he couldn’t bring himself to slip out from under that arm. Joe’s fingers twitched against the delicate skin of his inner wrist, and Nicky managed a half a smile— with as much effort as the attempts of the sun outside.

He hoped Joe would be able to shine a little brighter today, too.

Their first week in Hanko had been good. Well, it had been peaceful. Nicky loved the strong sunshine of home, but there was something about the long hours of mild daylight, the high, bristly canopy of the pine forests making the sunlight into airy, cool shafts of shadow and light. It was a good place to go to feel stable, Nicky thought. The neighborhoods were easy to navigate and the buses were generally on time. Shops opened right when they said they would. The people lived in a delicate balance of blunt sensibility and hospitality that Nicky found so much comfort in. He found a familiar element of surety— the kind he’d based so much of his long life on. It was mirrored in the careful structuring of days in the North. In the cities and towns, the markets, even a simple spread of sandwiches or a home garden— there was abundance and boundary in equal measure.

He knew Joe enjoyed that, took comfort in it, too. There was so much that he carried, so many loud impressions in each day that warred in his head until there were no lines anymore between thoughts, feelings, or actions– until his mind was nothing but splotches of colors, blending into confused shades. Joe made pictures with how he felt, he wrote long lines of poetry and painted bold strokes until they became worlds. It was so endlessly frustrating for him to try to sculpt such weak, muddled clay into structured shape.

There was anger, there was shame, there was collapse, and then… then there was despondence. Arriving in Hanko brought them from collapse to despondence, and Nicky watched as the heaviness in those shoulders dragged further down, even after the tears dried.

At the start of the week, he’d been able to coax Joe from their little flat and down through the park to the sea. The first day, they made it all the way to the market.

Nicky would have to go back alone today. Since that first day, their walks had gotten shorter, and Joe had held his hand with less and less of an intentional squeeze, and more of an act of gravity. It pressed him flush now, with his arm across his waist and his nose in his hair. Nicky wiggled a little, loosened the space between them, and rolled as slowly and carefully as he could to face his Yusuf.

He hummed at the bleary squint looking back at him. That handsome face was still soft and slack, practically one with the fluff of the duvet, and the pads of his fingers trailed across the strip of skin where Nicky’s shirt had ridden up. With a little tender guidance, he moved that arm off of him, resting it on the mattress in the scant space between them.

KAYLA!!!! I'M SO EXCITED 🐐💍🌈 I hope you like it. ❤

Nicolò should be mad, he is certain of that. However, he can't stop the smile his lips are forming when he watches one of the most adorable scenes he has ever seen.

Yusuf is sitting on the grass, talking to a goat and telling the animal that his husband has a similar beard; he's smiling so bright, his eyes are slightly closed because the sun is too strong and the little wrinkles make Nicolò want to kiss all over his face. He wouldn't dare to interrupt such an important conversation though.

They have been staying on a farm for the last three days, waiting for Quynh and Andy to arrive so they can all head somewhere else together (they still don't know where and it's very likely that the place will be chosen after some weird bet).

Nicolò likes how quiet it is there and how happy his Yusuf is; they stay outside during the day, working like true farmers, and when the night comes, they make love with the moon watching their movements through the window of their room.

It's a life Nicoló could get used to. They could stay around a little longer, the two of them, having something more domestic.

— What? — Yusuf asks, watching Nicolò like he's one of his favorite paintings (which will never fail to make Nicolò blush).

— Marry me? — he asks, holding Yusuf's gaze.

Yusuf stands up and walks towards him, passing his arms around Nicolò's neck before giving him a kiss on the mouth.

— In a heartbeat, but we can't, — Yusuf pouts, giving him so many kisses that for a moment Nicolò forgets why they can't.

Love should be enough. Love is enough.

— What if we do our own ceremony? What do we need more than you, me, our love and our sisters to celebrate with us?

Nicolò bents down and picks a single strip of grass, then he picks Yusuf's hand and puts it around his finger making a perfect circle. He smiles, watching Yusuf's amusement with his ring; Yusuf repeats his movements and in less than ten seconds Nicolò has one just like his.

— We have a ceremony to prepare. Andy and Quynh are arriving soon! And I want Fabrizio with us too.

Nicolò raises an eyebrow.

— Who?

— Him! — Yusuf points at the goat.

— Of course you named the goat, — Nicolò chuckles.

— It's our goat, Nico. He chose us as his owners when he showed up here.

Yusuf spends two days and two nights building an arch of wood that him and Nicolò ornament with flowers; they also prepare different foods from their respective birthplaces.

Andy and Quynh are caught by surprise when they arrive, but after a few stories (and lots of hugs) they happily start to help their brothers.

On their wedding day, they walk side by side holding hands until they stop under the arch, Andy and Quynh are watching closely with grins on their faces and Fabrizio is there too. They share beautiful vows, that leaves everyone sobbing, and kisses. The food is spectacular and everything is perfect. They're married.

— My husband, — Nicolò hugs Yusuf from behind, kissing his exposed neck; Yusuf looks at him and smiles. — What if we stay a little longer? You, me and Fabrizio. He'll need us. He chose us, you said yourself. We can't abandon him.

— I believe that's the perfect plan, Mr. Al-Kaysani.

They stay there for eighteen years, until the day Fabrizio dies, while Andy and Quynh explore the rest of the world.

Hi 🥰 Nicky and Booker is a real bummer, about their first mission together— things go wrong, and their roles are forced to reverse a bit, with Nicolo getting really depressed and Booker being forced into more of a caretaking role first the first time since his sons. Realizing that Nicky isn’t the perfectly even keeled immortal that he tries to present himself as to Booker, and that Booker misses taking care of people.

Sebastien dropped another log on the fire— Nicholas would shake his head at him if he could see. He could picture it in his mind’s eye. Nicholas had that way about him. He seemed to be no more than a young man, until he met Sebastien’s eyes. Then it was plain to see— that ageless condescension in his pale gaze, a twist of his lips like he held a secret.

Sebastien swallowed around the flicker of irritation that sparked in him. Nicholas hadn’t seen. It didn’t matter. And even if he had, he doubted his companion would be capable of anything more than the shocked blankness he’d fixed on Sebastien when they arrived, bloodied rosary clacking in his trembling grip.

A sudden crush of guilt clenched around his chest, and he sucked in a breath. He wasn’t being fair. What was the point of getting angry at the thought of a smirk? Trapped in a cabin with no one but each other, what purpose did his annoyance serve?

It serves as a reminder, a voice whispered as he gazed into the blaze of the hearth. You don’t care about these people— they are not your family.

Sebastien hissed out a breath, and shook his head clear.

This wouldn’t help anyone.

Nicholas was struggling.

When he’d taken Sebastien’s sleeve, he’d looked as if he was drawn out on a page, just two dimensions of a man with wide eyes and spatters of red across his ashen skin. He’d never seen him look so lost, so out of control— maybe with his soul bared to Yusuf, or with Andrea's arm slung around him after a hard mission.

But, now it was only Sebastien.

The silence dragged on, broken only by the howl of the wind outside, and the slosh of the water in the basin as Nicholas tried to scrub the blood away. A moat of orange candlelight through the canvas screen illuminated a half of a silhouette, where he could make out a hunched form and wet, snowy hair flopping over his forehead. His long nose dripped water off of its tip, into the basin where his hands disappeared, hidden from the dim light.

The world felt so terribly small.

ANNNNNND PRIMO! Primo FINAL is a 3 +1 fic from Stefano’s perspective, on his first visit home to see the family after moving to the big city. Stefano is 17-18, Primo is 13-14.

Leo sighed, taking his cigarette from between his lips so he could scrub a hand down his sweaty face. “Ay, you’ve missed so much. You… you missed the funeral.”

He shifted in his seat. Mighty God, that fucking funeral. “Auntie wouldn’t go. We’d barely been in the flat a week before we got the news, and she, well. Auntie doesn’t travel so good.” There was a reason he’d been sent to live with her in Rome, it wasn’t out of the kindness of her heart.

Her health was only so so. Stefano was more of a nurse than a nephew some days.

“Was it really such an event?” It wasn’t as if he had disliked his aunt. But, Natalia Nizzuto was… nervous. She medicated her nerves, and… well, she was foreign, she was prone to outbursts, she had a drug habit and none of the good sense to hide it— she wasn’t liked. Even auntie had waved it away as she’s not blood family.

Leo blinked at him. “No, no, not really, but the months since have been, they’ve been worrisome.” He stumbled a little on the words, wincing at his own clumsiness.

There was something dreadful sinking Stefano’s gut, taking another drag. “You mean Primo.”

“I mean Primo and Ludovico.” He countered, “Your family’s making quite the spectacle of themselves— your cousin takes most of it. He’s…” Stefano braced himself, Leo gesturing in an aborted motion like he could drag the right word out of the humid air, “He’s unpredictable, he’s rash. There’s rumors, too.”

“Rumors about what?”

“What d’you mean, rumors about what? Rumors!” Leo sighed, shoulders slumping. “He may have inherited his mother’s madness.”

Stefano didn’t think before he scoffed, waving the butt of his cigarette dismissively through the air. “No, no— he’s odd, yes. You’d be odd, too, if you lived like he did, but he’s not crazy.”

“Perhaps not, but…” the premature wrinkle in Leo’s forehead furrowed deeper “but he’s not well, either. And since the funeral, Ludovico has stopped trying to hide it.”

“It?”

“It.”

Hello, Rae! <3 I titled this file with the first line of the fic because it just doesn't have a title yet ghfdsgf. But it is the sequel for my (1) modern au, 'stuck on you' and starts with a flashback. Have a snippet of baby-trans Nicky's first T shot: **CW for needles/injections!!**

“Don’t kick me if this hurts,” Andy warned when they were both in the bathroom, all supplies laid out on the sink and ready to go.

Nicolò, who was sitting on the edge of the tub, crossed his fingers and promised he wouldn’t. He’d already filled the syringe, switched the needle and swabbed his thigh. The only thing Andy had to do was the actual injection, which… okay, he was a little nervous.

“You ever thought about becoming a nurse?” Andy asked as she watched him flick the syringe. He snorted, though he didn’t hate that idea.

“Okay, kiddo.” Andy hovered the needle over his thigh, and Nicolò resisted the urge to look away. He had to make sure she was putting it in the right place. “I’ll do it on three. Count for me?”

Nicolò gulped. “One…”

Andy poked the needle in, and Nicolò hissed, trying not to move. “Ow!”

“I lied.” Andy smiled deviously, but she had that sappy look in her eyes. Nicolò couldn’t be mad at her. “Okay, for real this time.”

Nicolò had to squeeze his eyes shut for the rest of the injection, but he counted for her. And if a few rapturous tears slipped out when he opened his eyes, Andy would just hug him tight and tell him how proud of him she was.

Also this, just because:

“Jean-Pierre is eight,” Nicky reminded, “and has ADHD.”

“I’ll keep an eye on him. I’m the buff uncle, he’s not gonna mess with me when he sees these.” Nicky turned around in time to see Joe flex his biceps.

Needles to say, Nicky barked a laugh. “What am I then, a noodle?”

whatever you want to tell about it

SO puppy vignettes is the follow up to if ever there were a lucky kind (it's you) wherein Joe calls Nicky "puppy" a bunch to Nicky's general weak-in-the-knees-ness. If you have suggestions as to situations in which Joe could refer to werewolf!Nicky as puppy please tell me, because I need a few more before this is ready to publish.

'That's not a thing.'

'No?' Joe grins and presses Nicky's wrists back against the bed, holding him down flat on his back. 'Not even a little?'

'No,' says Nicky again, but the breathiness of his voice is telling.

'So if I were to do this,' says Joe conversationally, holding Nicky's wrists firmly as he leans down and gently sets his teeth on either side of Nicky's jugular. He holds there for a second, not quite biting down, but pressing enough that Nicky can feel the edges of his teeth; can feel his own muscles strain to pull away and the collected strength of Joe keeping him in place, the heart-pounding intimacy of it. 'That wouldn't do anything for you?' Joe continues when he takes his teeth out of Nicky's throat.

With a snarl, Nicky flips them over on the bed so he can get his nose into the vulnerable hollow of Joe's throat. He'd never bite him, not ever, but the need to taste him there is so great that the wolf acts before Nicky gets a look in.

For his ten year reunion, Joe has returned to Newton in a bid to prove to his ex, Nicky, and to himself, that he's doing just fine with his life thank you very much.

Nicky was the guy who had ended up being both his first love, and his first heartbreak, and as soon as he catches sight of him, Joe is flooded by memories and hurtful feelings - both from a haunted past, and of what could have been. Having booked himself into the only bed & breakfast available in the area for a week, Joe plans to grin and bear the nostalgia of a bittersweet filled past, in order to finally get the answers he deserved years earlier.

Due to a family emergency that changed his life forever, Nicky never left. He never meant to ghost Joe, but he also knew his dreams didn’t include the things Nicky was now responsible for, and the more time that had passed the harder it became to say anything - so he simply stopped all together.

It was the biggest regret of his life, but now he wonders if he can finally say all the things he should have said a decade ago ... which could bring them out of the regretted past, and into a bright future together. But will Joe stay beside him once he learns the truth?

Rated M • 42k • feat. art by @angels-and-aliens (thank you love!!) • thank you @oldguardbigbang for organizing ✨️

Thank you to @oldguardbigbang for organizing and allowing me to work with three wonderful writers, including @sphinx81 whose summary of a historical AU for Booker x Nile made my heart soar and my imagination go wild with the possibilities, way back in spring which feels like a million years ago lol.

It was so fun to exchange some aesthetics and pins and narrow down the looks - I was inspired by the foldable wooden displays of icons and mummy portraits from ancient times - so it's sort of conveying each of them from both the before and after (but I'll let you read the fic so as not to spoil anything), and then the middle being the revealed portion when both "flaps" are opened.

The Old Guard Big Bang 2022 || @oldguardbigbang (click on images for better quality)

Creating Awl Togehter

written by @shatterthefragments

art & fic cover by@blood-suits-and-tears

Creating Awl Together by me with art by @blood-suits-and-tears! For the @oldguardbigbang