do kids these days know about glomping?

What is that?

What the fuck?

The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost; for none now live who remember it.

job interviews: did you mean, advanced lying

small talk: did you mean, normal lying

the concept of the self: did you mean, secret lying

Don’t call me out like this.

a to-do list: did you mean, aspirational lying

WHAT DID I JUST SAY

i give all the guys at my gym secret nicknames; they’ll never know but now you can imagine such iconic characters as: - Fresh Cut Kylo Ren - Captain Misogyny - Super Mario - Shady - Donald Glover - Mister Handsome - Dan Olson’s Dad - the Power Bottom - Designer™ - Discount Thor - Idris Elba - Luigi - the Three Stooges - Jack Fuckstick - Buff Jack Fuckstick - Jack Fuckstick’s Dad - Old Man, Look at My Life - the big dug - Maria Sharapova  - Mr. Game & Watch

They have nine beverages between the two of them

What they have are five beverages and four waters. Water, by definition, cannot be a beverage.

The fuck do you mean water cant be a beverage?

the best part of this is that it implies this is the SIXTH cat named glycolysis

i could never be the victim in the horror movie that gets the ominous phone calls because i just literally do not answer the phone ever

What the FUCK

Mr Ratburn from Arthur is gay! It was a straight bait and switch! Oh my god!

Me, drunk at 3 am, yelling at Odin