2sammiches

you know what truly disgusts me… being able to feel my own heartbeat. it’s bad. don’t need to actively know what’s going on in there. don’t need to feel that. it’s not any of my business

yodel they/he hoo or whatever the fuck

what if vampires are like mosquitoes and only the ladies drink blood

Pretty sure that would mean the fellas drink tree sap or something. Imagine running from a vampire thru the woods and passing her husband who's biting a tree real hard

Maple syrup vampire husband

Encounter: Maple syrup vampire husband drinking sap in the woods, also trying to lure you to his literally bloodthirsty wife.

The wife has the classic Villain Of The Night aesthetic, all black, flowing cape, everything, and her husband is wearing red flannel, overalls, a beard, and is welding a log-splitting axe

This person gets it! Classic vampire lady and her lumberjack husband!

When I was a kid, the "Oh my god, you got so big!" comment from grown-ups used to really annoy me, because it felt broadly infantilising. But now, as an adult myself, I realise it had very little to do with me, and almost everything to do with said grown-up feeling suddenly attacked by the passage of time, yet not wanting to blurt out "shit, fuck, I just pissed away like four years of my life without noticing, then, huh?" in front of an 8-year-old.

Memento Mori

Come on man McMento Mori was right there

the photographer hero we didn’t know we needed

This is the funniest thing ever