The Mishaps of a Fangirl

Sung Deok-sun and Choi Taek  ♡

Theirs is a relationship about the quiet moments. There were no great gestures, no dramatic confessions, no lavish proposals. Instead, it was a relationship characterised by lifelong handholding, of piggyback rides or princess carries when injured, of kisses at times desperate, at times, sweet. Of a love with no discernible starting point but just a natural progression into it. Of waiting by the phone for a call and of quiet excitement at a concert outing. Theirs is about waking early in the morning and staying up late at night for walks together in the neighbourhood alleys. Of returning to each other despite attempts to branch outwards towards others. Of smiles that brighten the whole face on seeing each other. Of utter delight at an “I love you” no matter how morose or upset they were before. Of effort to make time for each other despite other commitments, be it work, baduk. Of constancy and confidence in their love for each other that it survived being hidden and the pressures of being a public figure.

that doesn't mean i dislike jungpal, no no. i love him with deoksun too, those secret moments he looked after her. ah, the tsundere dream guy i've always wanted.

but what really got on my nerves was that, how much he hesitated. like he himself realized, it was his countless hesitation that led to the ending.

let's talk about the grown up gang. when taekie heard about how deoksun was kinda stood up for her concert date but how she refused to lose her face in front of the teasing boys that she ended up at the concert venue without a date, he cancelled his match. he cancelled a match for the first time in his career, just so she wouldn't end up alone.

but jungpal, right after he saw deoksun's date with his girlfriend at the cinema, he went on with the movie date with dongryung and continued to hesitiate. it took him much more hesitation to finally realize, that was his chance to create a coincidence. yes, those red lights were a reason that slowed him too. but honestly, if he left right after he saw deoksun's date, wouldn't he be able to reach in time?

i wouldn't read too much about the 18 years-old jungpal, as back then he was just being a noble idiot, wanting to give her up for taekie. and taekie doing the same to jungpal, not giving deoksun a single chance to even choose, stop deciding for the girl please!!!

how taekie went ahead, all out to grab onto her that he longed for. that was enough for me to say, yes he deserves her. say whatever you all want; deoksun was just returning his feelings, jungpal deserves her more. don't most relationships start with one-sided feeling first, then work out after dating when the other side has those feelings in return too?

if deoksun realized she had feelings in return after dating taekie for some time, then why don't taekie deserve her too?

i saw a post somewhere about how taekie needs deoksun more than jungpal, and i would take that theory too. remember how taekie was still a daily life idiot even after years passed? deoksun had to look after him still. jungpal would do just fine without her, just like how he always had been. but remember how taekie said he was at his best condition during the only trip deoksun tagged along? i think that was enough to show how much deoksun was needed without none of them realizing.

jungpal's confession but turning into a joke was the best closure i could ask for. even at that moment, if he didn't turn it into a joke after, he may have stood a good chance. afterall, she did had some feelings for him.

but i guess, as what he said, he didn't want her as much as taekie did. when deoksun misunderstood him after seeing jungbong in the exact same pink shirt she gave him, he didn't bother to explain. he just, left it there. was he not desperate enough?

NCT 127

TAEIL JOHNNY TAEYONG YUTA DOYOUNG

JAEHYUN JUNGWOO MARK HAECHAN

NCT DREAM

RENJUN JENO JAEMIN CHENLE JISUNG

WAYV

KUN TEN WINWIN LUCAS XIAOJUN

HENDERY YANGYANG

SHOTARO SUNGCHAN

arrangedmarriage!hendery

genre: fluff, angst, smut words: 21k  Warnings: sexual content; mentions of terrorism, death and injury; swearing

he was the president’s son, you were the ambassador’s daughter, forced into a marriage, the success of which, world peace quite literally hinged on

********

The news was unavoidable, every night it got worse and worse, your parents had advised you not to watch it, but you never listened. The tensions between the two countries had been rising for years and though they did their best to cover it up, those in the know, like your father, knew that you were on the brink of war.

“The proposed trade deal and boarder agreement between the two nations has fallen through,” said the newsreader who looked as calm as ever despite the potentially terrifying consequences of what she was saying.

You heard a knock at your door, so you fell leaned back on your bed, switching the TV off.

“Oh, I could imagine the two of you together with your kids.” Taeyong’s mom giggled while serving them dinner. Astryd just smiled as she doesn’t have anything to say. She is clearly overwhelmed by the warmth, their home could give.

“Mom, stop talking about that, Ryd might be pressured by that,” Taeyong held her hand, trying to ease the nervousness in her. He looked at her and smiled reassuringly, saying there’s nothing to be worried about.

“Come on, you are not getting any younger, of course, that’s your way to go.” His mom said, with a smile on her face.

The dinner went on, talking about their future plans, families, and babies. Astryd tried to smile her way through the meal with his family. It has been long since they were together, of course, they are expected of these things. When the dinner ended, the older couple bid them goodbye and told them to think about what they talked about over dinner.

The whole ride home was silent. Astryd could not take the idea of her head. She was still thinking of what happened. She flinched when someone held her hands, she looked up and saw it was Taeyong holding her hand while driving. He looked peaceful, even happy over what they have talked about earlier. 

When they arrived, Taeyong felt the uneasiness from Astryd’s, back in his parents’ home, he thought it was just nervousness from meeting his parents but now he thinks it’s more than that. She looks bothered and has been spacing out ever since they went home. He’s feeling heavy all of a sudden.

“Babe? What’s wrong?” He asked softly, catching her attention.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine,” Astryd looked at him but couldn’t stare at his eyes.

“Hey, if this is about earlier. No need to feel pressure about it, babe. If you are not comfortable talking about it, I can talk to them and not open up about it over the next dinner with them. I told you it’s fine if you are still not ready.” He held both her hands, holding it tightly just to let her feel that it’s totally fine.

“No, don’t, if they like to talk about it let them be. If you want to talk about it, it’s fine,” Astryd said.

“But I know you are uncomfortable about it. I said it’s fine if you are not taking it into consideration right?” Taeyong said while trying to catch her gaze.

“No, it’s fine to talk about it. Because you look happy. I’ve never seen you look that glad. Your eyes sparkle just by the thought of us having a family. I can feel your excitement whenever you talk about kids. The way you want to have a smaller version of yourself. That happiness evident in your voice whenever you talk to kids, hoping they are your own. Whenever you tell about your future, it always has you building a family. And I don’t want to take that away from you.” She spoke while still not looking directly at his eyes.

“And what would that make you? Suppressing what you are actually feeling? I told you, I can compensate if you are not okay with it. I am ready to meet in the middle for both of us.” His eyes still looking at her, pleading.

“I don’t want you to compensate. You have been adjusting ever since we started,” She closed her eyes, feeling the pang of pain in her chest.

“What do you want me to do?” He asked.

She finally met his gaze. He looked at her eyes, now it is filled with tears. That broke him apart. That wasn’t the eyes of the girl he first met.

“I want us to end,” those words finally broke out from her lips. 

“We can’t just keep on going like this. We are not meeting in the middle. You are following me to my other side, completely forgetting that you also have a side of your own.” Tears keep falling down her cheeks and that view is breaking him into pieces. “Our sides will never meet in the middle and we can’t try it too far because we might lose ourselves while finding that middle ground for the both of us.”

“Uncle! I already gave it to her!” The kid eagerly jumped to Johnny after doing the task he has the kid to do.

“Wow! That’s great! Now, would you want to have some ice cream?” Johnny smiled as the kid jumped in enthusiasm again after hearing about the treat.

Both were sitting by the patio eating a cone of ice cream on their own while watching kids and parents walk out of the gate of the school. I wasn’t packed like earlier so they could see each one going out.

“Uncle, why do you always ask me to give some cookies to my teacher?” the kid asked while licking his ice cream.

Johnny just smiled at the kid and wiped the ice cream off the kid’s face. “Just because,” he answered.

“You always answer me like that! I need another answer!” The kid pouted and acted sulky just because he couldn’t get the answer he wanted, which made Johnny giggle. The kid never fails to make him smile with its whines and antics.

“That’s because you would never understand,” he said to the kid so calmly.

The truth is, Johnny just couldn’t find the right words to explain why he is still doing these things. Why he bribes this kid ice cream just to give her the baked cookies he made and making sure she eats on time. He can’t explain why he is still waiting for her to come out of her work and makes sure she goes home safely. He can’t explain why he is still being concerned with her well-being when they have long been broken up.

“Ah! I know!” the kid shouted that made Johnny out of his trance. “You like her! Uncle! Do you like my teacher?” the kid asked all smiling, thinking he hit the jackpot.

“How could you say that I like her?” he asked the little one. “And who told you about that? You’re too young to know about those things.”

“Mama told me about it,” the younger smiled. “She said that when you like someone, you would do a lot of things for that person. That’s what you are doing to my teacher now.  Also, mama said that when you like someone, you can give half of your snack to that person. But uncle gives more than half to my teacher. So, you like her uncle. You should tell her!” The kid was shaking and pushing him to do it.

The older just laughed at the kid. “Did your mama also said that?” The kid just nodded and continued shaking his shoulders.

“I don’t need to tell her that, kiddo,” Johnny said as he patted the kid’s head to calm him down.

“But why?” the kid asked.

Johnny did not answer but looked in the direction of the gate across him. There goes the woman, he loves, walking so beautifully just like the day he first met her. When she lifted her face, beauty is just eminent in every angle of it. Johnny just melted when her lips lifted into a smile. The smile that bought light to his world. It was used to be his. Now, it belonged to someone else. And that’s why she doesn’t need to know that he still loves her.

The strong smell of chemicals is getting to my senses. Ambiguous noises from the electric devices are needed in this place. The lady attending me smiled at me through the mirror and asked, “So, what haircut would you want this time?” I just smiled at her, she knew how I could go to lengths and break barriers with my way of styling my hair. 

I went on explaining to her how I’d want my hair styled this time. They went on with the usual conditioning treatments and the other kinds of stuff. It takes quite a long time that I didn’t know I felt into a quick nap like they would mind though.

Woke up to several voices from the other customers but it wasn’t much of a bother because I can see that I am almost done too. I looked in the mirror and saw a familiar-looking phone case, that seems like someone’s taking a picture of me. I stared at it longer and realized it belonged to someone I know. The phone was lowered and I can now clearly see the owner of that phone. He only flashed a sweet smile to me.

I quickly grabbed my phone and opened my messaging app and chatted with him.

I: Did you just took a photo of me?

Mark: Yep, you looked cute snoring there :P

I : I did not snore! 

Mark: You’re not sure about that lol

I: Argh, I hate you!

I heard my phone ping after I sent him the last message but I did not bother looking at it because I am kinda annoyed with him. I looked at him through the mirror again and he just laughed looking back at me as if finding the situation funny.

“Is he your boyfriend, Miss?” the hairdresser spoke breaking that trance of annoyance I was feeling over my boyfriend.

“Uhh yes, he is,” I softly spoke and blushed as if embarrassed when I admitted it. “Was he here just now?” I asked.

“He was here like two hours ago, you just didn’t see him, Miss,” the hairdresser chuckled at the thought. “He was scribbling his phone the whole time, finding something to do just to kill the boredom while waiting for you. I can say he has long patience to wait that long." 

I bit my lip just to hide the smile coming out of my lips from this thrilling emotion knowing what he did for me. The hairdresser moved the curtains around me to cover and give some privacy for the last touches over my hair. 

After a few minutes, I was already done and I am staring at the mirror, not getting used to this new look I am having. I opted for a simple tousled look now, a lighter shade of brown for the color, and chose to cut it shoulder-length. This was opposite to my loud and extravagant hairstyles back then that also shocked the hairdresser when I pitched her my idea earlier.

"You looked great with this one, never imagined you to be going to this hairstyle though,” said the hairdresser. I giggled and said my thank you to her. I am excited to show this new look to Mark.

I opened the curtain and saw him there sitting in black ripped jeans, a green hoodie, and his black cap. My heart fluttered how he looked good even with a casual outfit. He looked up to me, slowly stood up, and stared at me. I neared him, not breaking eye contact, and just smiled at him. 

“Do I look good?” I asked him.

“Wow, you looked more than good,” he said still staring at me.

“Let’s go?” I tried to divert his attention because I kind of getting embarrassed how he still didn’t break those stares at me. Not that I am comfortable but I can’t contain my happiness that my boyfriend is looking at me like I am the most beautiful lady he has ever seen.

He didn’t say any word but went on holding my hand and we continued to walk out of the salon. I can still feel him staring at me that I couldn’t take it anymore. I stopped our tracks and faced him.

“Hey, you’ve been staring way too much. Do I look that good or something’s wrong with it?” I kidded just to wake him from his trance.

There I saw some hint of panic in his eyes. “No, no, no,” he said right away. “It’s just that you look good with this look. Not that you don’t look good with your past hairstyles but damn, babe you look really hot with this. I can’t explain how the color perfectly fitted your face. The curls just highlighted your face more. It was just simple yet it’s breathtaking at the same time.” Mark looked at my eyes again, “Beautiful is just not enough how to describe you and I am falling deeper with you and I don’t regret it at all.”

I woke up to a ray of light striking my face trying to tell me the sun has risen and so should I. It was just a normal day for me or it isn’t? I stood up from my bed and fixed it when I heard some rumbles on my grand piano. There wouldn’t be anyone interested in playing it aside from me except. 

I walked outside of my room without checking how I looked, curious who could that person hitting the keys and play a familiar tune. As I reached the doorway, I saw a familiar figure right in front of the piano. Sitting there is a man wearing a black turtle neck paired with his favorite black pants and boasting his classic comb-over hairstyle. Damn, this man knows how to look good. Rather than falling over his looks, I threw a soft cough just to catch his attention that’s too focused on playing that song.

“Seriously, Hyuck? This early?” I tried to give off an annoying look as if he bothered my morning.

He looked back at me and flashed me that smile that is even brighter than the morning sun. Instead of answering me, he sang the familiar lyrics of our favorite song.

I wanna make you smile whenever you’re sad

Carry you around when your arthritis is bad

All I wanna do is grow old with you

I just smiled it through, melting to that sweet voice of his. I was stuck at the doorway, still can’t stop the fluttering of my heart with this sudden surprise visit of his. He looked at me again while playing the piano, seeing I still didn’t move an inch, he pouted at me, signaling why am I not going near him. He continued singing the next verse, not removing his eyes off me.

I’ll get your medicine when your tummy aches

Build you fire if the furnace breaks

It could be so nice, growing old with you

I walked my way to him not breaking that eye contact he has been trying to maintain. I just smiled at him as a response to his verse and sat beside him, in front of the piano. Now, singing the chorus which I love the most.

I’ll miss you

Kiss you

Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you

Feed you

Even let you hold the remote control

Now that I am near him, I could look closely at his bewitching look. His melanin skin becoming more prominent because of the rays of sunlight. His eyes sparkle way better than the stars at night. Those moles that act as if dots completing his good-looking face. I could find more than a thousand words to describe how beautiful he is but I just want to stare at it now.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink

Put you to bed when you’ve had too much to drink

I could be the man who grows old with you

He stared at me again as if meaning every single lyric in the song for me. Not singing with his voice but letting his heart manipulate every word letting me feel those high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine he has in every fiber of his body. 

I wanna make you smile whenever you’re sad

carry you around when your arthritis is bad

All I wanna do is grow old with you

I can’t help but curve my lips upside, can’t hide the overwhelming happiness I am feeling right now. How I’d love to see and experience this every morning for the rest of our lives soon.

I’ll miss you

Kiss you

Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you

Feed you

Even let you hold the remote control

We continued to sing the last verse together, not even thinking how time passes. Just getting into the song and living as if nothing even mattered.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink

Put you to bed when you’ve had too much to drink

I could be the man who grows old with you

I wanna grow old with you

As he struck the last key of the song, he stared at me and gave me chuckled smile. Letting our faces just show those emotions we are feeling right now because no words can describe the fluttering of our emotions, the fast-paced beating of our hearts, and how perfect this situation is. We just sat there in silence, even though the song already ended, no other noise playing around us but our hearts beating as one.

“Okay, class dismissed”, the professor announced and I can see my block mates rumbling and just trying to get out of the class as fast as they can. Others were smiling and giggling with their friends. I heaved a deep sigh as I am too frustrated with the scores I got for my exams. This exam is important for the overall grade so it bothers me. 

I walked out of the room with slouched shoulders and passed through the corridors with a head down low. The scores still not getting out of my head. I absent-mindedly walked around the university and I just want to go home as soon as possible. I was taken aback when someone suddenly tapped my shoulders and when I looked up, there I saw Injunie smiling at me. I just gave him a small smile in response. 

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” He asked but I just shrugged it off not having the energy to talk. We went on walking our way going to my dorm. He got used to me not talking especially when I am not feeling well.

We went on still walking side by side, not talking and I can feel he is getting uncomfortable with the atmosphere we have. I was stunned how he swiftly put on one of his AirPods in my one ear. I looked at him, astounded by his actions but he only smiled at me reassuringly and slowly held my hand.

As a note started playing, my heart started to melt like I am about to cry. He played That’s Okay by D.O. I was trying to stop myself from bawling out because I don’t want to let him see me in this vulnerable state plus I feel like this is just a very light problem to cry on. I held his hand tighter just to make me feel strong.

Sometimes I cry

Sometimes I laugh

I have expectations

And I go through the pain

As those lyrics came on, my tears suddenly went falling as my head was down low and I can’t face anyone right now. I am trying hard not to sniff because it’ll let him know I was already crying. We suddenly stopped walking which made me lift my head to see him, finding answers to why we stopped. But then I realized, we were already here in front of my dorm. 

He just sighed looking at my eyes showing signs of distress and the tears now won’t stop falling on my cheeks. He pulled me into a hug, his arms covering me tighter and I just can’t help but sob in his chest. A heavier volume of tears coming out and I just can’t understand why I am crying over a red mark on a piece of paper. He continued to give me warmth in his embrace, slowly rubbing my back to give me comfort.

The troubles you couldn’t talk about

The spots with deep scars

The time passing at the same pace

Like always, I’ll wash them away

So it’s okay to live like flowing water

It’s okay to be okay

I cried harder as the song ended. “I shouldn’t be crying but why do I feel this way? Those scores wouldn’t dictate what I have for the future right? But why am I crying so hard over those numbers?” I mumbled those words, at last, getting those heavy emotions enveloping me from a while ago. 

He kept on rubbing my back and muttered these words, “It’s okay, that’s fine. Your feelings are valid and you are allowed to feel that. I can’t tell you to be upset about it but I know you can carry on. I know you can still be better and can do the best because you are you." 

Rain dropping outside making the room grow colder that I don’t want to stand up and just cuddle beside you. I was just about to curl more into our position when you suddenly stood up and just looked back at me. My expression showed confusion but instead, you just smiled at me sweetly and pinched my nose. 

“I’ll be back sweetie." 

I followed you with a frown on my face because of how you interrupted our cuddle time. I saw you went to the kitchen and there I saw you meddling over something. I just sat by the island, watching your back. How could you look so good even with that simple white shirt? I just sat there in silence while waiting for you. After a while, you faced me with two cups in both of your hands and smiles sweetly again at me. It was a cup of coffee and a hot chocolate. My heart just melted how you always knew I liked hot chocolate over coffee. 

You walked past me and looked back giving me a nod, signaling me to follow you. You went straight to the sofa and put down the cups at the coffee table, leaving again for the turntable and scribbled along with your vinyl collections. I smiled when that familiar tune playing, what would I expect other than your favorite song? 

"Sweet by Cigarettes after Sex?” I said while holding the cup of hot chocolate you made me earlier while casually sitting on the couch.

“Oh come on, as if you don’t like it.” You whined while walking back in my direction. I just giggled because I know it is also one of my faves. 

You sat next to me, pulling me to hug you. I curled into you hugging you more, smelling that manly scent of yours. I lay my head over your shoulder, getting comfortable in that position we are in. We just cuddled there in silence as you kissed the top of my head, our hands intertwining, just the soft rhythm and beats filling the room. I loved how these moments are more special to us than any other dates. Just the two of us. 

“Sweetie,” you called me, I looked up to you, seeing that perfectly sculpted face of yours. 

“Hmm?” I hummed asking what you needed, I saw how your lips grinned and smiled from ear to ear like you saw the best person in the world. Instead of answering me, You just shook your head and hugged me again. 

Now you snuggled to my shoulders and then slightly whispered to my ears, 

“I love you.” I just smiled at that knowing how you aren’t that type to be vocally expressive of what you feel but I still love you that way.

“I love you too,” I replied. You don’t know how much I love you Jaehyun.

A.N.

Kath sighed as she walked out of the door of her last class for the day. She was heck tired from the whole week of classes, random quizzes, and projects. There stood outside of her classroom was Jeno, he smiled right away when their eyes met. He had always been there for her even if he, himself is busy with his classes. It has been their routine that he would her home after a long day from school. She went near him and walked with him going to his car.

While walking, he held her hand and pressed it lightly. “Tired?” He asked. She only nodded in response. Barely having the energy to answer him anymore.

When they got in the car, she didn’t expect to doze off in the middle of the ride. He only chuckled seeing her sleeping peacefully on the passenger seat. She woke up to the sound of the engine of the car slowing down, signaling that they already reached their destination. But she got confused as her eyes roam around outside of the car. This isn’t her dorm. This is nowhere near her dorm. She looked at Jeno with eyes confused but she only received a smile from the latter.

“Where are we?” she asked. “This isn’t my dorm." 

"Who said it is?” said the other. “Let’s go outside.”

Still lost with what is happening, Kath followed Jeno and her eyes wandered the green trees, hazy blue sky, birds fleeing from one tree to the other. The overlooking view seemed to vanish the stress lurking in her system. That’s when she realized why she was brought by Jeno there. She felt his eyes set on her and she looked at him sitting gorgeously by the hood of the car. He smiled at her and stretched his arms open for an embrace. Kath just chuckled lightly and walk her way to him, hugging him back.

“Thank you,” she whispered as she snuggled her face on his chest. “I don’t know if I’d survive without you.”