Absolutely, because itâs an extremely sticky issue.
Frankly, this is something I wouldâve never understood without living the experience.
Itâs now blatantly clear to me that most cis men probably experience chronic emotional malnutrition. Theyâre deprived of social connection just enough for it to seriously fuck with their psyches, but not enough for them to realize that itâs happening and whatâs causing it.
Itâs like theyâre starving, but donât know this because theyâve always been served 3 mealsâŚexcept those meals have never been big enough.
This deprivation comes from all sides of aisle, by the way.
In the case of women: When Iâm out in public and interact with women, all of them come off as incredibly aloof, cold, and mirthless. I have never experienced this before even though I know exactly what this composure isâthe armor that keeps away creepy-ass men.
As someone who used to wear it myself, I know this armor is 100% impersonal. Nobody likes wearing it, and I can say with absolute certainty that women would dump the armor in favor of unconditional companionship with men if doing this didnât run the risk of actual assault. (Trust me when I say women arenât just being needlessly guarded.)
But I only have a complete understanding of this context because Iâve experienced female socialization. If I hadnât, I wouldâve thought this coldness was a conspiracy against me devised by roughly half of the human population. Even now, with all that I know about navigating the world as a woman, Iâm failing to convince my monkey-brain that this armor isnât social rejection.
And as for male socialization? Again, it seems taboo for a man to be platonically intimate with men for reasons I have yet to fully understand, but I think it boils down to a) the fact society teaches boys that itâs not okay to be soft with each other, and b) garden-variety homophobia. Our media only shows men being intimate with one another when theyâre teamed up against a dire situation, and Iâd bet real money itâs a huge reason why men gravitate toward activities that simulate being teamed up against an opposing force.
But men are not machines of war. Yes, testosterone absolutely gives you Dumb Bastard Brain, but that just makes you want to skateboard a wagon down a hill or duct-tape your friend to the wall, not kill someone.
The human species looks so much colder standing from this side.
I can see how men might convince themselves that their feelings of emotional desperation is personal weakness as opposed to a symptom theyâre all experiencing from White Imperialism. Because this human connection, this frith, is as essential for our wellbeing as water is.
So sick. How sick. I want to destroy this garbage.
