War Never Changes

Tanjiro Kamado

Thief (offscreen, quietly): Hey.... wake up.

(resident in bed rouses and scrambles to sit up with a gasp)

Thief (on screen, quietly): Before you scream, I’d like to inform you that your entire family is tied up in the living room, and I will start hurting them if you don’t tell me where the money is.

Resident: What? What family? I live alone!

(Thief rapidly and silently goes through many faces of confusion)

Thief (loud now): You live a- Wait, hold up! Then who are all those people who were roaming around your house?

Resident (shouting in alarm): There are people roaming around my house?!

Thief (exasperated): Well not anymore!! (pauses to make hand motions and faces) Are you dumb?? 

Resident: (silent embarrassed frown)

Thief (standing, pulling a pink phone from a pocket): Here! I took this off your night stand. (tosses the phone back to the resident) Call the police! (mockingly) and keep your door locked!! (turning away muttering) Stupid... You coulda died. (tiredly on the way out) You’re welcome. (opens the door and leaves the room)