Hello, dear reader, first of all, thanks for taking this moment of your day to read this.
Second, i apologize already for any grammar mistakes this blog entry may have, my first language is portuguese, and not even there i can express myself like i wanted, that’s why i sketch, paint and try to express myself in other ways that are universal. Words aren’t really my thing, neither are commas and periods.
Since November, i’ve been dealing with a heavy depressed period, and that has affect my camming schedule and style significantly. I lost half of my regulars and earnings, i don;t blame anyone for this but me, i don’t sit in front of my computer and expect tips and new people to entertain to fall from the sky.
If you are here with me since november, 2014, thank you. That’s when my BAD (bipolar affective disorder; more here:http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/286342-overview) triggered really bad (he he no pun indeed). Even travelling to Vegas twice, meeting amazing models, i could not work as I used to and feel happy about it as i wish.
January i started my treatment with natural medicine, so i did some blood work and discovered my case is genetic and has to do with chemicals on my brain (for example, dopamine levels drop or increase at random, with no reason at all) so them, february i started with two heavy medications (clonazepam and depakote) to deal with these random changes on my brain and keep my hormones stable.
I am happy to inform you, reading this post, that they are working pretty well until now. :)
My mind is moving more in real time (i forgot time notion while in my depressing period, so 5 minutes looked like one hour) and i have pleasure into stuff again (remember when i craved Mc Donalds fries? That’s when i started to feel pleasure again on things).
My pleasure was gone for 4 months, only hitting it when I was drunk, which is not healthy at all. So when i was sober, all i could feel and think was lame, dull and boring. No sexual, emotional or physical pleasure.
I’ve been unlucky and weak due health problems I let happened because of stress, for example, my kidney infection just happened ‘cause i was so stressed i didn’t notice my pee hurting, so the urinal infection went up to my kidneys and i didn’t even realize that until i had to get to the hospital in a wheelchair.
June is my Mega Month, i hope until that i can feel better, i really want to make top 100 again, and I need your help to get there in June, but it’s far away for now. It will be my 2nd year on MFC :D
February is almost over, all i want is to be able to finish on top 1000 (three digits ranking), March i need your help, so on and on until June we kick asses and show 'em how strong GweenLand is!
Thank you for reading and even more for understanding. Mental diseases sucks, specially when it doesn’t have a reason, so the “ what’s wrong” “ nothing” is true and sad. You wish you had a reason, but you don’t.
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