Monachopsis

greatest dynamic in the world IS strange, eccentric asshole and their normal and polite friend who on closer inspection is actually worse in deeply weird and unexpected ways

Vaginismus of the soul

i could never be hannibal lecter because i hate lying theyd be like and whats for dinner hannibal and id be like it's beef SORRRYYYYY its actually a guy who i killed and cooked up 😬 are you mad at meee and theyd say no hannibal you told the truth and thats what matters and then we'd all hug

psychiatrist just finished my evaluation and they said i have a curse most ancient

men only sneeze like that for attention

the thing about misandry is its funny but also true which is cool

"sorry for party rocking" I don't think you are. I think you're sorry you got caught

Remember when 10 year old girls used to wear happy bunny t shirts that just said shit like “I’m going to skin you alive”

I can't quite explain it, but Clue (1985), The Princess Bride (1987), Galaxy Quest (1999), and Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023) are all the same genre

They aren't a spoof (roast) or a love letter (tribute), but a best man's speech; an expression of love with a gentle ribbing on ocassion.

i dont want a childproofed internet i am almost 30 fucking years old. give your kid an internet safety talk and stop making it the problem of every adult on the planet every time some cryptkeeper legislator gets the brilliant idea (via conservative lobbying) to push through yet another bill gutting our access to free expression + increasing the powers of the surveillance state + lining the pockets of Big Data in the name of Protecting The Kids they wont even feed. this shit is exhausting i can’t believe we’re going to be fighting about it for the rest of my life

stop signs were invented by octagons in order to have something to do