The Infinities of Nothing

pluviophile

In every heart there is a room, A sanctuary safe and strong, To heal the wounds from lovers past, Until a new one comes along,

Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.

Loneliness does not come from being alone, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important.

I never realized what a big deal that was. How amazing it is to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head.

The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.

I don’t listen to sad music because I want to depress myself. I listen to sad music because it forces out the emotions that I play hide and seek with.

Once you lose someone you depended so much on you have nothing left to rely on but yourself.

I have to say that although it broke my heart, I was, and still am, glad I was there.

I think this is applicable to just about everyone on the planet. Growing up is hard…very hard, and its painful to look back and see just how much sacrifice growing up takes.

You were in my dream again. I can’t remember what we were doing. What I can only remember is that you were there. I can only remember the look on your face, your eyes, your smile. I still can remember the feeling. The hope I felt when you told me to stay. Yes, you told me to stay. I stayed. You were about to tell me something. But it didn’t happen. It didn’t happen because even in my wildest dream, I will never find the answer. I woke up from that dream with dismay and a bit of sadness. Because you are not telling me everything. Not even that thing behind you chest. Not even a single thought inside your head. You’re not telling me anything at all. Every time our eyes meet, my heart cannot hear you say my name. It’s sad because all this time I’m the only one speaking. I’m the only one making up stories. It’s sad because I had to make up conversations in my head just to be able to speak to you. It’s sad because I still need to close my eyes and dream just to see and touch you. It’s sad because I felt like a ghost. It’s sad because Im alone in this hopeless battle I made myself. But I’m still picking up pieces of broken hope. I’m still waiting for the answer to the question I never asked you. Yes or no. Either way, we still have to go on living separate lives.

I Erased You. I got rid of all the memories of you, they are driving me insane – they used to be my joy and now all they do is bring pain. I deleted all the selfies, they ones we took together – the very same pictures where we looked a little like forever. I cleared our conversations, the ones we had online – the ones where we were happy and you were all mine. I’ve forgiven you, I just need to forgive myself – for putting you on a pedestal and leaving my heart on a dusty shelf. I cleared out all the emails, the ones we used to share – the same ones I used to send you when I was wishing you were here. You fucked up a good thing, something you’ll never find – but it’s cool I’m glad I’ve left your unfaithful stupidity behind. I think you’re really stupid for giving up this magic – if this was a love song, I bet it would be tragic. I wish you love and happiness and all things pure and kind – but I hope you know that a man like me is really one of a kind.

Everything that exists is born for no reason, carries on living through weakness, and dies by accident

People say that this feeling is called heart broken, but ‘broken’ doesn’t really describe what I’m feeling at all. When you break something, like glass, I imagine it to shatter into smaller pieces. After impact, it’s all over and you’re left with fragments of what used to be whole just a few seconds ago. So what I’m feeling is not broken. My heart is still whole, even after everything. What I feel is more gradual, and I can feel it permeating through my veins. It’s like the setting of the sun, and you’re just sitting on the sidewalk watching the shadows elongate. It’s slow, but there’s nothing you can do to stop it. It’s like feeling every single grain of sand fall from an hourglass, until you have a pile that accumulates in the center of your chest. And this pile of sand is what makes my heart feel so full and heavy, not broken.

The best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded, sometimes destroyed.