6am

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_"You would want to...go out?"

They slowly articulate. I can feel in their voice that joy is not the primary emotion filling them anymore. I swallow my saliva quickly. A million thoughts, almost all starting with "What if", fill my mind, but quickly, I convince myself that I don't have anything to lose anymore anyway. There is no backing up now.

_"With you! Atom, my..." -my tongue hesitates for a moment- "Beloved..."

I try. Even if it might seem obvious to some, I never really tried to lure them with affection. I mean, lure them to do what? Throw me into the infinite void? It's not like there was any chance for them to bring me back to Earth anyway...until now.

I can see that they appreciated the nickname at least as much as I hoped they would! -if not more, seeing the way they started squirming in their seat.-

_"Beloved?!"

They exclaim. I jump as the first Atom, who stood in retreat until now, comes to wrap their arms around my neck affectionately. My first reflex is to get my head away from their grip, but once I leave their embrace, I feel regret.

_"Y-yeah..! Sorry...you know I'm not much into...contact just yet."

They raise their hand in surrender, not insisting anymore this time.

_"Sorry! Forgot!"

But the alien being can't hide the excitement in their voice, which doesn't make their excuse look very good. If they were doubting me before, I feel like there's no chance they are now. Yet I quickly have to guide them back toward my objective. It's not that I'm worried anymore, but I can't risk them getting distracted before I have what I want.

_"You know...you might not know it, but in...human culture we like to show our partner where we grew up! It's...to get closer to each other!"

I say, like my acting skills waited all my life for this moment to finally be good.

But?

But Atom doesn't answer. Standing there like a statue, still with their hand raised. I turn my head to the second suit, still sitting in front of me, which now has their finger up to the lower part of their helmet, thinking. I stop my smile from getting crooked just in time. Didn't I already convince them? It shouldn't be so hard for them to make that choice.

Beloved...beloved... I said that to the entity that ate all of my coworkers, and surely way more innocent people...what am I-

No! No. I can't let these thoughts get between me and my escape. I can't. I had all the time I've been stuck here to cry my eyes out. Now it's time to act.

_"But why go there? I can make it here, in the ship: for you!"

They say, finally interrupting the heavy silence.

_"I told you, I have very good memory!"

_"I know! But going there physically will be-"

_"Luna don't need anything beside me! I already told you im much better than a planet! I can tell you about it again! Why go there?"

This is getting out of hand. This is not how they were supposed to react at all. What did I do wrong?

_"Atom, listen,"

_"Why do you only ask me things I can't give you? I want to be all you need. I can be all you need...you won't let me!"

I feel the ship shaking. When I turn my head, the first Atom has let their arms drop to their sides, their helmet lowered toward the floor.

_"Atom...."

I mutter as the one in front of me is squeezing the table hard enough to make it produce sounds metal shouldn't be able to make. Not under the simple grip of someone, at least.

I feel my heart rate accelerate as flashes of what's inside the suits fill my mind. What they tried to hide for all this time because they knew how much it disgusted me. What could pour out at any moment as a result of their anger.

I try to push back the memories but couldn't, like a broken record replaying the same part over and over.

The thought of them squirming and filling the cafeteria at an alarming speed starts to impose itself on my vision of reality as I can feel every single one of my muscles tense up. How did this go wrong so fast? I needed to stop them. Now.

_"Luna I thought you did'nt hate-"

_"ATOM."

I finally lash out, not out of anger, but out of fear. In all this time I spent stuck here, never had Atom shown any kind of aggression toward me. More than that, never had I ever realized how much I feared them. Or rather, did all this time spent with them make me forget? They always treated me like the one thing they would never hurt, always. But now, this untold promise seemed to have weakened.

At the sound of my despair, they flinched immediately into an agonizing silence. I felt a stinging pain in my eyes, a sign that tears would soon appear in their corners. As the ship stabilized itself, I finally realized that I was shaking too, a pitiful state, truly.

Atom, now completely still, angled their helmet toward my face without a word. I can't tell if they are surprised by my scream, or by what they just said themselves. Maybe both? Maybe neither?

We stay there, staring at each other for way longer than we should. At some point, I hear the footsteps of the Atom behind me leaving the cafeteria, but I'm too busy wiping tears from my face to care. Carefully, I manage to slowly calm myself.

Finally, their helmet turns in another direction, like they can't stand looking me in the eyes anymore.

_"I will take you there, Y/N. You said it's to get closer, right?"

They advance their arms in my direction to borrow my hands. I try to pull them away, but their grip is too strong, and it seems to only get stronger with my movements.

_"You don't need to have doubts. I don't understand why I can't make it for you, but if seeing it one time makes you happy...I will do it."

They say, their voice slowly regaining its joy despite the slight nervousness in it. My heart still pounding in my ears, I try to answer but can't.

_"Y/N...Luna...I thought I learned everything on your specie. I was sure I was ready to fill every one of your needs easy. But I learn from you every day. Human are complicated. So many things to remember. I wanna be your paradise Luna, like you are mine. So I will...do efforts. I know you will love me, I just didn't know I had to work that path for that...Do you forgive me?"

They ask, almost softly, like trying to tame a feisty beast. I'm split between absolute rage and relief. Once again, I try to form an answer, a thought even, but my throat is still too tight, the fog in my mind too dense. Before I can force it, Atom continues.

_"Don't worry Luna, I know you will forgive me. You are kind, I remember. Even if I am now bigger, I am still weak, inside. Like you."

They explain, placing one of their hands on their chest. Faced once again with a lack of answer from me, they let go of my hand slowly to grab the plate of half-eaten breakfast.

_"It's cold now."

They affirm, but push the plate toward me anyway.

_"If you can't eat it, put it inside the trash!"

And finally, on this unnecessarily joyful advice, the suit walks out. For once, I'm left alone without having asked for it. But after what happened, I can't truly savor it. Not hungry anymore, I don't even try to finish it before throwing the breakfast away.

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I look at the low ceiling on top of my bed, deep in my thoughts. Still not having fully understood the discussion that went down a few hours ago with the entity and the feelings it brought me. Or should I call it an argument?...

Was I feeling scared? Of course that fits. Who wouldn't be scared? I still can't get rid of the feeling that, if I didn't stop them in time, they might have decided to repeat what happened last time...

I have to keep myself from having a gag reflex and quickly decide to think about something else...but my mind drifts back to what happened. It felt exactly like their first crash out...how sudden it was, how terrified I was. Yet...the first was logical. This one wasn't in the slightest. I called them a lovely nickname, don't they love those? They are the one who keep calling me Luna despite how many times I told them not to! But fear wasn't the only thing...there were so many other things I couldn't quite put a name on, so many things that added onto the mess in my head. The worst part was that it didn't feel like everything was negative. I couldn't explain it. Not understanding Atom wasn't new...but not understanding myself? I should be feeling pure rage, pure fear, pure...something! Not whatever this mess was.

Maybe there was an obvious solution to this, but my brain was visibly way too tired to find it anyway.

After a while of circling my thoughts over and over, I finally decided that there was no use thinking so much about it. The answer was clear as water. Humans were a species known for their ability to adapt, and that's the only thing I was gonna be able to count on. Right now, I somehow managed to convince them to let us stop at their planet, and that was the one good side I'll need to focus on for now.

Once that was decided, I finally sat back on my bed, looking around my perfectly arranged room. No sign of Atom. Despite the remaining unpleasant feeling in my stomach, I get up and let the automatic doors open before me. They're not in the hallway either. The now-usually colored hue illuminating the empty path is the only sign of the parasite's presence.

I stay in the doorway of my bedroom for a bit, thinking about what I should do. I could guess easily that, with what went down, Atom might not have any "activity" planned with me anymore. As strange as that sounds, they seem to truly...avoid me? It's the first time such a thing has happened, so I can't be sure of anything. But it has been, what...three hours since I've heard the sound of their shoes on the ship?

I know that technically they still are...everywhere. But it never has been this long without them showing themselves. And as much as it should worry me, I dare to hope they are just busy changing the ship's direction. I've already spent enough time stressing over all of this.

I step out with a yawn and walk aimlessly for a bit, taking time to look around without the constant presence of the entity. Soon enough, I find myself reproducing the path I used to take for daily mechanic checkups on the ship before any of this started, and I have to stop myself from opening panels, knowing damn well that what awaits me behind them aren't the well-arranged wires I used to take care of, but rather alive, slimy, black ones.

The thought makes a grimace appear on my face, and I pull my hand away before walking off, continuing my little walk.

After a while, I arrive at another familiar place: the airlock. The natural light of the stars is sublime through the reinforced glass, and weirdly, the fact that the window is so little makes the scenery even prettier, poetic, almost.

Just looking at it makes Atom's voice echo in my head. I feel like this should have led me to walk away, but instead I get closer, putting my arms on the border of the circular window as I focus on the outside rather than the inside.

It's sad, sometimes, how fast humans adapt. It's a beautiful landscape that I have the luck to witness in this little ship. So many stars that I couldn't count them even if I wanted to, infinity just in front of me. Places where time and gravity themselves bend to please forces beyond comprehension. And all that in a beautiful explosion of blue, pink, purple, green, and so many other colors.

But I'm used to it. Used to watching all of this drift away. Used to seeing myself drift away from everything I knew. Constantly.

It's a beautifully, beautifully common show for me.

Instead, I miss the beauty of the clouds on Earth, the variety of the shapes and colors they could adopt, the smell after the rain, the sound of the tears of the sky tapping against a window, the soft, warm wind that rarely came to hug me for half a second when I was cold. The noise, the people, the screams, the laughs, the trees...

Trees?

Atom said their planet was green...will the trees be like the ones on earth? Will there be grass? Animals? If it's populated...what does these people look like? I've come to a point where I'm not sure how others are supposed to look anymore. Will they be kind? Understanding? Cold? Hot-blooded? Either way, I knew I'd appreciate it with all my might...is it truly finally a chance for me to escape?

I hope so. I hope that I can convince myself enough to believe it.

"Luna! You're starwatching?"

I jump like I never did before at the sudden voice. Then, I take a deep breath before turning around slowly, revealing Atom to me, their hand behind their back. Looking so happy that it makes me feel like everything that happened earlier was only a nightmare.

In the most

Creepily

Skin-Crawling

Way

Possible.

Tho the fact that we 1re mutually encouraging ourselves in an obsession over a fictional mass of alien worms may not be very healthy ... /jk

Find it funny how everytime I feel like im starting to loose interest, I just need to play the game (or really read any mine pronnounced by atom)vand I'm hooked again. At this point you might just put a trail of astronought merch and I won't hesitate into falling in your trap if I get to keep the merch.

Realised I little cringe something for my birthday!

"Asked them for a kiss as a gift"

I was also drawing something for yall.BUT if I stop writing this to go finish the drawing I know I won't post this tonight, so the drawing'll be for later!!

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Being watched is a strange feeling. Truly, I read not so long ago that humans aren't able to truly sense if someone is watching them. It's basically all in your head.

Yet when things change so much in your environment, your way of seeing them changes too. If before it was only an impression, a paranoia created by my own fears of the unknown-of the darkness lurking in the corners...now I know that it's the pure and harsh reality. It took me a while to truly understand that no matter how far I force Atom to be, they'll always be there. I find it fascinating. Horrifying...but also fascinating.

Sometimes it almost comforts me. It may be this thing's manipulation starting to work on me. But when I feel alone, it feels good to know that I never truly am. Maybe it's only what I'm telling myself so I don't go crazy, but I'd like to believe it without thinking too much about it for now.

I don't really know how many days it's been since I'm stuck here, how many weeks...perhaps years? At first, I tried to keep track of the time by basing it on my sleep. But without all my responsibilities, I soon found myself oversleeping or staying up late watching space slowly drift by, and with the stars that disappeared behind the ship, so did my notion of time.

That morning I woke up early-well, early surely isn't the right word-but I knew it was earlier than usual when what welcomed my slowly awakening consciousness was Atom's silhouette leaning over my bed. They know that I hate when they watch me sleep, so they quickly learned to hide when I'm about to wake up. But visibly they weren't fast enough this time.

_"Urghhh..."

I groaned like I was in agony as the suit in front of me jumped in surprise before frantically waving their arms in panic, not even noticing how their head violently hit the low ceiling on top of my bed.

_"Luna! Luna? You're awake? I'm sorry! I didn't mean- you don't want me to follow the rhythm of your breath so-"

They spat the words out as fast as they could while straightening up, visibly hesitating between the joy of seeing me awake and the fear that I might be mad.

_"...shut up...I just woke up."

I cut them off while rubbing my face to avoid falling back asleep.

_"You did!"-they answered with way too much joy in their voice-"It is actually good news! The human can do the best while having 10 hours of sleep maximum!"

They said while "inflating" their bust, proud of their knowledge. I ignored that-not even questioning if what they had just said was true-and slowly sat down on my bed-putting my blanket aside.-

_"What's for breakfast today?"

_"Eggs and toast! I trained to make egg all night for Luna!"

The thought of filling my stomach put a slight smile on my face, and I got out of bed. After a quick fight to get Atom to stop paying attention to my room while I got dressed, I walked out in the corridors, the familiar sound of my boots hitting the metallic floor filling them, soon followed by the sound of Atom running to join me.

As they got closer, the urge to run away filled every ounce of my body, but it was useless. There was no way out of here. My only chance was the day I met them, and I didn't take it in time.

_"Luna?"

I slightly jumped as I realized they were now next to me-on an oddly synchronized pace. A bit on edge, I sped up.

_"For the I-stopped-counting-a-long-time-ago's, it's Y/N. Not Luna."

I sighed angrily. I didn't even give them a glance, yet I could easily guess they were wondering what they had done to anger me this time.

_"Oh! Yes...Y/N."

They added as they caught up to me once again.

_"I'm sure you're gonna love the egg! I trained very hard!"

_"Hm-hm."

And that was the only answer I gave them for all the next attempts they made to pull me out of my anger for the rest of the way to the kitchen.

Once there, I immediately noticed another Atom using the stove to cook some eggs, two pieces of toast positioned on a plate next to them. For a second I wondered if I was in a dream before remembering that Atom was, in fact, not human. I tend to forget that I'm the hostage of an eldritch entity, and I'm surprised by that myself.

Both of their helmets were turned in my direction, which was odd considering one of them was supposed to be cooking.

_"Sit down!"

They said together joyfully as I pulled out a chair. For a second I saw Kiara once again, complaining about some problems she had back on Earth. I quickly pushed her out of my mind, trying to focus on whatever Atom had started to yap about, yet the thought became louder and louder as I tried to ignore it.

I miss her.

What's happening with me today? Did I wake up on the wrong foot?

I miss all of them.

I stared into the void for a bit as the weight of that thought made my shoulders drop.

How ironic is that? I can't remember the number of times I wished they would leave me alone, or for this job to finish faster. Yet... I never really wanted them dead. Not like that, at least. I'm not sad enough to break down crying thinking about their deaths, yet I'm not neutral enough about it to avoid feeling slightly uneasy either.

I was finally pulled out of my thoughts by a plate full of eggs and toast being placed in front of me.

_"And that's where I existed!"

_"Eh?"

_"You know! You told how you existed. I existed the same way!"

_"How I... existed?"

I asked, trying to understand the context I had missed. The nonsensical blabbering of Atom would surely feel better than thinking about already dead assholes.

_"I think you say... born!"

I raised an eyebrow. Atom never really talked about their past, except when it was to explain how many things they had done just to find me.

_"You remember when you were born?"

_"Of course! I remember anything!.. almost.. mostly things about you though!"

They giggled. I didn't. Instead, questions started popping up in my head like water flowing from a new spring. Seeing my expression of genuine curiosity, Atom sat down in front of me.

_"Luna didn't know I remembered?"

They asked, simply happy to have an opportunity to talk with me.

_"No, I mean... I didn't think you were..."

_"Born? Everything born! Everything dies!"

_"I guess. You just seem so... powerful. Like some sort of mysterious entity we talk about in legends."

_"Thank you, Luna, I'm embarrassed!"

They answered, covering their visor like they were able to blush.

_"I didn't mean- Whatever... you said you remember where?"

_"I do! Yes! Luna's interested about me?"

I finally picked up one of my pieces of toast to take a bite. The taste was slightly off, but it was way better than the first ones they made. As I swallowed the food, I nodded.

_"Kinda."

_"I was born on a green planet, very small- and-"

They stopped. The suit completely froze in place in an almost unnatural way, and for a second I almost thought I could see little movements from inside it.

_"It's not far actually!"

They exclaimed, their "body" regaining life like a video unpaused. Their words took some time before truly sinking in.

_"...Not far?"

I repeated, unsure of what those words implied and not daring to guess myself.

_"Yes, close! A few thousands away. Are the egg and toast good?"

The last words didn't even reach my brain as I finally realized what this meant.

Could that... could that perhaps be an opportunity for me to... escape?

Even thinking it felt weird, like something that was just unnatural, impossible.

But I didn't let those feelings get the best of me. Instead, I replayed what Atom had said in my head.

A green planet.

Green means life.

And life means resources!

It's perhaps... no... surely colonized by humans!

I could get some help!

Get out of this gold-covered hell!

I just needed to convince them to bring me there. After all, they loved having my attention... right?

_"Actually I'm very curious about where you were born, Atom."

I insisted, pushing the plate to the side to focus on them.

_"You...? About... me?"

I noticed their hand weirdly starting to vibrate with excitement. Before I could add anything, they kept going.

_"It's a very little planet, I have seen way bigger ones while looking for you! Lots of plant! Green! Everywhere!"

This time it was my turn to cut them off.

I couldn't wait any longer to try.

Couldn't wait for them to change the subject.

Couldn't wait like I did long ago.

_"Oh wow, that sounds amazing. I'd love to see it myself!"

I said. The words spilled out of my mouth like a river.

Wait.

My tone sounded weird, right?

Did my voice too?

They froze.

I froze too.

Was that too obvious?

Not subtle enough?

Did they immediately guess what I was trying to do?

I can never know with them.

For a few seconds, silence filled the place, and it felt like the whole ship had stopped to think too.