I don't even know

“A classic. Congratulations.”

“If my soul leaves my body, this spell will keep it around and lucid enough to magic myself back together.”

“Effective. Next?”

“My spell feeds off the life force of microscopic things! When bacteria die near me, it adds to my total. Wiping down the sink with antibacterial cleaner gives me SUCH a buzz; I think I may have to dial it down a bit.”

“I see it also gave you… ah…”

“Massive dobonhonkeroos?”

“I was trying to find a more diplomatic way to bring it up.”

“An unexpected side effect, but not an unwelcome one.”

“Shall I assume it’s she/her from here on out, then?”

find a more diplomatic

way to bring it up.”

BITE stands for Behavior Control, Information Control, Thought Control, and Emotional Control.

The more points a group “scores” on the model, the more of a cult it is.

I think this model is the best one for several reasons:

It’s more nuanced than “cult” or “not cult” and doesn’t make false equivalences between groups

It’s versatile, applying to groups big and small, and cults of all kinds, religious, political, financial, etc.

Behavior Control

Promote dependence and obedience

Modify behavior with rewards and punishments

Dictate where and with whom you live

Restrict or control sexuality

Control clothing and hairstyle

Regulate what and how much you eat and drink

Deprive you of seven to nine hours of sleep

Exploit you financially

Restrict leisure time and activities

Require you to seek permission for major decisions

Information Control

Deliberately withhold and distort information

Forbid you from speaking with ex-members and critics

Discourage access to non-cult sources of information

Divide information into Insider vs. Outsider doctrine

Generate and use propaganda extensively

Use information gained in confession sessions against you

Gaslight to make you doubt your own memory

Require you to report thoughts, feelings, & activities to superiors

Encourage you to spy and report on others’ “misconduct”

Thought Control

Instill Black vs. White, Us vs. Them, & Good vs. Evil thinking

Change your identity, possibly even your name

Use loaded language and cliches to stop complex thought

Induce hypnotic or trance states to indoctrinate

Teach thought-stopping techniques to prevent critical thoughts

Allow only positive thoughts

Use excessive meditation, singing, prayer, & chanting to block thoughts

Reject rational analysis, critical thinking, & doubt

Emotional Control

Instill irrational fears (phobias) of questioning or leaving the group

Label some emotions as evil, worldly, sinful, or wrong

Teach emotion-stopping techniques to prevent anger, homesickness

Promote feelings of guilt, shame, & unworthiness

Shower you with praise and attention (“love bombing”)

Threaten your friends and family

Shun you if you disobey or disbelieve

Teach that there is no happiness or peace outside the group

Okay, so, freshman year, I’m deep in my “everything sucks and I’m stuck with these assholes” mentality. My English teacher was a notorious hard-ass, let’s call him Mr. Hargrove. He was the guy every student prayed they didn’t get. And, on top of ALL OF THE SHIT I WAS ALREADY DEALING WITH, I had him for English.

One of the laborious assignments he gave us was to keep a daily journal. Daily! Not monthly or weekly. Fucking daily. Handwritten. And we had to turn it in every quarter and he fucking graded us. He graded us on a fucking journal.

All of my classmates wrote shit like what they did that day or whatever. But, I did not. No, sir. I decided to give the ol’ middle finger to the assignment and do my own shit.

So, for my daily journal entries, over the course of an entire year, I wrote a serialized story about a horde of man-eating slugs that invaded a small mining town. It was graphic, it was ridiculous, it was an epic feat of rebellion.

And Mr. Hargrove loved it.

It wasn’t just the journal. Every assignment he gave us, I tried to shit all over it. Every reading assignment, everyone gushed about how good it was, but I always had a negative take. Every writing assignment, people wrote boring prose, but I wrote cheesy limericks or pulp horror stories.

Then, one day, he read one of my essays to the class as an example of good writing. When a fellow student asked who wrote it, he said, “Some pipsqueak.”

And that’s when I had a revelation. He wanted to fight. And since all the other students were trying to kiss his ass, I was his only challenger.

Mr. Hargrove and I went head-to-head on every assignment, every conversation, every fucking thing. And he ate it up. And so did I.

One day, he read us a column from the Washington Post and asked the class what was wrong with it. Everyone chimed in with their dumbass takes, but I was the one who landed on Mr. Hargrove’s complaint: The reporter had BRAZENLY added the suffix “ize” to a verb.

That night I wrote a jokey letter to the reporter calling him out on the offense in which I added “ize” to every single verb. I gave it to Mr. Hargrove, who by then had become a friendly adversary, for a chuckle and he SENT IT TO THE REPORTER.

And, people… The reporter wrote back. And he said I was an exceptional student. Mr. Hargrove and I had a giggle about that because we both knew I was just being an asshole, but he and the reporter acknowledged I had a point.

And that was it. That was the moment. Not THAT EXACT moment, but that year with Mr. Hargrove taught me I had a knack for writing. And that knack was based in saying “fuck you” to authority. (The irony that someone in a position of authority helped me realize that is not lost on me.)

So, I can say without qualification that Mr. Hargrove is the reason I am now a professional writer. Yes, I do it for a living. And most of my stuff takes authorities of one kind or another to task.