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[Same Age AU] v2
“Stop glaring at everyone. And stop yanking at my pants, they can’t go any higher.”
“Do you even have underwear?”
“That you can see for yourself. Later. If you behave, of course.”
Same age, but both are Jedi Knights. An undercover mission. It was meant to be a solo mission for Obi-Wan, but then Anakin saw the outfit and went "Hahaha. No fucking way." So he pulled all the strings he could, bragged his Chosen One's rights, and got himself into this mission too.
He may or may not have mind-tricked someone to go and stare at the wall for three hours because they stared at Obi-Wan's hips.
v1
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Obi-Wan doesn’t ask Anakin what he remembers when he comes to after one of his episodes, when his eyes clear and he is in command of himself again. He doesn’t ask if he can feel Obi-Wan’s attempts to comfort him when he is in the heart of it, if it hurts when Obi-Wan has to push him back. He doesn’t ask if it is frightening to lose himself each time.
All he can do is be there for Anakin as best he can and hope that it is good enough. That he is good enough.
Happy May the 4th!
I've had this almost finished since last May the 4th and I'm insanely proud of it. Anakin's connection is overwhelming and each time he delves too deep, he needs to recover. Obi-Wan is there at his side to help him through it, always. Inspired by this post proposing the concept of magical euphoria or the potential after effects of too much magic in one human body which I thought fit Anakin and Obi-Wan and the Force so well.
I've posted a few snippets of this fic over the last year (years?) here is one I don't think I've shared (which I'm now realizing comes right before the piece I've chosen as a summary):
Obi-Wan’s head is pillowed on Anakin’s chest. He can move just enough to take one of Anakin’s hands and bring it in close, pressing a kiss to his knuckles before letting their joined hands rest over Anakin’s heart. They lie there wrapped up in each other. Anakin’s thumb strokes his bicep in a slow back and forth as he begins to slip into a doze.
A question sits on Obi-Wan’s tongue, one that has kept him company for a long time but that he has never been brave enough to voice. And yet it sits there weighted in his mouth. He isn’t sure how he manages to breathe around it, big and heavy as it is.
Perhaps it is because this peace, this quiet, is so far removed from the frenzy of the battlefield. Here, Anakin is just a boy, the man he loves. He isn’t a tool, a weapon, the Chosen One. Neither of them is responsible for anything more than the comfort of the other. Obi-Wan doesn’t have to think about the next time he will send Anakin off to fight a battle, wondering whether this will be the one he isn’t strong enough to fight. Whether this will be the one where Anakin’s loses himself to the Force and there is nothing Obi-Wan can do to bring him back.
Even as Anakin’s caresses begin to slow, the thought lingers. So Obi-Wan noses into the crook of Anakin’s neck and murmurs the question into the warmth of his skin.
“What does it feel like?”
It isn’t the question he means to ask, a non-sequitur, and there are parts missing, but he knows that Anakin knows what he means.
Anakin hums. Obi-Wan can feel the vibration of it in the places where their bodies meet. A small sign that he is thinking about the answer even if he is slow to give it.
“Sometimes it feels like the only thing that’s real. Like I’m dreaming and only when I reach into the Force, push through to the other side, do I really wake.”
Obi-Wan nods, nuzzling his beard against Anakin’s skin in the process. He always pictured Anakin’s…episodes—trances? Like surrendering himself to the will of the Force. That is always how it feels for him, when he slips into a battle meditation. He becomes a conduit for something bigger than himself and he gives his body over to it.
But what Anakin describes is more active than that. A breaching of the surface after time spent underwater. A breath of fresh air in needy lungs. It hurts a little, to think of how much the rest of his life must pale in comparison. Living in black and white with only fleeting glimpses of vibrant technicolor.
“It feels like being inside a star,” Anakin muses on. “At the center of something massive and powerful, full of heat and strength. Not being sure if I’m in control of it or if it’s in control of me.” He yawns and his voice grows softer as he speaks. “I think I sort of direct it. I can tell it where to go but I can’t stop it and I wouldn’t want to.”
Obi-Wan wonders just how many Jedi Masters would give their right arm to hear Anakin speak like this about the Force. A direct line to the heart of their cosmology. Perhaps Obi-Wan is selfish for making sure that they’ll never know—in fact, he knows he is. But Anakin, for the fleeting amount of time they get to exist side by side before they both rejoin the Force, is his. His to protect, his to care for, his to love. Anakin has to spend so much of his life as a useful tool and object of fascination instead of a person. The least Obi-Wan can do is ensure some small part of him gets to be a man.
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Maybe the most action heavy chapter I've ever written? I need some serious posting aftercare for all of the battle logistics I had to negotiate in this chapter.
But also! The aftermath of last chapter's kiss 💋💕👀
Excerpt:
“Nice work,” Anakin says, flashing him a grin. In all of the excitement, he could almost forget Obi-Wan kissing him in the turbolift but one look from Obi-Wan brings it all back.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” Obi-Wan says in a younger, less practiced version of the voice Anakin has heard him use on countless beings in their travels over the years. Obi-Wan is flirting with him. And despite knowing that on an intellectual level, and knowing, unlike Obi-Wan, that it is wrong, he can’t help the way it flutters in the pit of his stomach.
Anakin decides to look anywhere but at Obi-Wan’s face. He isn’t sure that he can bear whatever look accompanies the low, heated voice without combusting. “Um. The power to the shields—the gate—do you see…?”
He fumbles towards the nearest bank of terminals and begins looking for anything that seems familiar. The interfaces in front of him don’t look familiar—at first, that might just be Anakin’s distraction making comprehension difficult but on a second look, it’s still true. Perhaps they were built with droids in mind or perhaps these Separatists have tried their best to remove themselves completely from Republic standards. Some of it is still labeled in aurebesh though and “power,” “shields,” and “proximity sensors” can’t differ too much from the usual in principle.
“Got it,” Obi-Wan says from across the room. He presses a button and taps away at the screen in front of him. A light goes off not too far from him, which lends credence to the idea that it worked.
Anakin nods and tries to collect himself. Okay. They have a mission to execute. If he can just think of the next thing they have to do, he won’t have to stop and sit still for too long which would give him time enough to think about Obi-Wan kissing him, Obi-Wan flirting with him, Obi-Wan running over to take his hand and—oh wait, that’s happening now. Obi-Wan is pulling him towards the elevator and Anakin is too lost in his thoughts to put up a fight.
Maybe the most action heavy chapter I've ever written? I need some serious posting aftercare for all of the battle logistics I had to negotiate in this chapter.
But also! The aftermath of last chapter's kiss 💋💕👀
Excerpt:
“Nice work,” Anakin says, flashing him a grin. In all of the excitement, he could almost forget Obi-Wan kissing him in the turbolift but one look from Obi-Wan brings it all back.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” Obi-Wan says in a younger, less practiced version of the voice Anakin has heard him use on countless beings in their travels over the years. Obi-Wan is flirting with him. And despite knowing that on an intellectual level, and knowing, unlike Obi-Wan, that it is wrong, he can’t help the way it flutters in the pit of his stomach.
Anakin decides to look anywhere but at Obi-Wan’s face. He isn’t sure that he can bear whatever look accompanies the low, heated voice without combusting. “Um. The power to the shields—the gate—do you see…?”
He fumbles towards the nearest bank of terminals and begins looking for anything that seems familiar. The interfaces in front of him don’t look familiar—at first, that might just be Anakin’s distraction making comprehension difficult but on a second look, it’s still true. Perhaps they were built with droids in mind or perhaps these Separatists have tried their best to remove themselves completely from Republic standards. Some of it is still labeled in aurebesh though and “power,” “shields,” and “proximity sensors” can’t differ too much from the usual in principle.
“Got it,” Obi-Wan says from across the room. He presses a button and taps away at the screen in front of him. A light goes off not too far from him, which lends credence to the idea that it worked.
Anakin nods and tries to collect himself. Okay. They have a mission to execute. If he can just think of the next thing they have to do, he won’t have to stop and sit still for too long which would give him time enough to think about Obi-Wan kissing him, Obi-Wan flirting with him, Obi-Wan running over to take his hand and—oh wait, that’s happening now. Obi-Wan is pulling him towards the elevator and Anakin is too lost in his thoughts to put up a fight.
something so delicious about anakin leaving the order to be with padme and then coming to the slow, miserable realization that he does not know how to exist without his master
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A lovely commission I got to work on for @kirlenawrites for her fic https://archiveofourown.org/works/81866016/chapters/215369786. Go read her work!!! 𐔌՞ ܸ.ˬ.ܸ՞𐦯
anakin really should wear a dress more often ⊹₊˚‧︵‿₊୨ᰔ୧₊‿︵‧˚₊⊹
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