brainrot springs eternal

i'm sure everyone stopped caring about what happened at purcon two months ago (as you should) but i might've only just processed it now and had some thoughts. jic you're interested here's the link

and here's a little snippet:

proceeding to then only be socialized with other boys until hes an adult and trying to pursue relationships just for them to always end badly or to find out he was being used

desiree straight up taking advantage of him and followed by her trying to get JOHNATHAN to kill lex which. wow the father figures he has are. so unreliable

and then of course everything with helen happened and were shown how hard he tried to get her to give him a chance, finally earning it, just to do something monumentally stupid and go against everything he was taught by owning up and telling her

and helen turning around and saying shell forgive him just to fucking attempt his murder take his money and property and lie through her teeth about how he “died” trying to save her. like that was such a huge betrayal of his trust when she could have just walked away from the reationship

and then he never properly recovers from that and instead starts sleeping with random women who he is kind enough to that they feel led on (even if i highly doubt he ever actually led any of them on) and sends them crazy expensive diamond earrings after which he does NOT have to be doing at all he could just be completely ghosting them

and then he gets demonized for having sex with. a very reasonable amount of women (13 in 12 months isnt jack shit) and made to feel horrible for having sex when hes a grown adult who is probably taking every precaution possible because he doesnt WANT to get sucked back into another relationship especially after helen

AND THEN he has to very much confront his feelings towards lana which hes been repressing for god knows how long because shes been put in the “never happening” section of his brain

just to get shown an alternate life where he has everything he wants with her except she FUCKING DIES and so he chooses to go down the path that costs him everything so that she can live because her dying when he could have prevented it is worse than having nothing in his eyes

and then he actually gets to have her and be with her and hes so fucking scared shes going to leave or betray him like helen does that he keeps all his secrets under wraps and never tells her anything, just to fucking baby trap her with a non-existent baby (which i fully believe at a certain point he fully believed his own lies about this but thats another rant (and very much me being a diehard lex defender but thats. for another day))

and he KNOWS she didnt want to marry him so his fear of her leaving is made that much worse bc on their wedding day his father who he fucking hates has to convince her to go through with it, she shows up late to the ceremony, and the doctor hed been working with to lie about the baby threatens to ruin everything so he KNOWS hes going to lose her

AND THEN she does leave (and she had every right to, do not take this as me saying lana should have stayed with him bc that relationship was not healthy for either of them and she especially needed to get out) and she does so after telling him that he was never capable of love and that she loved clark (just like he was fucking afraid of bc clark gets EVERYTHING lex wants to the point where he literally gets loved by lionel when lex never did) and he HITS HER which he immediately regrets and you can see it on his face because hes realizing how much hes become like lionel

and then when she leaves she fucking DIES or at least he thinks she does and he spends forever looking for her bc he doesnt want to believe shes dead to the point where he WANTED to stay in prison because of everything hed done to her (obviously the whole him being “guilty” for her murder thing played into this but you can tell what he did to her weighs on him and impacted that decision)

and when he DOES finally find her she pulls a gun on him and instead of fighting back he walks over to give her a better target because he thinks that if she wants to kill him she deserves to (which is very much being projecting how lionel should have died instead of lillian but again another rant) and hes fully ready to just fucking die at her hand

so all hes ever learned from relationships is that hes a commodity to be won hes not trustworthy hes undeserving of loyalty hes not lovable and finally that hes incapable of love himself and i truly think that he should have been allowed one good relationship like genuinely bc the only relationships he was ever in were for someone elses gain and he never got to experience being truly loved and supported by women which is why he clings to clarks friendship so much (again. another rant)

SMALLVILLE ⇢ 1x01 | PILOT