Dopamine avoident

*Sprays u with a can of "Serious String"* [you are gently covered by a loose, aerisolized tangle of high-tensile polymer weave]

Rip Paul Matthews, you would’ve hated seeing your possessed corpse perform the same musical on loop for the amusement of an eldritch god until the end of time

if you set off a rube goldberg type death trap to kill someone, if it's a long enough machine, it ceases to become your fault if somebody dies at the end. that's how I've gotten away with it all these years, and why I'm still going to heaven.

the idea that every summer will be as hot if not hotter than this for the rest of my life is unbearable i need to (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) murder an oil executive

Imagine if we did the “public libraries are punk” thing for other subcultures. Imagine if people made shirts that said “Soup kitchens are grunge” or “Mixed Use Urbanism is Juggalo”.